


My love for you isn't over

by 3cheers4sweet_romance



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Sex, F/M, Falling In Love Again, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 10:29:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 54,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2064654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3cheers4sweet_romance/pseuds/3cheers4sweet_romance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><br/>Lindsey knew that Gerard was bisexual. She also knew that her husband and Frank had had a thing years ago. What she didn't know was how to react when she came into the room and saw the two men kissing.</p><p>We see Frank and Gerard's interrupted relationship throughout the years since they meet and fall in love, being teenagers, to the present time, when Gerard's marriage is falling apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The start

**Author's Note:**

> I like love stories, I can't help it. I like the kind of love stories where people fall heplessly in love, but they can't be together because of whatever reason. The hook is that their love doesn't really end, so when they get to see each other again, they feel exactly the same attraction and connection than before, but they have to overcome some obstacles before they can finally be together. I wrote this story with that plot in mind and I hope that you like this kind of stories as well ;)

_**Present time**_

Lindsey knew that Gerard was bisexual. She also knew that her husband and Frank had had a thing years ago. What she didn't know was how to react when she came into the room and saw the two men kissing.

 

_**Fourteen years ago** _

Their gazes had met a few times during the past month and Gerard didn't know what was about that kid that made him feel so strangely attracted. The kid was new at school, shorter than him, a couple of years younger too. His olive eyes and arched eyebrows were alternately covered by a fringe of black hair which made his face look more enticing.

Their gazes had met once again that morning when Gerard arrived to school, only that this time he could say for sure that they weren't just casual glances because this time, their eyes actually locked as he saw this punky kid walking through the school hall. It only lasted a few seconds, but for an instant, everybody and everything else in the room seemed to disappear from Gerard's range of sight. All he could see was those big bright eyes boring into his own and for the first time, he saw the kid's lips curl into a smirk that seem to be covering a shy smile.

There was something about him, something alluring that Gerard couldn't pinpoint exactly, but that made him think constantly about him, even when Gerard was supposed to be focused on his English class, no, especially when he was supposed to be focused on his English class and on what Mr. McCoy, his teacher, was trying to explain about some important essay that they were supposed to write and hand in the next week.

“Do you have any questions Mr. Way?” Mr. McCoy asked him with an arched eyebrow and an inquisitive look. He seemed to have noticed that Gerard's mind was drifting far away from his class.

“No,” Gerard's eyes widened and he shook his head, nervously. Some of the kids that were sitting around him turned to look at him, some of them frowning, the others smirking, and Gerard shoved his face on his notebook, suddenly feeling self-conscious before the curious glimpses from his classmates.

He knew that he was supposed to be paying attention and trying to learn something, but the memory of that kid staring at him in the hall was too distracting. That was something new for Gerard, he had never felt so attracted to a boy before and he didn't know how to handle it because he was aware of that his school, his neighborhood and a big part of the world could not be considered as friendly places for same sex attraction. That thought made Gerard sigh harshly.

It was the last period, so he tried to restrain himself from thinking about this kid whose name he didn't even know and to concentrate on what his English teacher was trying to explain.

Half an hour later, Gerard was already on the sidewalk waiting for Mikey, his little brother, to come out. They usually left the school together unless one of them had something else to do, so when he saw Mikey trotting towards him, Gerard started to walk to his car.

“Mikey!” they heard a voice behind them.

The younger brother turned back first. “Frank,” he said.

Gerard stopped to halt and turned as he heard the voice saying: “You forgot this”. His eyes widened when he saw the punky boy from that morning, handing his brother some copies of musical scores.

“Oh, thanks,” Mikey said and as soon as he took the sheets, Frank's eyes went up and met Gerard's. The older boy felt his heart skip a beat.

“I'll see you on Monday,” Frank said, smiling at Mikey and then turned his gaze back to Gerard who was still staring at him, startled.

“Yeah, bye,” Mikey replied and then Frank turned around and crossed the street.

“Who's that?” Gerard finally asked while they were waiting in the car for a red light to change.

“Who?” Mikey said quietly, he was distracted looking at some billboard by the side window. The light turned green and Gerard kept driving.

“That kid that talked to you outside the school,” he clarified.

“Um, that's Frank, we're together in a few classes”.

A short, quiet “Oh” was Gerard's response. He wanted to know more about this boy, but he didn't want to seem too interested, so he refrained from keep asking and waited for Mikey to keep talking.

Mikey seemed to notice that and continued. “He's cool, actually. He plays guitar and he lent me some music sheets,” Mikey pushed his glasses up with his finger and turned to look at Gerard. “He wants us to practice together and I told him that we can play in our garage. I have to ask mom and dad first, but if it turns out well, maybe we can start a band, you know?”

“That's pretty cool, Mikey,” Gerard nodded and grinned, he was a little surprised and excited about learning that this kid named Frank was a friend of his brother's and now he was going to come over their house frequently. “So... Does he live far away from here?” Gerard asked after a moment.

“I don't think so,” Mikey said, “He told me that he used to attend to a catholic school and he hated it. They forced him to wear lame uniforms, a specific hair cut and to pray, so he convinced his mom to let him attend to a public school by telling her that it was so much closer, that she wouldn't have to drive him there every day and stuff”. 

“Mm,” Gerard nodded and pretended to be focused on the road and the whole driving task. “He seems interesting,” he commented after a few minutes of silence.

“And you seem pretty interested,” Mikey replied with a smirk, teasing his brother.

“No,” Gerard frowned and shook his head, “It's just that, um...” he squirmed and felt himself beginning to blush. “He's your new friend and...”

“And you're curious,” Mikey retorted mischievously.

“Right,” Gerard sighed and turned his eyes back to the road.


	2. Garage music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the presente time, Gerard notices that Lyndsey saw him kissing Frank.  
> In the past, Gerard watches Frank playing guitar.

_**Present time** _

The quiet hiss of a gasp made Gerard pull back and turn his face to the doorway. It was Lindsey, she was standing on the threshold gaping and staring at them. The younger man released his hold from Gerard's neck and waist and stepped back, daunted as soon as they noticed the presence of the woman, but it was too late, she had seen them kissing.

Gerard's eyes widened and his heart stopped beating for a second or two. He opened his mouth and took a breath like he was about to say something, but emited no sound. He had to say something, he knew that, but the words wouldn't come out. What he could say to justify what just had happened? How could he explain to his wife what she just saw?

“Linds,” he managed to say after a moment. The name came out breathy like a wheeze escaping from his tight throat. Lindsey was glaring at Gerard first with disbelief and consternation, but then her expression shifted into one of disheartenment. At that moment, Gerard saw her breaking down. Lindsey dropped her gaze and gasped again, deeply and painfully this time, before turning back and running towards the stairs. 

“Lindsey!” Gerard yelled and ran after her.

“Gee? What happened?” Mikey asked him from the living room before he could reach the rail.

“Um...” Gerard looked at his brother's concerned face and felt guilt creeping up to his chest. “I...” He breathed out, agitated and looked up to see his wife's feet climbing the last steps. “I have to talk to her,” his voice trailed off as he jogged up the stairs. As he expected, when he finally got to their bedroom, the door was already closed.

“Lindsey, please! Let me in!” Gerard knocked loudly with his palm and pressed his whole body against the hard surface of the wooden door like if he could knock it down with the strength of his desperation. “Lindsey!” he called her again, then pulled and twisted the knob insistently, but each attempt was useless, the door was locked and as much as he pushed it, it wasn't going to give in. “Please! Let me in!” he begged and palmed strongly once more. The minutes went by and Gerard kept standing desperate in the hall, waiting for his wife to open the door. “Linds, I have to talk to you...” He said pleadingly, his voice went higher and started to sound broken, but Lindsey wasn't responding at all.

Gerard huffed and brought his face closer to the door. “Let me explain you,” he said, tentatively this time, because he didn't know how to explain. What he could possibly say to validate or justify the fact that he kissed his friend, not only his friend, but his ex, in their house, in the middle of their daughter's birthday party?

Gerard sighed harshly and turned around. “I really fucked it up this time, I really did,” he muttered to himself sternly, then slide down slowly until he was crouching againts the hall wall, with his head down and covering his face with both hands, feeling complete despair. After a moment of uneasy silence, the sound of the lock made Gerard stand up nervously.

“Come in,” Lindsey said stonily. Gerard expected to see her more affected, but she was impassive, her expression was unreadable and that made him hesitate a little before walking into the room. “I'm listening,” she said dryly after pushing the door closed and then glared at Gerard.

The man looked at her and choked, suddenly he had nothing to say.

 

_**Fourteen years ago** _

Like most evenings, Gerard was sitting quietly in his room, hunched over his desk and surrounded by pens and markers, a stack of paper sheets, notebooks and some comics that he kept around as a source of inspiration. Was wasn't usual, though, was that this time he was actually working on his school assignments.

At the moment, he was struggling with his calculus homework and a half written essay that he was supposed to hand in in two days, more precisely, one and a half days, which was making him feel a little bit anxious given that he wasn't sure that it was going to be finished by then.

That was mostly because, even when he was truly committed to solving those unsolvable math problems and on expounding eloquently his ideas about the American writers from the first decades of the 20th century, the persistent sound of strumming coming from the garage, was making him really hard to remain focused.

Gerard rubbed his forehead roughly and sighed. Then he stood up from the chair and walked to the window. He could see the glimmer of the light escaping from the half opened garage door, reflected on the pavement of the driveway. The sound coming from there wasn't annoying anymore, they weren't random notes and the screech of the amps, but the actual cords of a familiar tune and it started to sound really good. 

Gerard turned his head and looked at his desk frowning, then he decided to go down to the garage and see who was playing. The equations, Fitzgerald, Hemmingway and the other fellows from the lost generation would have to wait for a while.

When Gerard opened the garage door, his eyes fixed immediately on the kid that was playing the guitar in the middle of the room. Frank had his head tilted down, his lips parted, some strands of hair were swaying over his forehead, covering partially his closed eyes and his fingers were moving smoothly along the strings.

He didn't seem to notice Gerard's presence at all, apparently, he escaped to another world while he was playing. Gerard had never seen anyone playing with such passion, not at least from this close and in his own garage. It was really impressive and somehow, endearing.

Suddenly, the music stopped and the sound of the guitar and the bass was replaced by Mikey's voice. “Gee?” he asked, he wasn't expecting to see his brother there.

Gerard was still staring at Frank with his mouth half open. “Huh?” was all he managed to say in his bedazzlement. Frank lifted his head up and his eyes met Gerard's. The older boy blinked and shook himself a little when he it suddenly hit him, he was supposed to say something to justify his presence there.

“Um,” he turned to look at Mikey and back at Frank, “I heard the music and I wanted to come and see you guys play”. 

Mikey nodded and stepped closer to his friend, “Frank, this is my brother Gerard”. “Hey man,” Frank said amicably with a nod, he was still holding his guitar with both hands.

“Hi,” Gerard replied kind of shyly. “I...” He pointed back with his thumb over his shoulder, “I have to go finish my homework,” Gerard said and scowled immediately, as he realized how lame whar he just had said sounded.

“Okay,” Mikey nodded and gave him a small smile.

Gerard turned around and started walking but he stopped when he heard Frank's voice calling him.

“See you around man,” the young boy said softly and when Gerard turned his head back, he could see a little smile growing on Frank's face.

“Yeah, bye,” Gerard replied with a lopsided grin and walk out by the door. 

 

 


	3. I think he likes you

_**Present time** _

“I'm sorry,” Gerard said quietly after a few moments of silence. He had his head tilted down but he knew that Lindsey was staring at him expectantly.  He finally managed to look up and meet her eyes, “I...” 

“You kissed him,” she interrupted him and stated sternly, her voice was about to crack, but she made an effort to keep it firm.

Gerard gasped and felt a knot growing in his stomach. “I did,” he admitted and dropped his gaze again.

“Why?” Lindsey stepped closer, tilting her head to the side and giving him an inquisitive look. Gerard could understand her need to ask questions, what he couldn't do was giving her forthright answers. “Are you in love with him?” Lindsey asked and Gerard felt hemmed in. He couldn't answer that, not without hurting her.

Gerard squeezed his eyes shut and sighed heavily, “Linds, you know that I love you, don't you?” He said, trying to assure her. “I love you,” he repeated, stressing every word of the sentence to emphasize its meaning. Lindsey huffed and threw her head back.

She stayed quiet for a moment, looking up to the ceiling. “But not the way you love him, right?” She finally tilted her head down and glanced at her husband. Gerard gulped.

 

_**Fourteen years ago** _

“Fuck! Dead again? This game is fucking hard!” Gerard yelled and threw the controller over the couch feeling utterly frustrated. The house was empty, his parents were out running some errands and Mikey went out on a date with Alicia, so Gerard decided to spend his evening alone in the living room, trying his brother's new video game - instead of doing his homework - but he started to think that it was a waste of time because he sucked at it and his stupid avatar kept dying in the middle of a hail of bullets that hit him all of the sudden from god knows where.

Gerard didn't want to quit, though, he didn't want to be humiliated by Mikey, Pete and Bob, the next time that they had a game night, because of his lack of ability to keep his fucking avatar alive for more than five minutes. Besides Gerard wasn't that bad at video games. “I just need some practice, right?” He thought and restarted the game once again.

Before he could collect his first weapon, he heard the doorbell ringing. Gerard looked at the entrance and then pressed pause. He wasn't expecting anyone and certainly he wasn't expecting that when he opened the door, a lovely smile would greet him.

“Hi Gerard," Frank was standing in the doorway with a wide grin and Gerard couldn't help but notice the way that his smile illuminated his whole face and made his eyes look even brighter. “Is Mikey here? He's not in the garage,” the boy asked.

“No,” Gerard shook his head and immediately felt damn butterflies starting to flutter in his stomach. “He went on a date with Alicia, he didn't tell you?”

“Oh,” Frank tilted his head down, looking confused. “That was tonight?” He frowned and kicked himself mentally for not remembering before. Gerard nodded and looked at him expectantly. “Man, I really wanted to practice tonight”, Frank sighed heavily. “You know that your garage is the only place where I can play?” He added, sounding very disappointed.

“Really?” Gerard asked, lifting his brow and and feeling a little concerned.

“Yeah, my mom says it's too loud and then the neighbors complain and shit”.

Gerard looked down and considered the situation for a moment. “Well, you can use the garage if you want. My parents are not here so you can play as loud as you want...” Gerard offered enthusiastically, “And I'd like to hear you play,” he added with a smaller voice and rubbing the back of his head with his hand. Frank's eyes widened and his face lit up.

“Are you sure?” he asked, tugging the strap of his guitar case from his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Gerard nodded, then stepped out and closed the door. “Let's go,” he beckoned and Frank followed him.

While Frank was plugging and setting his instrument, Gerard stood in the doorway watching him. “Ready,” the younger boy said under his breath and looked up with a sudden movement of his head. Gerard winced and immediately looked in the opposite direction, he saw a stack of music sheets over a chair and walked there. He flicked through them slowly, trying to look busy, he didn't want to be caught staring again.

After flicking some pages, the title written on one of them caught his attention. “The trooper,” he said in an excited tone.

“Yeah,” Frank nodded, “You like Maiden?”

A grin crossed Gerard's face. “They're one of my favorite bands,” he replied enthusiastically.

“I'll start with that one then,” Frank beamed.

He started playing as passionate as that other night when Gerard snuck in one of their practice sessions. His expression was the same, lips parted, eyes closed, head banging intensely and his hair swaying up and down. Gerard closed his eyes as well, he wanted to feel the music the way that Frank was feeling it. Then he uncounsciously started to mutter the lyrics. After a minute, the music stopped playing abruptly.

“You sing?” Frank asked him, looking startled.

“Um...” Gerard hesitated, “Yeah, my grandma taught how to sing,” he shrugged with one shoulder like it wasn't a big deal. “Man, that's great!” Frank said, looking excited. “We need a singer in our band, you know?”. Gerard frowned, “You're serious about that whole band thing?”He asked, a little incredulous.

Frank narrowed his eyes, pursed his lips and glared at him, that was his _duh_ face. “Hell yeah,” he stated, emphatically. “It's only me and Mikey now, but if you join us, then we'll just have to find a drummer,” he explained and then considered that for a moment, “And maybe another guitarist, then the band will be complete,” he added, nodding.

“Well...” Gerard thought about that for a second. “I know a guy that plays drums,” he commented casually. 

“Really?” Frank asked with wide, hopeful eyes. “Yeah, his name is Bob, he's a senior like me and he's a great drummer," Gerard explained. "Maybe he would join the band”.

“Dude, that'd be awesome!” Frank yelled with an amazed expression, he got so excited that Gerard though that he would start bouncing around the room at any moment.

“So...” Frank said with a mischievous grin, after calming down a little. “You want to be in the band?” he asked, arching an eyebrow and looking at Gerard intently.

"Yeah,” the older boy nodded, feeling confident about it. “I'd be fun, right?” he said innocently.

“Sure,” Frank replied, smirking, “But you know that first you have to pass the auditions, right?”

“Auditions?” Gerard frowned, “You're making me audition?” He asked, thinking that it was ridiculous because it was not like there was a line of people standing outside the house, begging for a chance to be in Frank and Mikey's unexistent band. 

“Yeah, I mean, I need to evaluate your skills,” Frank said earnestly, “Make sure that you are bandmate material, you know?”.

Gerard snorted, “Okay then," he conceded. "I'll audition for you”.

“Good, let me set the mic,” Frank beamed and kneeled down to rummage in a big box that was lying on the floor.

They agreed to play a set of three Iron Maiden songs beginning with The trooper. Gerard felt a little unsure at first; he could sing, he knew that, but he never thought of himself as a performer or a member of a band. So, even when there wasn't an audience and that wasn't a real audition, he was nervous and pretty stiff as the song was playing.

He started to loosen up and sing better, though, when he saw Frank bashing himself around the room. He hovered around Gerard, playing fiercely, glancing and smiling at him every now and then, he played with such ease that it was contigious. The last song finished with a riff and with Frank kneeling down on the floor, his back arched and his head thrown back, and he was still holding his guitar over his chest.

Gerard chuckled at his cheesy rock star pose and sat down next to him.

“So...” He said when Frank finally sat up and put his guitar aside. “Am I bandmate material?” he asked in an even voice, trying to sound nonchalant while he was waiting to hear Frank's veredict.

“Well...” Frank considered it for a moment, “I still have to hear the other guys that are trying out,” he said with a serious tone. “And you haven't filled your application yet,” Gerard squinted at him. “But I can tell that you have potential,” Frank added, grinning and got closer to playfully bump his shoulder against Gerard's.

The older boy turned around with a wide smile and for a moment, their faces were so close that their noses were just a few inches away from touching. Gerard felt Frank's eyes boring into his own.

“Frank,” Mikey's voice broke in and the two boys jumped back. “What are you doing here?” The younger of the Way brothers asked, seemingly confused.

“I...” Frank turned to look at his friend. “I forgot that you were out with Alicia so I came here to practice and Gerard let me use the garage,” Frank stood up and explained.

Mikey looked at his brother and one of his eyebrows arched, there was suspicion in his gaze, although, he wasn't that surprised of seeing Frank and Gerard hanging out in the garage and sitting so close from each other.

Frank looked down at Gerard too. “We played a few songs and... You know what?” Frank said enthusiastically, “I think that I found the singer for our band”, he gave Gerard a small nod and smiled fondly at him.

“Gerard!” They suddenly heard Donna, Mikey and Gerard's mom who had just arrived to the house, yelling from the driveway. The older boy rose and walked out. Frank's eyes followed him since he stood up until he left by the door. Mikey noticed the way that his friend was looking at his brother and smirked.

“I think he likes you,” Mikey said casually.

“What?” Frank was suddenly dragged out of his thoughts at the sound of those words.

“Gerard,” Mikey clarified and Frank lifted his brow. “Do you remember the time when you gave me the music sheets outside the school?”

“Yeah,” Frank said, intrigued. “Well, he asked me who you were and he said that you were interesting”.

“Really?” He asked, surprised by what his friend was telling him.

“Well...” Frank considered it for a moment. “I think he's interesting too..." He looked down and bit his lip recalling how close they were sitting just a few minutes ago and the way that Gerard's hazel eyes flickered under his bangs. "And cute”. Frank let that last word slip out of his mouth without thinking, but he regretted it immediately when he saw Mikey's expression.

“What! You actually like him?” Mikey asked, grinning. Frank didn't answer, just looked at him with huge startled eyes and his face turned instantly into a bright shade of red. Mikey didn't want to make his friend feel uncomfortable, so he walked behind him to take his bass from the wall where it was hanging.

“It's okay man,” he said while pulling his instrument down. “It's just that I'm not used to hear one of my friends calling my brother _cute_ ,” he snickered. He didn't want to intervene in his brother and his friend's love life, but playing matchmaker was amusing for him, maybe a little too amusing.

Frank struggled to regain his composure, but after he saw Mikey's attitude, he was able to relax. He was glad of having a friend that seemed to understand how he felt for another boy, certainly his friends back at the Catholic school wouldn't understand. Even when Frank really wanted to change the subject and avoid more embarrassment, he had one thing he needed to know.

“So... Mikey...” Frank wrung his hands and hesitated for a moment before asking, “Is Gerard gay?”

Mikey shrugged, “I don't know. He used to date this girl, Lisa. She was pretty cool, she knew a lot about music and about these little known bands...” Mikey explained readily, “Only that she was secretly a _bitch_ and basically broke his heart”. 

“Oh,” Frank dropped his gaze and frowned.

“All I know is that he looks at you the way he used to look at her, so I think that he likes you,” Mikey added, nodding. A wide grin crossed Frank's face.


	4. I kissed a boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's halloween nigth and the boys go to a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all about the past.

Convincing Bob of joining the band was not an easy task, actually, it took several hours of negotiation and some others of straight up harassment. He resisted tenaciously, but Gerard, Mikey and especially Frank, would not retreat in their quest.

“Fine!” Bob shouted one night from his bedroom window. It was past two a.m. and he didn't know how the hell the trio of idiots that were dancing around in his front yard, snuck out of their houses on a school night, to invade his own house and keep harassing him.

“I'll join your stupid band but get the fuck out of here,” he shouted again and now all the dogs in the neighborhood were barking angrily and waking up their more likely, pissed off owners. The boys cheered and gave each other high fives silently, because they were considered enough for not being loud in the middle of the night and not bother the neighbors.

Before leaving, they spread out a big banner that read “We love you Bob,” written with big red letters. Gerard drew a heart instead of an _o_ in Bob's name to emphasize the feeling of the message. Luckily, they got into Gerard's car before one of the shoes that Bob threw by the window could hit any of them.

The following weeks, they had a few practice sessions and played covers mostly. They were starting to sound really good together, but Gerard thought that they needed to come up with some original songs if they wanted to be considered as a real band, so he decided to start writing lyrics. The next step was finding a second guitarist and that's why they were going to Pete Wentz's Halloween party.

“Ray Toro, huh?” Frank and Mikey were standing in the living room waiting for Gerard to come down.

“Yeah man, you should see him play, he's awesome,” Mikey said, visibly excited and more expressive than usual. “He used to play in this band...” He frowned and look down for a moment, trying to remember the name of the band. “They picked this very long name,” he made a gesture with his hand, then shook his head. “I don't remember it exactly, but dude, the whole three months that they were together they were totally rocked, I'm telling you”.

Frank lifted his brow and nodded, seemingly impressed. “Okay then, let's meet this guy and convince him of joining our band”.

“Fuck yeah,” Mikey said excited and walk to the stairs, “Gerard, we're leaving!” he yelled from the bottom step.

“I'm coming,” Gerard replied, he was already walking down.

Mikey stepped back and he was about to head towards the door, but then remembered something, “I forgot my jacket,” he said and turned back to the kitchen.

“We'll be...” Frank started, but then Gerard's voice made him turn his head and stop talking.

“Hi Frank,” Gerard said.

“Oh,”the younger boy breathed out, startled when he looked up at the stairs. Gerard looked really good that night, he was wearing brand new jeans, a gray T shirt and a black jacket. He had spent a long time choosing his outfit and styling his hair until he was completely satisfied with the image that the mirror reflected . For a final touch, he decided to wear eyeliner. That faded black dye around his hazel eyes made them look bigger, brighter and definitely more alluring.

Frank stared at him, speechless. “Hey,” he finally said when Gerard was already in front of him.

“Hey,” Gerard grinned.

“You look...” Frank pointed up and down in a gesture that encapsulated Gerard's whole appearance. “Good,” he nodded, nervously. Gerard lifted his brow and gaped a little, he was about to say something but Mikey interrupted.

“So,” Mikey was standing behind them, with his hands on his waist and his back and shoulders straighten up, he liked to call that his _power pose_. The other boys turned to face him and waited for what he had to say, then Mikey started his speech, “Today we're taking a step further towards the consolidation of our band,” he said proudly, raising a fist as a sign of the foreseen victory. “And...” He added, “We're also celebrating Frank's sweet sixteen,” Mikey grinned and wrapped one arm around Frank's shoulders and hold him. “So let's go guys, it's getting late,” he concluded and shooshed the other two boys before sprinting out through the door.

Gerard turned back to face Frank, who was walking right behind him on his way out. “So, what was that about your sweet sixteen?” he asked.

“Um, you didn't know?” Frank frowned. “Today is my birthday,” he explained.

“Really?” Gerard looked at him with wide eyes. “Well, congratulations man,” he smiled and stepped closer to hug him.

Frank was totally taken aback by that. He felt awkward at the moment, he never liked to be celebrated for being one year older, but this was different, the awkward feeling was caused because he was being hugged by a boy he really liked, a boy he definately wanted to have that kind of contact with.

Certainly, the hug lasted more than any other regular birthday hug that Frank had received that day. Gerard's embrace was overwhelming and pleasant at the same time, and Frank didn't know how to react. He didn't want Gerard to see how he affected him by his closeness, by the smell of his recently washed hair and by the warmth of his touch.

Gerard finally pulled back when they heard a loud voice coming from outside. 

“Aw! You guys are _so_ _cute _!”__ Mikey said and smirked. “Can we go now? It's late,” he added rolling his eyes. The two boys stepped back, looked at each other with big eyes and in despite of their major efforts to help it, they both blushed.

Frank sat in the back seat with Mikey, leaving the passenger seat for Bob. A few blocks down the street, they saw the blond boy, with his back leaning against a concrete pole.

“Hey guys,” he said with a grin and  as soon as he got in the car, he joined in the debate that Frank and Mikey were having about the name they were choosing for the band.

Gerard was driving quietly, he didn't talk much during ride because he was absorbed thinking about what happened before they left the house. He remembered the way he felt when he hugged Frank and frowned. He didn't know how to deal with what Frank made him feel.

“What do you think Gee?” Mikey's voice took him out of his thoughts abruptly.

“About what?” Gerard asked, he hadn't heard what they were talking about previously. “About the name I picked for the band: My chemical romance” Mikey said with a wide grin.

“My chemical romance,” Gerard repeated, trying the name aloud. “I like it,” he said, smiling and looked up at the rear mirror. Frank was staring at him from the back seat and their eyes locked for a just second before Gerard turned quickly his gaze back to the road.

“Then everybody agrees?” Mikey asked.

“Yeah,” Frank replied, beaming and the other boys nodded in agreement.

The house where the party was taking place was quite big and even when Pete Wentz was a little _eccentric _,__ so to speak, he managed to hang out with the so called popular kids at school, so everybody was there. Gerard felt out of place immediately given his hermit habits, but he was with his brother and his friends, so that eased the initial feeling. As they walked in, they saw Pete talking to Patrick and other guys by the entrance.

“hey, Mikey, you made it,” Pete said enthusiastically when he saw the youngest of the Way brothers walking in.

“You know that I wouldn't miss it,” Mikey replied. The boys talked for a while, then went to the kitchen to grab some drinks, but they were not there to socialize, they were four men on a mission. “Have you seen Ray?” Mikey asked.

“I think I saw him in the patio,” Pete answered and pointed to a sliding glass door at the end of the hall.

The boys walked there dodging the people that were walking back in the house and the couples that were making out against the walls of the dim hall. What they couldn't avoid, though, was passing by Ed Stevenson and his goons, a group of jerks that used to pick on anyone they considered not cool. At the time they were hovering outside by the glass door just the way they used to do at school. The four boys passed by ignoring them.

“Ray!” Mikey waved when he saw the frizzy haired kid outside talking to some guys.

“Hey,” Ray waved back, enthusiastically. “Mikey, Bob, and... Gerard?” Ray frowned at him and then grinned. “This must be a special occasion,” he said jokingly when the boys got closer.

“It certainly is,” Mikey nodded.

“We're here to convince you of becoming a member of our band,” Frank blurted out. "I'm Frank, by the way,” he added, extending his hand for Ray to shake it.

“Well..." Ray lifted his brow, seemingly surprised. "Nice to meet you Frank,” he added with a nod. “But guys...” He glanced at the other three boys. “You have to fill me up with the details before I can give you an answer”.

“We will Toro,” Bob assured him, then stepped closer and put a hand on Ray's shoulder. “But don't you dare say no,” he said, leaning a little closer like was about to give him a piece of advice. “Because this motherfuckers...” Bob pointed at the other three, “Will harras your ass down until you say yes”.

Ray frowned, looking a little worried, but the three boys just smiled at him with an almost convincing, innocent expression.

“Okay,” Ray replied dubiously, then Mikey told him all about the band they were starting. Meanwhile, Gerard noticed the empty bottle that Ray was holding in his hand.

“Let me,” Gerard said, reaching for the bottle and then went back inside the house. Luckily, Ed and the other jerks were not at the entrance anymore, so he dodged the people walking in and out and the couples that were still making out along the hall until he got to the kitchen. There he grabbed a six pack from the counter.

When he turned around he squinted at Ed Stevenson's stupid smirk, the guy was leaning against the door frame.

“Gerard, is that eyeliner?” Ed asked mockingly and pointed at his face.

“Are you wearing make up, Gerard?” Hank, one of the goons, chimed in.

“Of course he is,” A thrid jerk walked in, “You know that _faries_ wear make up when they go out, it makes them feel pretty,” he said pursing his lips and batting his eyelashes. They all bursted into laugh.

“Fuck off!” Gerard yelled sternly and pushed Ed with his shoulder as he stepped out. He walked furiously through the living room and dropped the cans on the first couch he ran across. They probably landed in the lap of some girl that was swapping spit with a random dude, but he didn't give a shit, he was too pissed off for that.

Frank was by the kitchen door and saw everything. He ran after Gerard, but he was smaller, so he wasn't that good at dodging people.

Gerard walked out and then ran to the alley behind the house. “You're still uncool, you'll never be cool, so stop trying!”. Gerard yelled at himself and kicked the wall. He was so furious that he needed to do something to get rid of that overpowering feeling, so he slammed his shoulder against the brick wall with a loud thud and finally slid down the floor where he sat with his knees bend up against his chest and covered his face with his hands. His anger suddenly turned into shame and self-hatred feelings.

Frank ran around the corner and saw him.

“Gerard! Are you okay?” he yelled with concern. Gerard didn't answer, just looked up for just a second before dropping his gaze again. “Those assholes,” Frank snarled, clenching his hands into fists. “Let me call the guys and we'll...”

“No Frank,” Gerard interrupted. “It was me,” Gerard recalled all the times that he had been picked on before and how the had felt about himself everytime. “I was stupid for attending to a party where nobody likes me,” he said with a sarcastic grin and glassy eyes from the tears that he was holding.

“Don't say that,” Frank said quietly and sighed, then he stepped closer to the wall where the other boy was sitting against. Gerard shoved his face between his knees again, he was so embarrassed because Frank was there watching him while he was feeling so affected by a stupid incident caused by a bunch of assholes, but he couldn't help it, that was another reminder for that little voice in his head that told him every once in a while that no matter what, he would always be the same looser/weirdo that nobody wants to hang out with. After a moment, tears started to fall down his cheeks.

Frank gasped when he realized that Gerard was crying. He wanted to get closer, to comfort him and make him feel better, to tell him that he really liked him. He tried to fight that feeling, though. He didn't know how Gerard would react if he did so. What if he pushed him or call him a _fag_  like that time when he tried to show his feelings for another boy, back when he was in the Catholic school. Frank clenched his fist firmly and hit the wall, when he thought about that possibility.

Then he heard a sound like a sob coming from Gerard and felt helpless. Frank looked down and remembered what Mikey said the night when they both hung out in the garage and suddenly felt confident. He kneeled down next to Gerard and wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight.

Gerard flinched a little, but he didn't pull back. He felt uneasy at first because of the embarrassment caused by Frank watching him breaking down like that, but there was something about this kid's embrace that made Gerard feel better immediately.

“I like you,” Frank said quietly, almost brushing his lips against Gerard's ear. When Frank pulled back, Gerard looked up at him and their eyes locked for a moment. Then Frank noticed a last pair of tears falling from Gerard's eyes, so he leaned forward, cupped the other boy's jaw gently with one hand and wiped the tears off with his lips, first kissing Gerard's right cheek, then moving to his left side to catch one last salty drop that was running down, next to Gerard's mouth.

“I like you”, Frank repeated in a whisper after wiping one drop and before leaning to do the same on other side. With half lidded eyes, Frank looked down at Gerard's mouth, it was so tempting and so close, he just had to move a little to the right and put his lips against the other boy's to kiss him for real.

Gerard felt his heart racing inside his chest as they kissed. It was tender and sweet and something else he hadn't felt before, but then, suddenly, he realized what was happening and panicked. Gerard opened wide eyes at the realization that he was kissing Frank, that he was kissing a boy.


	5. Falling for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard finally admits what he feels for Frank.

_**Present time** _

Gerard winced, feeling exposed by what his wife was saying. “I can't...” Gerard breathed out, he couldn't lie, not to her and not at that moment, besides there was no point, she already knew. Lindsey sighed and stared quietly at him for a long moment. She looked like she would start crying at any second, but then the loud sound of laughter coming from outside broke the tension in the room if only for an instant.

Lindsey walked to the window and saw the kids playing and running around in the garden. Gerard suddenly remembered that their whole family and their friends were downstairs celebrating Bandit's birthday while they both were there, at the edge of tearing apart.

Lindsey gasped when she saw Bandit, waving at her. Donna, Gerard's mother, was holding the baby in her arms and was pointing at the bedroom window. The girl waved her hand eagerly and said something that Lindsey couldn't hear. She waved back and tried to smile at her daughter, but then she saw the figure of a man carrying a guitar case, walking across the loan and her smile vanished.

At that very moment Lyndsey brought to her memory all the quiet signs of Gerard and Frank's love. She remembered the knowing smiles they gave to each other every time they were recalling their teenage years during their conversations; the way that they alternately stared at each other when they were practicing a song and how Gerard acted when Frank called him on the phone, talking enthusiastically, stammering and smiling goofily.

Then she replayed in her mind a particularly revealing memory like it was a scene from a movie. The two men sitting on the big, green couch in the living room working on a song. Gerard stooping over the coffee table, reaching for the old notebook where they use to write their lyrics and getting into Frank's space. Frank leaning closer, Gerard turning to the side as he felt the proximity of the other man. Their eyes locking, their bodies moving closer and closer. They both jumping from the couch as she called them to dinner. The awkward, evasive response she got from Gerard when she asked him how they were doing.

Lindsey had seen all those signs and tried to ignored them, she tried to pretend that it was her imagining things, but it was clear, it was so fucking obvious and it was enough.

_**Fourteen years ago** _

Frank pulled back when he felt that Gerard's lips stopped moving. He opened his eyes and saw when Gerard drew his hand away from his waist. The older boy tilted his head to the side and was looking down, some strands of hair were falling over his forehead and covering partially his eyes. It was evident that he was trying to avoid making eye contact with Frank.

“We should go back inside,” Gerard said quietly, not daring to look at Frank, then he stood up and started walking by the alley and back to the house. For a long moment, Frank couldn't move, he stayed on the ground looking down and frowning. He had to swallow a few times to make the lump he suddenly had trapped in his throat go back.

After that night, Gerard avoided Frank systematically. At school, they ran into each other in the halls a few times. Frank waved his hand and looked at him, hoping that Gerard would stop walking towards his next class and talk to him, but the older boy just nodded silently with a blank expression, like someone that barely knows you does, and passed by.

The practice sessions at the garage were really awkward for the two of them after that. Gerard wouldn't say a word to Frank while they were setting their instruments. Later, while they were playing, Frank hovered around while Gerard was singing, as usual, but had no reaction from him more than an occasional glance and a maybe a nod. At the end of the practice, Gerard would go straight to his room, saying that he had homework to do or some shit and Frank had no opportunity to be alone with him and talk.

The following weeks, Gerard started to skip practices using lame excuses. He missed three sessions in a row and excused himself saying that he had a very important art project that he had to be working on. Mikey knew that it was bullshit, that something had happened between Frank and Gerard on Halloween night, and that that was the reason because his brother was avoiding his friend, but he didn't want to push Gerard to tell him what happened, he knew that it was Gerard's job to fix whatever it was and he didn't want to be in the middle of their affairs anymore.

The fourth time that Gerard skipped a practice, he used the _feeling sick_ excuse. Frank was eagerly hoping that Gerard would finally be at the garage that Thursday night since Mikey told him that his brother had already finished the said project. Frank wanted to see him and talk to him about the kiss. He thought that maybe Gerard's reaction was his fault because he pushed him into something that the other boy wasn't ready for.

Frank wanted to tell him that and wished that somehow they could end up together after all, but Mikey told him that Gerard wasn't making it because he was sick when Frank had seen him looking perfectly fine from afar at school, so he knew that he had lost his chances. Gerard hadn't yelled at him like that guy from his old school did, but the message was very clear, he had been rejected once again. The sudden realization of that made Frank feel sick to his stomach.

That evening, Gerard had spent hours drawing comic book characters. He was so engrossed in that task that he didn't go down earlier for dinner, besides, he knew that Frank would be around so he didn't want to leave his room knowing that he could run into Frank. Gerard hated doing that, he hated being lying and hiding and letting the guys down. He hated the glares that Mikey gave him every time that he blurted out some excuse to skip a practice, and above all, he hated being away from Frank, but he didn't feel ready to confront him just yet.

But it was almost nine p.m. and Gerard was starving. When he took his headphones out, he was able to hear the guitars still playing, that was his cue to go down to the kitchen. Once there, he took a container out of the fridge and poured some food on a plate that then he put in the microwave. As he was setting the time of heating, he heard footsteps coming closer. Gerard glanced at the door and saw Frank standing there.

The younger boy looked a little disturbed by Gerard's presence, but mostly, he looked sad. Gerard felt uneasy, immediately and thought that the best he could do was getting out of the kitchen as soon as possible, but strangely, he couldn't move.

“Um, Frank...” Gerard looked at him sheepishly, “Hi,” he said quietly.

“Hi Gerard,” Frank replied flatly, avoiding to look him in the eyes. “I came for water,” he added.

“Sure,” Gerard walked to the fridge, opened the door and grabbed a bottle of water.

“Are you feeling better?” Frank asked him as Gerard was handing him the bottle.

“Huh?” Gerard lifted his brow, disconcerted by what Frank was asking.

“Mikey said that you were sick,” Frank clarified. 

“Um, yeah... Yes, I...” He stammered. “My throat is still sore,” Gerard rubbed his throat with one hand to emphasize what he was saying. 

“Right,” Frank nodded, looking down at the bottle that he was holding in his hand. “You'd better rest your voice until you feel better, then” he muttered.

“Sure,” was all that Gerard could respond, he started to feel guilty for lying to Frank, who was now showing real concern for him.

After a moment of silence, Frank couldn't help his eyes from meet Gerard's anymore. Gerard's stomach sank when he noticed the profound sadness that Frank's eyes were reflecting. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something; he wanted to cheer Frank up somehow, he hated to see him dejected like that, but the words wouldn't come out.

“So...” Frank looked away, “Thanks for the water,” he said and left the kitchen.

Gerad felt terrible at the moment. He wanted to go after him and hug him, but instead he froze for a few minutes. He huffed harshly and considered the whole situation. He wanted to be with Frank, he really did, but what would happen then, when they would become a couple? He remembered those stupid jerks at the party calling him a _fairy_ and how humiliated he felt.

He knew that if he started a relationship with Frank he would be called that and worst names on the daily basis. But then he realized that they were just that, names that people use to label and stigmatize other people and he didn't want to be labeled, he didn't want to label himself either, besides what he felt for Frank was stronger than his fear and all that homophobic shit.

“You don't fall in love with a gender”, he thought, “You fall in love with a person”. Was he falling for Frank? Gerard opened wide eyes and felt his stomach flip at that thought and then he remembered the way he felt when Frank kissed him in that alley and bit his lip. At that moment, he knew.

Gerard ran out of the house but suddenly he stopped by the driveway. He could hear the music still playing inside the garage. He didn't want to interrupt the practice and he certainly didn't want to hear any remarks from Mikey if he just broke in asking for Frank to talk to him, so he sat on the doorsteps and waited for him to come out.

A few minutes later, the garage door opened, so Gerard stood up and got closer. Bob and Ray walked out first, but they headed in the opposite direction without even noticing Gerard's presence. Frank was right behind them, he was distracted looking back and waving goodbye at Mikey and the other guys, so when he turned his head and saw Gerard standing in front of him, he winced and looked down.

“Are you going home now?” Gerard asked him in a small voice.

“Yeah,” Frank replied quietly.

“Do you want me to give you a ride?” Gerard offered.

“No,” Frak answered quickly, shaking his head, “I'd rather walk”.

“So let me walk with you,” Gerard stepped a little closer and tilted his head to the side, waiting for an answer. Frank didn't say a word, he just shrugged and tucked his hands into his jeans pockets.

They walked a few blocks in an ominous silence. Gerard didn't want to push Frank to talk to him, he knew that he had hurt him deeply and that in return the other boy had built a wall right between them.

“I've been thinking a lot about you lately, you know?” Gerard finally dared to say. When he heard that confession, Frank started to feel his stomach churn and a lump rising up to his throat, but he didn't want Gerard to notice.

A quiet hum was Frank's response. Gerard frowned at his impassive expression and started to feel desperate to make Frank react.

He looked down and saw Frank's right hand next to his own left one, so he grabbed it and tried to lace their fingers together but the younger boy took it back immediately. They stopped walking right in front of a small park. Frank turned to face Gerard, he didn't look sad anymore, but deeply irritated.

“Gerard, why don't you go back,” Frank huffed heavily. “I don't feel like talking to anyone right now,” he snarled.

“Frank, please, I want to talk to you about what happened on Halloween”.

“About what happened?” Frank frowned angrily.

“Yeah, you know...” Gerard bit his lip, “When you kissed me,” he moved a little closer but Frank stepped back immediately.

“I shouldn't have done that,” he shook his head and looked down.

“What?” Gerard felt his heart being crushed. “You regret that you kissed me?” He asked worriedly.

“Yeah, that was wrong, I don't know why I did it”.

Gerard sighed and felt hopeless, but then Frank glanced up at him and he could see a line between his eyes that told him that Frank was lying.

“But I know why you did,” Gerard stated, “You said that you like me”.

Frank glared at him, furious. “Yeah,” he breathed out. “I like you, but what's the point when you don't want me around,” he said sternly.

“What!” Gerard lifted his brow, “Frankie, I never said that,” he cried out.

“No, you didn't, but you made it very clear when you did everything you could to avoid me after that night,” Frank snarled.

Gerard suddenly realized what had done and how that made Frank feel. “I'm so sorry Frank, it's just that...” Gerard exhaled, “I was scared”. “Scared of what?” Frank inquired severely.

The older boy rubbed his forehead with one hand, then he ran his fingers through his hair. “Of everything Frank,” he finally answered after a moment. “Of everyone finding out what happened, of being called a _fairy_ , of confronting you... But mostly...” Gerard glanced at Frank with a desperate look, “I was scared of admitting my feelings for you,” he sighted and looked down.

Frank arched and eyebrow and looked carefully at the other boy for a minute; the anger he was feeling suddenly faded away. Frank licked his lips and then stepped closer. “What do you feel for me Gerard?” He said, tilting his head, the tone of his voice had softened considerably.

“I think that I'm falling for you,” Gerard admitted.

Frank's eyes widened and a little gasp slipped out of his mouth. “I feel the same,” he answered. 

That night ended with them roaming in the park, holding hands and kissing.


	6. A make out scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short chapter but I'll be posting a longer one soon.

The boys in the band knew that they were together. Gerard told Mikey the day after there were at the park and it wasn't a surprise for the younger of the Way brothers because he knew that it would happen eventually. Ray and Bob found out in a more interesting way.

“Ray, why don't you give me those ten bucks already and save yourself from the public humiliation,” Bob said, in a very annoying patronizing tone while they were walking towards the garage, stepping over the snow. “You know that there's no way that you can beat me at Street fighter,” he added, confidently.

“Bryar,” Ray squinted at him, because no matter how much Bob bragged about his mad skills and shit, he wouldn't back down from a video game bet. “You have no...” The frizzy haired boy froze the moment that Bob opened the door and they both saw what was going on inside the garage.

Gerard had Frank pinned against the back wall, he was kissing or biting (the two startled boys couldn't tell for sure) one side of his neck. One of Gerard's legs was between Frank's thighs and the younger boy was grinding slowly but firmly, up against it.

“Ah... Gee...” Bob and Ray heard Frank's breathless voice and their eyes opened even wider and their jaws dropped lower that they already had. Bob dropped his drum sticks from his hand and the sound of the wood hitting the floor made Frank look up. He gasped and pushed Gerard back a little. Gerard turned around and stepped back immediately. He tried to look at anywhere but the doorway, whereas Frank couldn't take his huge, terrified eyes from the two boys that were standing there.

“Um...” Bob closed his mouth and hesitated before starting to talk.

“We...” Ray tried to continue, but failed.

“We have practice,” Gerard said drily and walked across the room to take the microphone stand, without turning to look at them.

“Right,” Frank finally blinked and leaned down to take his guitar from a chair near by the wall. Ray and Bob hesitated a little, but decided to walk in after a moment. They all started to plug and tune their instruments in a very awkward silence that suddenly took over the room.

“Hey guys...” Mikey entered the garage after a while, wearing a heavy coat and a blue scarf because it was pretty damn cold outside. On top of the layers of winter clothing, he had a small smile on his face, which in Mikey's bodily language meant that he was especially chirpy that day, but he suddenly frowned when he saw the way that the four boys were working there, separately and in absolute silence. The tension flooding the room was evident.

“What?” He tilted his head to the side while unwinding his scarf. “Did something happen?” he asked, expecting to hear that they had had a big fight or something like that but, instead, he got a very different answer.

“Frank and Gerard were making out when we arrived,” Bob blurted out.

Frank, standing in one corner with his guitar in his lap, winced and blushed inevitably. On the other side of the room, Gerard snorted, rubbed his face roughly with a hand and cursed Bob internaly, because as much as he liked him, the big, blond mutherfucker didn't know a thing about discretion.

Mikey's eyes widened when he heard that and he had to bite back a chuckle as he picture the scene in his head, but Ray and Bob were not as amused.

“So...” Ray was looking at them curiously, first glancing at Frank and then at Gerard. “Are you guys like...” He flicked his finger back and forth between the two of them, “Together?” He asked, cautiously.

“Yeah,” Frank nodded and bit his lip. “We are,” Gerard agreed, quietly.

“Since when?” Bob lifted his brow.

“Like a month ago,” Frank replied.

“A month ago?” Ray was frowning and looked really confused. “Why you didn't tell us before?”

“We... We didn't know how you would take it,” Gerard explained.

Bob looked at him and considered it.“It's cool,” he assure them.

“Yeah,” Ray grinned and nodded. “Just...” he paused and scowled. “No making out in the garage,” he stated, shaking his head and waving his index finger in a way that reminded them of his mom.

“And no,” Bob added, “You know...” he made a vague gesture with his hand, “Other things”.

“Oh my god!” Mikey interjected, rolling his eyes. “Can we start practicing now?”

Gerard glanced at Frank with a lopsided grin and a knowing gaze. The younger boy couldn't help but giggle.


	7. Belated birthday present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They spend some time alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains teen sex and heartbreak.

Time seemed to fly by for Frank, seriously fly. One day it was fucking cold December and the band had barely started to put together a couple of original songs and considered performing gigs, and the next, it was already spring and they had been playing as a real band in front of an actual audience, not a big one - about twenty eight people including their parents, friends, a few kids from school, some regular patrons and a couple of homeless guys - but it was totally awesome.

Frank had been about to puke his guts out like five times before the show, he was that nervous, but once that they were on stage, he just let himself being hauled by the music along with a sudden rush of adrenaline and he just loved it.

After that, Frank knew that it was only going to get better, because the summer break was just about a month away and they'd be playing hard during those three months before Gerard and Bob would have to go to college. Sometimes Frank got a little antsy at night when he was alone in his room, thinking about Gerard going to college because they wouldn't spend that much time together, but he was just going to New York, so it definitely wasn't going to be a long distance relationship at all.

What kept bugging him, though, was the fact that he didn't get to give Gerard a present for his eighteen birthday. What happened was that his amp had suffered a major accident, namely, someone left the back door of the van open and the amp suddenly flew over the pavement on a sharp curve, along with one of Bob's drums.

Frank had to spend a serious amount of money on getting a new one, which left him with nothing to give Gerard a present and he felt bad about that because Gerard was probably the most generous person he knew. He'd give away his most valuable comic book or anything else just because he wanted to see the look of utter happiness in Frank's face, and he wanted to do something like that for Gerard at least once.

Then Frank thought that he didn't have to spend any money on giving Gerard a present because he knew of something that would put an expression of utter happiness and... Pleasure on Gerard's face. All he needed was the chance to have a place where they could be alone for a couple of hours. Unfortunately, that didn't happen on April 8th. Gerard's parents organized a birthday party for him, well, it wasn't exactly a party, but a family gathering followed by a movie night for the kids.

Attending to the family gathering was worth it because, apart from the cake and the other baked goods that Donna had in the kitchen, they all got to see Gerard's relatives squeezing the hell out of him in a hug; to see grandma Elena pinching Gerard, Mikey and even Bob's cheeks like if they were toddlers - or chipmunks -, and even watching Gerard actually smiling, looking all moved, while they were singing _happy birthday_ to him, when minutes before, he kept rolling his eyes and saying that he was too old for that.

The whole blowing candles thing was interesting for Frank, because when they asked Gerard to make a wish, he glanced at Frank with a look that he remembered from the times before they were introduced by Mikey. And when one of his cousins asked him what he wished for, he glanced at Frank again but then looked away quickly trying to hide the pink blush that was covering his cheeks.

So no, he didn't have the opportunity to give Gerard the present that he planned for on his birthday because, as tempting as it was pinning Gerard against the headboard when they both were sprawled on his bed in the dim light of the TV, it was simply wrong, given that Mikey was lying on the other side and Ray, Bob, Pete and a couple of Gerard's cousins were sitting on the floor laughing and commenting on the zombie movie that they were watching.

All he allowed himself to do was grabbing Gerard's hand from where it was resting idly over the comforter and lace their fingers together. It was nice, definitely, but it was also absolutely frustrating. Since Ray and Bob declared the garage as a  _sex free_ area, they didn't have a private place to be alone.

They were at the Ways most times, but getting intimate in Gerard's room was not a good idea, not with Mikey walking in and out and with their parents downstairs. And even when Gerard seemed to be fine with it, Frank couldn't stand the sexual frustration any longer.

They had had several very heated but very short make out sessions here and there and even a couple of quick, sloppy hand jobs in the back seat of Gerard's car, but Frank wanted more than that, he wanted to have Gerard naked, lying on his bed and being able to trace every line and every curve of his body with his fingers and lips and tongue _oh_   _so_  slowly.

They really needed a place where they could be naked and horizontal and Frank saw the perfect opportunity when his mom, in an outburst of compassion or perhaps madness, decided to give Stan, a short, balding not very attractive guy from her office, a chance and accepted his invitation for dinner. That night, she'd be at home by eleven, which gave Frank and Gerard four good hours to be alone in his room and maybe in other places of the house, if they decided to experiment a little.

The four hours soon were reduced to three when Gerard called Frank minutes before seven and told him that he was still in some memorial service at the other side of the town and that he wouldn't be able to make it until eight. “So,” Gerard said on the phone, “What you have planned? Are we watching a movie?” “No,” Frank bit his lip, “Actually, it's more like a...” he considered it for a moment, “You know what? I got you a present”.

“A present?” Gerard asked a little disconcerted. “Yeah,” Frank breathed out because he didn't know how to explain it. “A birthday present”. Gerard took a moment before responding. “Frank,” he said earnestly, “My birthday was almost three weeks ago”. “I know!” Frank whined, “I'm the worst boyfriend ever!” He heard Gerard snickering at that. “You're not Frankie,” he said in a comforting way. “Well, you don't think that I'm the best boyfriend either,” Frank stated kind of reproaching both, Gerard and himself.

“Well...” Gerard considered that for a moment, “You got a very high score so far, but before I can make my final decision, I have to see what you got me for my birthday”. “Then get the hell out of there and come to my house already,” Frank said, sounding a little whiny. “I can't Frankie, but I'll be there in an hour, I promise”. Frank sighed, “Okay”.

“I have to go now,” Gerard started talking faster. “My mom just found me, see ya”. He hung up before Frank could respond, so he put the handset back on the phone and then walked out of his room to find his mom. She was standing in front of a mirror  by the entrance of the house, putting on her earrings.

“Frank,” she said when she saw the reflection of her son as he walked closer. “I left the money for the pizza on the counter”. “Okay,” the boy nodded, then looked down and bit his lip in the way that her mom recognized as the face that he wore every time that he had done something wrong. “Hey, um... Mom...” he said, faltering. “What?” Linda turned around and furrowed his brow immediately; when she suspected something, she always frowned before Frank could finish his sentence and he hated that. “I forgot to tell you...” he said, “Gerard is coming over, we're gonna watch a movie.”

“Okay,” Linda's expression softened and she turned to the mirror again to put her other earring on. “But nothing too violent or bloody or any of those horror movies that those Way kids like to watch,” she said with her head cocked and her hands working on her left ear. Frank felt the urge to roll his eyes, but refrained.

“No mom,” he assured her, “We're watching X-men,” — if we have time after all the sex we're gonna have — Frank thought and bit back a giggle. “Okay then. I have to go”. She said and walked to the door. “Yeah mom, have fun,” Frank waved and grinned at her, trying to look innocent. “You too,” she nodded, then opened the door and walked out.

By eight o'clock, Frank had had almost three slices of pizza, had cleaned the kitchen twice and now he was tiding up his room again. Maybe he didn't give himself the opportunity to think about it before because all the excitement and anticipation and stuff, but now that the moment he was waiting for was so close, he suddenly started to feel nervous, really nervous and he had to spend that antsy energy on what he considered his third more effective way, cleaning.

The abrupt sound of the doorbell made him jump and drop the cushion that he was rearranging on his bed, then he jogged to the entrance. Before he opened the door, he gave himself a moment to breath deeply and lower his heart rate. The attempt was totally useless because his pulse went even faster once that he saw Gerard in the doorway, all bright eyes under dishevelled hair, smiling at him.

“Hi,” the older boy said with a smile and for some reason his voice sounded especially alluring to Frank. “Hi,” he replied and then stared dreamily at Gerard for a moment before he realized that he had to move away form the doorway in order to let the other boy in. “Oh,” he opened wide eyes and shook himself. “Come on in,” he managed to say, grinning.

Once that they were in the living, Gerard kept craning his head over Frank's and shifting his eyes around the place like if he was looking for something. “So,” he finally said, “Where's my present?” Frank chuckled at his impatience. “Well... Listen...” he started, “Your present isn't exactly a thing”, Frank cringed his nose because he didn't know how to put it. “So, what is it?” Gerard said, narrowing his brow. “It's like a..." Frank thought for a moment before saying, “A time and a space”, he scowled immediately because that just sounded weird and it didn't help to ease Gerard's disconcerted face at all.

“Look, my mom went out on a date so we have the house to ourselves until eleven,” Frank said when he finally managed to articulate a sentence with a logical meaning. “Oh,” Gerard's expression shifted immediately. “Cool!” he said enthusiastically and grinned. “So... Do you have something to eat? Because I'm starving” Gerard rubbed his stomach and looked at him expectantly. Frank, emitted a deflating sigh because, of course, Gerard didn't get it. “Sure,” he replied weakly and pointed with his index finger, “In the kitchen”.

When Gerard saw the box over the counter, he yelled “Pizza!” in a voice that pretty much sounded like a very excited, very hungry five year old kid, but Frank didn't have time for his boyfriend to have dinner or to act like a child, so he stepped closer and put his hand on Gerard's waist. “Gee,” he said, looking at him directly in the eyes. “Why don't you leave the pizza for later,” he said, pushing the box away with his free hand.

“But I'm hungry,” Gerard pouted a little and now he sounded like an annoying, whiny five year old. “I know,” Frank said, “But, you can have pizza now...” he leaned forward and kissed Gerard's cheek softly, “Or you can have something else...” “Something else? Gerard looked around like if he was expecting to see a buffet table or some shit. Frank rolled his eyes. Sometimes Gerard could be so fucking oblivious, but then Frank got a little bit closer and started to trace Gerard's jaw line with his lips and to slide his hands beneath the other boy's shirt.

The moment that Frank started to nibble his earlobe, Gerard gasped and pulled back. Frank could see in his dark pupils that he finally got it. The older boy leaned down and kissed him deep and dirty and started to push Frank back by the hips, until he got him pinned against the door. Very soon the sound of moaning and heavy breathing started to resonate in the kitchen.

“Gee...” Frank said, panting, “Let's go to my room”. It took a moment for Gerard to react and for him to stop grinding against Frank's thigh. “Gee...” Frank insisted, breathlessly and Gerard finally pulled back a little, taking his face from where it was buried in Frank's neck. He took a couple of deep breaths in order to calm himself down and finally whispered “Okay”. They left the kitchen holding hands and walked into the room at the end of the hall.

Frank dropped Gerard's hand by the foot of the bed and then wasted no time in getting on it, pulling the covers down and throwing his shoes down to the floor. He started to lift the hem of his T shirt and was about to tug it up over his head when he realized that Gerard was standing still where Frank had left him, looking at him with big, startled eyes.

“Gerard..." Frank frowned, "What are...?” he pulled down the piece of fabric that he had clenched in his hands, suddenly feeling self-conscious. The older boy cocked his head and bit his lip in a way that Frank knew he did when he was nervous. “Frank...” he frowned, “Are you sure about this?” Gerard asked, sounding concerned.

“Yeah,” Frank tried to assure him, but Gerard didn't look convinced. The older boy sighed, “You know that sex is a big step, don't you?” “Yeah, I know,” Frank swallowed, “But... I want to take that step with you,” he said and looked deep into Gerard's eyes, then he tilted his head down and reconsidered it for a moment. “Look,” Frank lifted his eyes again, “We don't have to fuck or anything,” he explained, because no, he wasn't ready for that yet. “But we can do other things, you know?” He moved a little closer to Gerard , “We can take it slow”.

“Slow,” Gerard repeated with a nod. “Yeah,” Frank got on his knees and clenched the sides of Gerard's shirt to pull him closer. “It's just that I really, really want to take your clothes off and... "He lifted his right hand and started to rub Gerard's belly and chest in a reassuring way. "And be with you like this... Just you and me in my bed, okay?” Gerard lips curled up into a fond smile, “Okay,” he grinned, then he leaned down and started to kiss Frank very softly, applying just a slight amount of pressure with his lips, their tongues were barely touching.

After a moment, Gerard kneeled down on the bed as well and started to pull Frank back until the younger boy was lying with his back against the mattress. Frank tugged Gerard's shirt to pull him down with him. Their bodies shifted to get a better possition, so they both were lying on their sides, still kissing and with their legs entangled. Their breathing went faster and shallower as the kisses and the friction between their thighs got more intense.

Frank slid his hands between the two of them and started to unbutton Gerard's shirt. “Take it out,” he said when there were still a few buttons to undo, but the shirt was open at the top just enough for Gerard to pull it off over his head. Gerard did so and then Frank sat up to take his T shirt off as well. After that, he leaned and reached down for Gerard's belt. He struggled a little with the buckle, but Gerard helped him putting his hands over Frank's and unfastened it with a flip of his thumb.

Unzipping his jeans was a lot easier and once that the fly was down, all that Frank had to do was pulling the piece of clothing down a little to expose Gerard's hard on, outlined by the stretched fabric of his underwear. Frank couldn't resist the urge to touch it, so he palmed Gerard's cock, first over his briefs and then sliding his hand under the thin fabric, grabbing his hard dick it by the base and then gliding his fist slowly up to the head. 

At that moment, Gerard emitted a loud throaty moan and his neck arched back in a way that allowed Frank to duck his head in and start sucking and biting that patch of pale skin. Feeling Frank jacking him off was good, really good, but Gerard wanted to try something different, so he grabbed Frank's wrist tight until it stopped moving and then he sat up. He took his shoes off and finally tossed his pants and underwear to the floor. Then he swooped over Frank and made him lay back.

Frank saw Gerard kissing his neck and chest and going lower to pulling his jeans and shorts down. The unexpected pressure of Gerard's erection against his bare thigh and the electrifying sensation of Gerard's teeth around his nipples, made Frank moan loud and high, repeatedly. That was a kind of moan that Gerard had only heard in porn and it felt great to be hearing it for real and coming from Frank.

“Fuck!” Frank said breathtessly, because fuck, that was better that what he had ever imagined. Or at least he thought so until Gerard got on top of him, took both of their cocks in his hand and started to grind his hips rhythmically. Now, that was definitely better. The overwhelming sensation of the warm, slick skin of Gerard's dick against his own and the grip of his fist were just perfect. It wasn't long until Frank was right at the edge, but he wanted to hold it, to make it last a little longer.

His attempt was futile because the moment that Gerard started to rub both of their cock's heads with his thumb, Frank lost it. He came hard, trembling and moaning beneath Gerard. “Frankie...” Gerard panted out and thrusted once more against his belly, before reaching his own orgasm. They stood still for a moment, gasping for air with their eyes closed and their mouths open.

Gerard shifted to his side when their breathing got slower and Frank turned to face him with a dreamy smile. They were lying face to face, staring at each other. There was cum dripping down their stomachs and mixing on the sheets between them, but they didn't care.

“I love you Frankie,” Gerard said quietly out of nowhere. Frank felt his heart beating faster again all of the sudden and his stomach flipped. That declaration took him totally off guard, but after a moment he knew, he felt it too, he was sure. “I love you too, Gee,” he replied grinning. Gerard smiled back before tugging the covers up and leaning in to press his lips tenderly against Frank's. The younger boy pulled back a little when he thought that he heard a sound coming from the hall, but Gerard insisted on keep kissing him, so he didn't put up much resistance and sank back on the pillow.

“Frank where...” they suddenly heard a female voice. “Shit!” They forgot to close the door. “Shit!” The two boys sat up, terrified. “Frank!” His mom shouted from the doorway in a tone that sounded close to the thin line between flabbergast and outraged. Her eyes were wide open, but then she looked away, stepped back and stood behind the wall.

“You two, put your clothes on and come to the living, now!” She growled. Frank couldn't see her face, but it wasn't necessary to know how mad she was, she sounded absolutely furious. They jumped out of the bed and quickly took their clothes from the floor in silence. Gerard seemed to deliberately avoid making eye contact while they were gettting dressed. Frank knew that it was because he was feeling guilty for what had happened.

They walked through the hall, faltering. Frank's breathing was uneven and he could feel the thump of his heart beat rumbling in his ears. He thought that it would be better if he'd stay quiet until his mom started to talk, he knew how pissed off she got whenever he tried to justify something he had done wrong before she had finished making her point. But, the moment he saw his mom in the living room, sitting on the couch glaring at them, her face flushed with anger, he felt the urge to say something.

“Mom I...” He started, “I thought that you were with Stan and we...” “Stan is a jerk,” she interrupted. “And the fact that I'm out doesn't mean that you get to be naked in your bed with...” She glared at Gerard. “With him,” she said, her tone was filled with hatred. “Mom,” Frank cried out, “It's not like that... Gerard...” Frank hesitated a little. “He's my boyfriend, okay?” Frank tried to explain, “We're...” “Your...” Linda's eyes went wide and she grimaced, “Oh my god!” She stood up and ran her fingers through her hair.

“Mrs. Iero I...” Gerard tried to intervene, but Linda shushed him immediately, lifting her palm. “Don't you even...” She said between gritted teeth. She was still staring at Frank, but then she frowned and suddenly turned to look at Gerard. “How old are you anyway?” She asked him, severely. “I just turned eighteen”.

When she threatened of accusing him of having sex with a minor, Gerard knew that it was it, he and Frank wouldn't be together anymore.


	8. It's not over

It was 9:29 p.m. Gerard could hear the murmur of the TV downstairs, the voice of his mom asking his dad something and the man replying after a moment; the muffled noise of Mikey's footsteps down the hall and even the far sound of some kids talking and laughing out in the street. It was quite early for Gerard to be lying in bed with the lights out, like if he was already going to sleep, but he didn't feel like doing anything else. After he came back home that night, all he wanted to do was lying face down on his bed, with his eyes closed and try not to think about Frank even when that was like asking him not to breathe.

The day after the whole thing happened, Linda called Gerard's parents and told them that Frank and Gerard couldn't be _friends_ anymore. “He's a _bad influence_ for my son,” she said. Gerard's parents didn't care much about what she was talking about, they thought that the problem got to do with cigarettes or booze, or any of the shenanigans that teenage kids get into. They didn't bother to ask, Gerard didn't bother to explain. Even though, they asked him to stay away from Frank; whatever that was about, they didn't want to have problems with other kids' parents.

The following week Frank was transferred back to Sacred Heart High, which was ridiculous because it was only a month before the summer break and no one should be transferred at the end of the school year. In addition to that, his mom grounded him and didn't allow him to be in the band anymore. Gerard hadn't seen him since that and he felt terrible. All he wanted was to see him, to hear his voice, to hold him tight and have his smell all over him again, but he thought that there was nothing he could do about it.

He had tried to call Frank several times, but the kid didn't have a cell phone, so he had to call at his house number and most times nobody answered until Linda picked up the phone and Gerard had to hang up immediately. He also used to drive to Frank's house at night, when his presence wasn't that obvious and parked on the other side of the street, then he waited for hours for Frank to come out, but nothing, the house always seemed to be deserted and Gerard couldn't just sound the horn or throw pebbles at his window or take a boombox to his front yard and play a love song or whatever that people do in movies in situations like this, because surely, his mom would be there and she would know and he didn't want to give Frank more trouble.

The kid had had to change schools at the end of the year; he had to leave his friends and his boyfriend; had to quit the band which was basically the most important thing in Frank's life at the time and all because of what happened and Gerard couldn't help but to feel guilty. He could have said no, he could have said no to Frank and the other boy would have understood. They would have been in the living room watching a movie and eating pizza when his mom came back and everything would be fine.

But then Gerard thought that if he would have said no, then he wouldn't have had the opportunity to be with Frank the way he did and tell him that he loved him and hearing the other kid saying I love you back. He also realized that no matter what he decided to do, all that homophobic bullshit that tore them apart would be still out there and that there was very little he could do about that.

After Frank quit the band, Gerard kept missing practices one after the other. He didn't feel in the mood to be singing, he didn't feel in the mood to do anything, plus, without Frank, the band wasn't the same anymore and the other guys felt that too. They even had to cancel a presentation that Ray had arranged and that forced Mikey to make a decision.

One night he called the guys to a meeting in the garage and they talked about the future of the band. Ray, Bob and Mikey argued intensely for a more than an hour until they all agreed on something. Meanwhile, Gerard just stood there quietly, with his arms crossed, staring at the space and not quite listening.

Gerard remembered the three other boys turning to look at him questioningly when they finally came to an agreement. “Gee, it's that okay with you?” Mikey asked him kind of gently. “Yeah,” Gerard nodded weakly, “Whatever you guys decide”. They called it a hiatus, but Gerard knew better, that was the end of My chemical romance.

The summer break started a couple of weeks later and without the band and without Frank, Gerard felt desperate when he was alone in his room with nothing to do, so he thought that maybe getting a job would distract him a little, and it did. The tasks he had to do at the CD store were simple and repetitive. He had to unpack the new arrivals, organize the CDs, LPs and DVDs by artist name and year, tag them, check that they were registered in the system on the computer, place them in the racks, help the clients find what they were looking for and make suggestions if they didn't know what they were looking for.

It was simple and repetitive and pretty effective when it came to keeping Gerard's mind free of sad thoughts about Frank during the day. But then at night, when he was back at home and alone in his room, there weren't any distractions that could be as effective, so he just threw himself on the bed and spend hours helplessly thinking about him.

“Gerard?” Mikey knocked. “Gee, are you awake?” He asked, he had already cracked open the door and was sticking his head through it. “No,” Gerard answered, his voice was muffled because he had half of his face sunk in the pillow. “Gee...” Mikey walked in and turned on the lights. The sudden shining made Gerard shut his eyes and then blink a couple of times. “Mom wants you to take out the trash”. “Okay,” Gerard breathed out, “I'll do it later,” — if I manage to make my legs move again —, he thought. “Good,” Mikey nodded.

Gerard thought that that was all and that it was his cue to say good night to his brother and then go back to his quiet, vegetative state, but instead of leaving the room, Mikey walked to him and sat down on the foot of the bed. “I saw him today, you know?” Mikey said trying to sound casual. “Who?” Gerard opened wide eyes. “Frank?” he asked impatiently, “You saw Frank?” He insisted. “Yeah,” Mikey nodded. “Where?” Gerard sat up and looked at his brother expectantly. “In the street,” Mikey answered. “He was walking out of a grocery store carrying a bunch of empty boxes and crates. I helped him take them to his house”. Gerard ignored the possible implications of that information.

“Are you seeing him again?” He asked desperately. “Can you tell him to go tomorrow to the mall and meet me at the CD store? My lunch break is at one, maybe he can drop by and...” the possibility of seeing Frank again made Gerard talk fast and not notice the shift in Mikey's face. “I don't think he'll be able to make it,” he said gloomily, looking down at the faded carpet that covered the floor. “Why?” Gerard moved a little closer and tilted his head.

“They're leaving, Gee”. Gerard frowned. “What?” his voice went high with concern. “Frank and his mom. They're moving to Boston”. “Boston?” Gerard felt his stomach sinking. “Yeah, his mom got a job there, better paid he said, and some of her relatives live there, so, yeah,” Mikey exhaled, “They're leaving on Sunday”. “This Sunday?" Gerard took a hand to his forehead and ran his fingers through his hair. He stayed like that for a moment, with his face tilted down, a hand tugging his hair and his eyes fixed on his feet. That was it, Gerard thought, he wouldn't be back with Frank again.

“Gee,” Mikey said when he felt that the silence was too much to bare. “Boston is not that far,” he tried to console his brother with that and outstretched his hand to pat Gerard's knee. “Mikey,” Gerard looked up and called his name with a cracked voice, “He's leaving”. Mikey saw the pain reflected in his brother's eyes. “I know,” he breathed out.

The next day grandma Elena arrived early to the house, she was going to spend the weekend with the Ways. From the very moment she saw Gerard walking down the stairs in the morning, she noticed that something was wrong. Gerard was aloof and quiet and looked somehow sad. Elena saw a hint in his smile that told her that there was something affecting this boy so much that he had replaced his always sweet smile for a cold, fake grin.

But she didn't get to ask him anything that morning because the whole family went out for breakfast. They spent some time together after that but then Gerard left to work in a hurry. At night he came back exhausted and stopped by the kitchen for a cup of coffee before going to his room. Gerard was sitting at the kitchen table, hunched, staring at his mug. He was holding it with both hands, frowning and some strands of hair were falling down his face.  The sound of a female voice took him out of his thoughts and made him shake his head.

“Why are you so sad?” Elena asked as she walked closer to him. “I'm not sad grandma,” Gerard looked up and Elena could see that poor attempt of a smile appearing on his face again. “How stupid do you think I'm Gerard?” She pulled a chair back and sat down. “You can't' fool me with your fake smiles. I can see that something is going on and you are going to tell me all about it now,” she said firmly but then softened her tone. “I'm sure that it will make you feel better”.

Gerard sighed when his grandmother reached out to brush off the strands of hair that were covering his eyes. “Problems at school?” She asked quietly. “No,” Gerard shook his head. Apart from the usual bullshit he had to evade from his jerk schoolmates and the fact that he was living with a broken heart, he had managed to keep good notes until the last day, besides he had already secured a place in SVA.

“Problems with your parents?” Elena tried. “Have they been fighting again?” “No," Gerard shrugged with one shoulder, "They're getting along just fine”. “It's a girl then?” He frowned. Elena knew that her grandson's gloomy mood had to do with the matters of the heart, but she didn't want to bring it up right from the beginning knowing that Gerard may not want to talk about that with his grandmother.

Gerard huffed. “It's a boy,” he said shyly after a moment and turned his gaze down to his mug again. “Oh,” Elena felt bad for not considering that possibility, then she leaned down and put her hand on Gerard's. “So, tell me about him,” she said with a small smile. He didn't want to talk about Frank, not to his grandma, not to his parents, not even to Mikey. He felt too fucking bad to be re-enacting how he had lost him in the form of a narration.

“Gee,” she said softly and Gerard felt his grandma's wrinkly hand fondling the back of his own one, that made him look up and meet Elena's concerned eyes. At that moment, he realized that this old woman sitting in from of him was there showing real concern and he thought that maybe talking to someone would actually make him feel a little better. So he sighed shakily and, inspite of the huge lump that he felt trapped in his throat, he started to talk.

“He...” Gerard faltered, “His name is Frank...” “Frank? The short kid with the...” Elena asked, she actually remembered him. “Yeah,” Gerard nodded. “Okay, go on,” she grinned in a reassuring way, then squeezed Gerard's hand a little. At first it was really awkward and even painful feeling the words struggling to come out of his mouth, but a few minutes later he felt that the lump in his throat was actually starting to fade away.

Elena didn't say a word as Gerard talked, she just nodded and smiled, amazed by the way that her grandson was talking about this kid. She had never heard Gerard talking about someone like that. He told her about how they met, about the band, about what an amazing guitarist he was and all the things they had in common and Elena could tell that Gerard was in love. Then he explained her how it all ended up when Frank's mom caught them in his room, skipping the sex details, of course.

“And he's leaving tomorrow,” Gerard concluded and sighed, feeling dejected. Elena frowned and pursed her lips, “But sweetheart,” she started, “You know that it's not over, right?” At first Gerard didn't understand what she was saying, how could it not be over, if they wouldn't be together anymore? “It's not over until you two decide it,” she clarified.

Gerard opened wide eyes when he came to realize that. His grandma was right, they never said that it was over and certainly it wasn't. His feelings about Frank where as strong as the day they got intimate in his room and he didn't think that that would change so easily. Gerard felt hopeful as he contemplated the possibility. Maybe it wasn't the time for them to be together, but eventually...

Gerard looked up at Elena and smiled, it was an authentic smile this time. He stood up from the chair and stepped to the other side of the table to give his grandmother a hug. “Thanks grandma,” he said, grinning, “You're the best”. He pulled back and walked to the door. “You're going now?” Elena asked a little disappointed because she wanted to keep talking to her grandson. “Yeah, I have something to do.” He stepped closer again and leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Thank you again, good night”. “Good night sweetheart,” she said and looked at him, resigned.

After that, Gerard ran to his room and rummaged desperately in his desk drawers looking for a pen. Then he took the first notebook that his hand grabbed out of his backpack. It was almost filled with his school notes and some drawings that he had made when the classes were too boring for him to pay attention, so he kept turning the pages quickly, one after the other until he got a blank page and started to write.


	9. Some last written words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sad chapter with a hint of hope in the end.

Gerard was determined to wake up early that Sunday. He didn't know what time Frank and his mom were leaving to Boston so he figured that he'd had better chances of catching Frank before he left if he went to his house first thing in the morning. So after finishing writing a letter, he set his alarm clock and went to sleep.

Falling asleep wasn't easy given the mix of nervousness, longing and anticipation that he was feeling at the time, but what was really keeping him awake, tossing and turning on his bed, was the thought of actually never get to see Frank again, of losing him for good. His chest tightened every time that the thought crossed his mind and he couldn't help but to open his eyes and stare at the ceiling for several minutes feeling helpless until his eyelids gave in and slowly got closed, finally allowing him to shift from wakefulness to sleep.

That night had been really hot, maybe unusually hot for Jersey even in the summer, so Gerard left the window fully open the whole night and now a crisp morning breeze was blowing through it making the long, dark curtains sway. The sound of the fabric flapping, along with the insistent beeping of his alarm clock, woke Gerard up.

As he opened his eyes, he could see a stripe of light illuminating the windowsill, which was a clear sign that the first sunbeams were making their way into his bedroom. Gerard sat up on the bed, rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and smacked carelessly the top of the alarm clock to quiet it down.

He didn't feel rested at all, in fact, he felt exhausted. It was one of that times when he had gone to bed so late and had to wake up so early in the morning, that the night seemed to last the same as a blink, enough for him to not notice the slow transition between the darkness and the clear light of the day, but not at all enough to fully recover his energy.

Tripping a little, he stood up from the bed and walked to the bathroom. He considered taking a shower while he was standing in front of the toilet, peeing. Even when his reflection in the mirror was telling him that his scruffy, greasy hair really needed to be washed, he dismissed the idea almost immediately because he knew that that would take a while and right then, he didn't' have any time to waste. He just washed his face, brushed his teeth and before returning to his room to take his pj's off and put some clothes on, he tried to comb his messy hair down with his fingers.

A few minutes later, he left the house with a chocolate pop tart tucked into one of his jeans pockets and a little blue envelope in the other one. He breathed deeply before he got in his car. Gerard tried to eat during the ride, but he just couldn't. His nerves turned his stomach into a churning mess and hunger was last in the list of issues he had to take care of at the time, so he tossed the pop tart on the passenger seat and tried to focus on figuring out a way to give Frank the letter he wrote for him the night before without Linda noticing it.

Unfortunately, he didn't have much time to come up with a plan because, not long after that, he already could see Frank's house on his left-hand side. Gerard parked two blocks away and walked to house on the opposite sidewalk, cautiously because he didn't want to be seen. There was a moving truck parked outside the house and two big guys carrying a couch out by the front door. He could see that the truck was almost completely loaded, so he thought that there were only a few more pieces of furniture to take out of the house.

As he walked closer, he saw that Linda's SUV was parked in front of the moving truck and it had the sliding door open. “This is the last box, mom,” Gerard jumped when he heard Frank's voice. The boy was walking down the front steps carrying a big box and totally oblivious of Gerard's presence. 

“He's right there,” Gerard muttered to himself as he saw Frank putting the box in the back seat of the car. He didn't think that it was going to be as easy as it seemed to be, Frank was right there, all that Gerard had to do was crossing the street and give Frank the letter and maybe a last kiss. “So easy”, he thought, but then he saw Linda walking out. Of course it wasn't going to be that easy. Gerard stepped back and hid behind the trunk of a big tree.

“Are you sure Frank?” Linda asked. “Yes, mom,” he replied, annoyed and rolled his eyes. “Okay, then help me to take out the boxes that are in the kitchen”. Frank nodded weakly and went back inside. Gerard ran his fingers through his hair, feeling desperate. Frank and his mom were about to go away and Gerard couldn't give Frank personally the letter without causing trouble. He stood there behind the tree watching Frank and his mom taking boxes into the van for a while, trying to decide what to do. “There has to be a way,” Gerard said to himself, “There has to be a way to give him the letter without his mom seeing me.” Surely there was a way, but Gerard couldn't think of any at the time.

He was about to cross the street and do something crazy when he saw his salvation in the form of a fourteen year old girl that was walking an old basset-hound. “Mandy, hi!” Gerard said, feeling somehow relieved. Mandy was the daughter of one of his mom's friends and he knew her since she was a toddler. “Hi Gerard,” she grinned and stop walking. “What are you doing here?” She asked, the dog was curious too, it got closer to sniff Gerard's shins and its long ears brushed his shoes.

“Nothing,” the boy shook his head. “I'm just... Um...” he faltered because he wasn't sure that what he was planning would result, but he had to try, Mandy was his last resort. “Mandy, can you do me a favor?” He asked with a pleading voice. “Sure,” the girl answered immediately. “What is it?” Gerard turned to look at the other side of the street, the movers had already closed the back door of the truck and they seemed to be ready to leave just waiting for Linda to give them the cue, but at the time she was busy talking to someone on the phone.

“Do you see that boy over there?” Frank was leaning against the SUV seemingly waiting for his mom as well. “Uh...” the girl craned her neck, “Frank?” She asked, but didn't wait for Gerard to answer. “Yeah, he's my neighbor, well, used to be, the Ieros are moving today,” she explained. “Yeah,” Gerard sighed deeply, “I know”. He stared at Frank for a moment, feeling something tightening in his chest. “Can you give him this letter for me?” He handed her the letter wrapped in a little blue envelope.

“Sure,” she nodded, “But why don't you give it to him yourself? He's right over there,” she said, pointing out the obvious proximity of the other boy. Gerard turn to see Frank again. There was nothing Gerard longed more than being able to walk over there and give him the letter himself, or better, telling Frank directly what he wanted to, but he couldn't. He looked at Mandy and sighed, “His mom doesn't want me around, you know?”

The girl didn't know a thing about them but she seemed to understand. Mandy glanced at the little envelope that she had in her hand and then looked at Gerard questioningly. “Is he your boyfriend?” She asked. “Yeah,” Gerard replied shyly and felt his cheeks heating up a little. “Okay,” Mandy grinned, “I'll give it to him”. A smile crossed Gerard's face. “Thank you!” He exhaled feeling relief. “Just be careful, okay? Don't let his mom see it”. “I won't,” the girl shook her head and called the dog who was then lying on the sidewalk. “Lucy, C'mon,” she pulled the leash a little and when dog stood up, they both started to cross the street.

“Frank, hey!” The boy turned around when he hear the girl calling him and stepped forward to meet her. “Hi Mandy,” he greeted her with a wide grin. Linda was still on the phone, but then she walked to the back of the moving truck to tell the guys, with a gesture of her hand, that they could go now. She didn't suspect anything when Mandy dropped by, it was just the neighbor girl saying goodbye.

“Lucy,” Frank tapped his hand on his leg and the dog jump to his knee, wagging her tail. “Girl, I'm gonna miss you,” he kneeled down to pet Lucy's head. Frank was still smiling, but his tone sounded slightly sad. “Hey,” Mandy said, “I'll miss you too, you know?” Frank looked up and huffed, “Yeah, I know”. He stood up and hugged the girl, “Me too,” he said quietly. When Frank pulled back, Mandy shifted her body a little and glanced back over her shoulder to make sure that Linda wasn't around, then she leaned forward and whispered to Frank, “Your boyfriend wanted me to give you this”. She handed him the letter.

“What!” Frank's eyes widened as he held the envelope in his hand. “Gerard?” The surprise made his pulse and breathing go faster immediately. Mandy nodded and pointed back with her thumb. Gerard was totally visible on the other side of the street, he forgot that he was supposed to be standing behind the tree. “Gee!” Frank yelled and ran to him. “Frank where are you going?” Her mom shouted, from behind the moving truck, but Frank didn't listen at her.

“Gee,” he repeated in a smaller, deflated voice when he was standing right in front of him. “Frank,” Gerard released the breath he had been holding while Frank talked to Mandy. “We're moving to Boston,” Frank said in a way that sounded like an explanation but mostly like an apology. “I know,” Gerard nodded.

Now that he had Frank in front of him, he wanted to recite the words he wrote in the letter and that he had memorized, but he couldn't say them aloud, the huge lump he had trapped in his throat didn't allow it. Frank bit his lip and stare at him. His eyes seemed to be pleading for Gerard to say something.

“I love you,” Gerard managed to say, quietly and just a little shakily. “I love you too, Gee...” the younger boy stepped closer and was about to say something when a horn interrupted him. “Frank!” Linda shouted again, she was already sitting in the driver's seat of the SUV. “Get in the car, we have to go now!” The boys ignored her.

“Gee, I'm sorry,” Frank whispered, his voice was broken and Gerard couldn't stand it any longer. He leaned forward and held Frank tight against his body. “Don't be Frank, it's not your fault,” he assured him and rubbed his back soothingly. It felt so good to be hugging Frank again, to wrap his arms around him and feel the warmth of his body, but at the same time Gerard felt terrible because that was probably the last time that he would be able to do that.

“Frank!” They heard Linda's voice again, but this time it was closer. The woman had moved the vehicle and now it was in the middle of the street right behind them. Gerard looked at her, resigned. “Bye Frankie,” he whispered in the other boy's ear. “Bye Gee,” Frank replied, but before he he pulled back, he kissed Gerard's cheek softly. Gerard shivered a little at that.

He saw Frank getting in the car and a small smile crossed his face, despite of the deep sadness he was feeling at the time, when he saw the younger boy climbing over the pile of boxes that were placed in the back seat and pressed his hand against the back window. Gerard stood there, in the same spot until he saw the car turning to the left and disappearing into some street.

When Frank wasn't able to see Gerard's figure anymore, he sighed and sat back, holding his knees against his chest. He took the letter that Gerard wrote out of his pocket and stare at it trying to hold back the tears that were stinging his eyes. He didn't want to read it right then, he wanted to wait until he was alone, so he look at it for just a second and then tucked it into his jeans pocket again.

Several miles and a few hours later, the van turned into some street that Frank seemed to recognize from the pictures that his mom had shown him before. The sudden recognition made him shift from the ball his body was curled into. He sat up on the seat and looked curiously through the side window. Those were the same trees and the same brick houses he had seen when Linda show him the photos she took when she was scouting for houses a few weeks before. Yes, he was sure, that was the street where he was going to live in and, a few yards further, he could see the house that his mom had bought.

The movers were already there taking a dresser inside, so the front door was open. As soon as Linda parked, Frank climbed again over the boxes and bags that where piled on the seats and exited the vehicle with a jump. He ignored his mother yelling behind him and then jogged into the house. He went upstairs to where Linda had told him that his new room was. He recognized it immediately because his old mattress and his desk were already there, so he walked in and closed the door with a thud.

Frank's breathing was uneven at the time and he felt that he was going to start crying before he could even take the letter out of the little, blue envelope that Mandy had handed him. He managed to calm himself down a little and sat down on the bare mattress with his legs crossed, then carefully took out the letter and unfolded it. Frank's lips curled into a small smile when he saw Gerard's messy, unmistakable handwriting sprawled all over the sheet of paper.

“Frankie,” he started to read, “ I know that you're going away and that we're not going to be able to see each other or to be together anymore, not now, at least,” Frank sniffed as a tear dropped down his cheek. “I hate the way that things ended up, but I just talked to someone about you and what she said made realize that even when it seems that now it's not the right time for us, maybe some day it will,” Frank frowned and reread that last part because he hadn't considered that possibility. “Some day,” Frank muttered to himself and kept reading. “I just want you to know that this is not over Frankie, my love for you isn't over”.

Frank gasped. Gerard was right, it wasn't over, they loved each other and there was still a possibility. The boy smiled and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. He took that possibility as a promise.


	10. Party in New York

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost six years since Frank left New Jersey. One day he goes with some friends to a concert in New York and they're invited to a party afterwards. Frank can't hide his excitement when he sees two of his ex bandmates there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are references to depression and addictions in this chapter.

When Frank entered the house he never expected to see anyone he knew from Jersey, that was the reason why his eyes widened beyond their limit when he saw Bob Bryar among a group of people that were standing in the middle of the living room.

Bob looked almost the same as Frank remembered him from when they were together in the band before he had to move to Boston, the only differences where that Bob looked slimmer, he surely had dropped a few pounds, and now a thick, blond beard covered half of his face.

“Bob, hey!” Frank got on his tip toes and waved a hand high. Between the sound of the music and the murmur of the conversations that resonated in the room, Bob didn't seem to notice Frank, but he insisted. Bob looked up the second time that Frank called his name. Be lifted his brow with a look of recognition and a wide grin crossed his face instantly, then walked pass the people that were crowding the living and said “Frank Iero,” with an expression that was a mix of surprise and disbelief.

“Man,” he extended one hand to shake Frank's and the other to pat his back. “What are you doing here?” He asked when he stepped back. “We, um... Me and my friends,” Frank explained, “Heard about this show where a bunch of hard-core bands were playing so we came to see them,” Frank spoke fast and couldn't stop smiling, the excitement of running into an old friend after all those years was evident in the tone of his voice.

“The Black Band's Parade?” Bob asked. “Yeah, that one,” Frank nodded, “You were there too?” “No, but some friends were,” “Well, the bands were awesome and then somebody said something about a party and here we are now,” he added, still smiling. “Well, it's great to see you again, man,” Bob reached out to pat Frank's shoulder. Then he looked down and noticed that Frank's hands were empty which was not at all acceptable, being at a party like that one.

“Do you want a beer or something?” He offered. “Sure,” Frank agreed enthusiastically and the two of them made their way into the kitchen through a crowded hall. “So, do you still live in Boston?” Bob asked while handing an open bottle to Frank. “Yeah, I go to the university there”. Bob took a sip of his beer and asked, “Really? What are you majoring in?”. “Psychology,” Frank answered simply.

“Psychology?” Bob frowned, “That's... Unexpected,” he said, faltering a little. Frank chuckled at that comment, he was used to that kind of reactions when people found out about his career choice; they didn't seem to believe that a tattooed, punk type guy such as himself could have any interest or future in an area like psychology.

“What happened to your big rock star dreams?” Bob asked. “They faded away a while ago,” Frank's tone got a little gloomy, but he immediately put back a smile on his face. “I still play every now and then, but I haven't been in a band since...” He paused and dropped his gaze, his expression shifted for just a second before he looked up at Bob again and answered, “Since my freshman year actually”. Frank took his free hand to the back of his head and scratched it awkwardly. He hated to talk about his failed attempts of starting a band and making it in the music business and how he had given up on them.

“Oh,” Bob breathed out, he found what Frank told him incredibly sad because he knew that when Frank was a teenager all he wanted was being in a band a being able to play guitar professionally. Frank noticed the change in Bob's expression and decided to change the subject immediately.

“How about you?” He grinned again and it helped to hide the uneasiness provoked by the memory of his failed dreams. “Are you still known as a master of the drums?” Frank asked, teasing a little. “Always,” Bob answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Well...” He look down at the bottle of beer he was holding in his hand, “Actually, I play occasionally because now I work as a sound engineer, so I'm still with a band but I'm side stage most of the times”. “A sound engineer?” Frank raised an eyebrow. “That's great,” he said, evidently impressed. “Yeah, it's a pretty cool job” Bob replied, a little shyly this time.

“So...” Frank continued talking, “Do you live here now? In the city?” “Yeah,” Bob nodded, “After we graduated, Gerard and I rented an apartment. It's pretty much a hole in the wall, but it's okay for now, you know?”. “Gerard?” Frank's stomach sank when he heard that name. “Is Gerard here?” Frank could feel his heart rate increase immediately as a sudden sensation of anxiety took over him which, he thought, was ridiculous. How was that after all those years his body reacted like that at the single mention of a name? But it wasn't just a name, it was Gerard's.

Bob furrowed his brow a little, which Frank could tell, was a sign that he noticed his reaction, then Bob snorted, “I had to drag him out of his room, but he came with me,” he nodded. “Where is he,” Frank asked impatiently. “I last saw him in the back yard,” Bob lifted his bottle of beer and signaled the direction of a sliding glass door with it. “Bob, I...” Frank bounced a little on his feet like an anxious, little boy when he's waiting for his mom to let him run to the playground the moment they got into the park.

“What are you still doing here?” Bob asked with an arched eyebrow and a smirk and Frank was thankful that he got it so easily. “Go find him,” Bob beckoned and Frank walked immediately out of the kitchen. Frank was really excited, he was going to see Gerard again, well, if he could find him. There were so many people in the house and Frank had no idea of whose party this was, but whoever they were, they had to be really popular or some shit.

After squeezing his body between dancing couples and groups of people, he finally was out in the back yard. He stood on the steps and craned his neck trying to see if Gerard was there, but he was too short to see over the people's heads so he couldn't see beyond the guys that were standing right in front of him, besides, the place was dim, barely lit by a couple of wall lamps embedded in each of the side walls, so he couldn't' see clearly their faces. Luckily he could hear a voice that he seemed to recognize.

“You are so wrong Brian, I never said that,” Frank walked into the yard following the voice. “I believe you did, so don't you take it back now,” a deeper voice replied. “No, what I said was that I tried my mom's lipstick when I was fifteen, but I don't remember mentioning anything about a lipstick kink or some shit...” The guy that was speaking snickered and Frank's pulse sped up again when he finally saw who he was.

“So don't you try to throw your weird kinks on me,” Gerard said. The other guy replied something that made Gerard laugh, but Frank couldn't hear it quite clearly because then Gerard turned around to toss and empty bottle of beer in a bin and take another one from a cooler that was on a table behind him. That was the moment when their eyes met.

Gerard's smile vanished instantly, he gaped and his expression was the one of a person seeing a ghost or something like that. “Frank?” he spoke quietly, his tone reflected disbelief. “Yeah,” Frank said in a exhale. “Hi, Gee,” he grinned. Gerard's lips formed and O and his eyes widened. “Frank!” He yelled the name this time and stepped forward to meet him. Frank was expecting to receive a greeting hug, but instead Gerard stopped short in front of him and held his beer with both of his hands. “What are you doing here?” He asked, sounding still incredulous.

“I...” Frank stared at Gerard, he looked pretty much the same except for his longer, darker hair that curled up just a above his shoulders —he had dyed it, Frank was sure—, and for the fine stubble that darkened his jaw slightly. As Frank got caught up staring at Gerard's face, he momentarily forgot the reason why he was at that party, then he shook his head. “Me and some friends came to a show and then some guys invited us to this party,” he managed to say after a moment. “I heard it's somebody's birthday,” he added, turning to look around the place.

“Yeah,” Gerard nodded, “It's Brian's” he turned back and pointed at the guy he was talking to before. “He manages a couple of local bands and has the weirdest kinks you can imagine,” he added. “And you love me because of that Way, don't you deny it,” Brian replied petulantly from behind them and Gerard grinned. He turned to meet Frank's eyes again and they stared at each other for a few seconds in silence. Gerard's eyes were familiar to Frank, they had the same bright hazel he knew from when they both were teenagers, but there was something different in them, something that Frank couldn't pinpoint exactly.

“So,” Gerard averted his gaze first, “Where are your friends?” He asked. Frank turned back for just a second, “They're somewhere inside the house, um...” He paused when he remembered talking to Bob before. “I just ran into Bob, he told me that you were here”. “Yeah, well...” Gerard snorted, “Actually, he's the reason I am here, he basically dragged me out of the apartment”.

“I don't believe that Gerard,” Frank shook his head and narrowed his eyes. “You've always been such a party animal”, he added with a mischievous smirk and a mocking tone. “Yeah, right”, Gerard smiled kind of shyly. “I'm happy I came, though, because I got to see you again”, he looked directly at Frank's eyes again and this time the younger man ignored the strange glint he saw in Gerard's eyes before and let himself sink into his gaze.

“Yeah, me too”, Frank said quietly, kind of breathlessly and stepped closer. Frank couldn't help feeling drawn to Gerard, he couldn't explain why the attraction he felt towards him was so strong after all those years, especially given that at the time he was with...

“Frank!” A known male voice calling him from behind took him out of his thoughts. Frank turned around, “I'm coming,” he said to a tall guy that was standing in the doorway. “Who's that?” Gerard asked, curiously. “Um,” Frank bit his lip. “He's my boyfriend, Matt.” “Your boyfriend?” Gerard's expression shifted immediately. “Yeah,” Frank nodded, “Just let me go see what he wants and I'll be right back, okay? We have so much to catch up, so don't go away”. Frank said earnestly, cleching Gerard's forearm tightly. “Okay,” Gerard breathed out. He took a sip of his beer and saw Frank walking away.

“Who's that guy you were talking with?” Matt asked Frank as they were walking into the house. “That's Gerard, he's an old friend of mine from Jersey”. Frank didn't mention that Gerard was his ex, his first love actually, because he knew that Matt could be a jealous asshole sometimes and he didn't have time for that, he had to go back to the yard as soon as possible. “Um,” Matt hummed mindlessly and didn't ask further questions about Gerard. Once they were in the living, Matt put his hand on the small of Frank's back and lead him close to a small group of people that were standing there, “I want to introduce you to my friends,” he said next to Frank's ear as they stepped closer.

When Frank went back out, about fifteen minutes later, he saw that Gerard was sitting alone on one of the outdoor chairs that were scattered along the yard. He had a bottle of beer in his hand, a new one Frank thought, and was staring down at the floor with a wistful look, but he decided to ignore that.

“Hey, I'm back,” Frank said grinning. “Hey,” Gerard looked up and replied with a small smile. “So, what did he want?” Gerard asked, “Matt wanted me to meet some of his friends,” Frank answered, “They're members of one of the bands that Brian manages.” “Oh,” Gerard nodded and sipped his beer. “One of them offered us to stay in his house, so we're crashing there after the party,” Frank explained while he was pulling a chair next to Gerard. “We are, officially, spending the night in the city so we have plenty of time to catch up,” he said and sat down.

“Well... Where do you want to start”. “Um...” Frank thought about it for a second, “Bob told me that you graduated”. “Yeah, last year,” Gerard nodded, “Now I'm working in Cartoon Network". "Really?" Frank lifted his brow. "It' sounds cool," Gerard started, "But the job isn't what I was expecting so now I'm considering doing a master's in illustration,” he explained. “Illustration? Isn't that like a... A master's in comics?” Gerard snickered, “Yeah, pretty much”. “That's awesome man,” Frank said, honestly impressed.

“How about you?” Gerard asked him, “Did you get into college?” Gerard frowned a lot and looked puzzled as Frank tried to explain him how he got into psychology. “So, no more bands?” He asked, bewildered. “Nope,” Frank shook his head decisively. “But...” Gerard seemed to refuse to understand the new direction of Frank's career .

“Look,” Frank felt the need to justify himself, “I knew that I would never make it as a performer...” he looked down. “And that any band that I would be in would ever be as meaningful for me as My Chemical Romance was,” he wanted to add that, but he didn't. “ So, I just gave up, ” he said after a moment and shrugged with one shoulder.

Gerard pursed his lips and sighed. “Frank,” he shifted in his chair to face the other man completely. “I think that it's pretty cool that you have new interests, but...” He huffed. “I don't know why sometimes you insist on putting yourself down; I know that you're incredibly talented, I've seen you play with such passion, you...” Gerard dropped his gaze and frowned. “Just don't walk away from the things that you love,” he added.

Frank felt his heart sinking. Gerard had always been so supportive, when they were together, he believed in Frank like no one else did and at that moment, he felt compelled to let Gerard know that somehow. “I won't,” he replied quietly but firmly and grabbed Gerard's left hand. Gerard looked up at him and he couldn't help his gaze drop from Frank's eyes to his lips. He wanted to kiss him so badly, he wanted to kiss Frank since they were about one feet of distance from each other, but he restrained himself knowing that his boyfriend was right there, inside the house.

Gerard bit his lip and looked down to their twined hands. “I see some ink,” he commented, pointing with his free hand at the tattoos that he could see sticking out beneath the fabric of Frank's jacket sleeves. Frank giggled and rolled up his sleeves to show him. Gerard opened wide eyes and puffed up when he saw more tattoos that he could count at a glance, decorating both of his arms.

“Well, that's a lot of ink,” he snickered, then he reached out to grab one of his arms and flip it over to see the figure of a virgin crying blood. “How did  all this start?” Gerard asked curiously. “Um... Actually...” Frank giggled again and started telling Gerard animatedly the whole story of his numerous tattoos. That was until the thread of the conversation shifted to Gerard's fear of needles and Frank's aracnophobia.

“It wasn't like that,” Frank said defensively, he always tried to maintain some pride when somebody mentioned his embarrassing reactions towards small, yet scary spiders. “Well, I remember very clearly that you refused to get back in the garage and you almost jumped into Bob's arms when Ray finally found the spider and took it out to toss it somewhere in the street”. “Well, you don't know if it was venomous or something, it could have bitten one of us, so stop judging me!” Frank said, indignant and a little whiny and that made Gerard laugh. Despite his previous indignation, seeing Gerard laughing, Frank could help but to smile as well.

“How's Ray by the way? Are you two still in touch?” He asked. “Yeah, I saw him last month actually, when I went to Belleville to visit my parents”. Gerard answered. After that the conversation made a U-turn into the past and they started to talk about Ray and Mikey and what happened to the other kids they knew from their time in high school. Frank talked about what happened after he left Belleville, about the school he attended to in Boston and the friends he made there; about how that city that seemed foreing for him at first, after a while, actually started to grow on him.

Their tone wasn't sad or melancholic, strangely they talked about the past in an animated kind of way, because even when at first it was awful being away from each other and they both felt terrible because of that for a long time, they finally got to be together again and that was all that mattered at the time. As the conversation went on, they lost track of the time and didn't even notice when the people around them started to leave, not until they were alone in the yard and a cold wind started to blow.

“Should we go inside?” Gerard asked when he saw Frank shivering a little in his chair. “Sure,” when Frank stood up, he saw that Bob was standing in the doorway. “Gee, I'm going home,” Bob said, he looked tired and that made Frank realize how late it actually was. “Okay,” Gerard nodded and then turned to look at Frank with an earnest expression. “We have to go Frank, I...”

“Gerard,” Frank interrupted whatever that the other man was going to say. “Would you go visit me sometime?” Gerard's lips parted, he didn't expect an invite at all. “Um...” He hesitated a little, but he had to accept it, “Sure”. Frank grinned and then fumbled in his pockets. “Do you have a pen?” he asked as he was taking out a wrinkled piece of the ticket from the show he had been to earlier. “I don't think so, but I have this,” Gerard took out of his back pocket a little drawing pencil that wasn't more than two inches long and was bitten at the part where the eraser was supposed to be.

Frank took it and scribbled down his address and phone number on the back side of the ticket. “Here,” Frank handed him the little piece of paper, “Come visit me whenever you have time, okay?” “Okay,” Gerard nodded and grinned at him. “Bye Frank,” he stepped closer and hugged him briefly. “Bye,” Frank exhaled and tried to smile back. “Bye Bob,” Frank stepped closer to the bearded man. “Take care Frank,” Bob reached out and patted his back gently, after that he and Gerard disappeared into the house.

The ride back home was pretty quiet. Gerard was sprawled on the back seat of Bob's car and haven't said a word since they left Brian's house. Bob thought that Gerard had fallen asleep, so he didn't try to initiate a conversation, but the truth was that Gerard wasn't sleeping, he had his eyes open and was staring at the ticket that Frank had handed him.

“That's a bad idea,” Gerard said to himself as he considered going to Boston the next long weekend of the month and seeing Frank again. “That's a really bad idea,” he repeated in his head when he considered the possibility of having a long distance relationship with him or something. “He has a boyfriend,” a voice inside his head reminded him.

What he was doing thinking about getting back with Frank? Frank still lived away from him and he had a boyfriend, he had moved on and the fact that Gerard felt sometimes that he couldn't, was just pathetic. Besides, Frank wouldn't want him the way he was then.

He was depressed and drunk most of the time. He depended on a big amount of alcohol and pills to feel something resembling to happy or at least less miserable. Gerard had been able to control himself fairly well at the party, but he knew that most times it wasn't the case and he didn't want Frank to see him like that; he didn't want to receive from Frank the same looks that his parents, Mikey, Bob, Ray and his other friends gave him when he was throwing up drunk.

“Are you okay back there?”, Bob turned back when he stopped at a red light. “Yeah,” Gerard breathed out. He knew that Bob worried about him, that was reason why he dragged him to the party that night. He preferred seeing Gerard passing out at a party surrounded by people, that found him passed out alone in his room and Gerard definitely didn't want to see Frank worrying like that because of him.

Gerard clenched the hand that was holding the ticket and sighed harshly, then he rolled down the window and threw the piece of paper away without Bob noticing it. He wasn't seeing Frank again and maybe that was for the best.


	11. Mocka and cherries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They run into each other in a cake shop. Gerard is 32, Frank is 30. Gerard is married and has a baby. Frank is in a rocky relationship and just had a big fight with his boyfriend. It's Valentine's day and Frank wants to buy a cake as an attempt to make it up to him, but Gerard steals his cake.

Frank didn't remember seeing the cake shop that busy before. The place was packed with people walking in and out buying all kinds of pastries, most of the covered with pink frosting and little, red sugar hearts. He was anticipating a long wait before he could make his order, but he really wanted to buy the mocka and cherry cake that was only found in that shop so, even when it was late and he was supposed to be already on his way to his apartment, he made himself wait patiently.

“Hi,” Frank said to the woman that was sliding the fridge door open when it was finally his turn to order. “I want that mocka cake, please,” he pointed at a little heart shaped cake with cherries on the top that was placed at the center of the fridge shelf. He knew that it was his boyfriend's favorite and, certainly, it was his favorite too. The combination of mocka and cherry jam was simply delicious.

“Oh, sorry,” the woman replied, she had already taken out the cake and was holding it in her hands, “This is the last one and that sir over there has already bought it”. Frank glanced at the man that have bought the cake and then turned his gaze back to the fridge. “The last one,” Frank exhaled disappointed.

“Would you like another cake?” Another woman, a younger one, asked him. Frank looked down. There were a variety of different cakes in the fridge and they all looked good, Frank couldn't deny it, but he didn't want any of them, he wanted the mocka cake with cherries on the top. “Um...” Frank hesitated, “I can't decide now, give a second”. “Okay,” the woman said mildly and turned to the man that was standing behind Frank.

He moved out of the line and considered his options. “You should have pre ordered it,” a guy that was standing back in the line told him. Frank nodded because yes, he could have anticipated a situation like this happening on a hectic day like Valentine's, but he never thought of that because he was busy thinking about other more important things, like an imminent break up and the future of his band, so no, he didn't have the time to be thinking about pre ordering god damned cakes.

Plus, how could he have known that the stupid label executives would have made him and his bandmates wait for all the members of the other bands that were touring with them to be in the room before they could start telling them the same corporative charades that they repeated every time a tour was over?

How he was supposed to know that by the time the meeting was over, he was going to walk out to find a shop full of people and that he would have to wait for almost fifteen minutes before he could make his order, only to found out that the cake that he wanted was the last fucking mocka cake in the shop and that just before it was his turn, somebody else was buying it already. Frank wasn't feeling disappointed anymore, now he was pissed.

He turned to his right and glared at the man that had _stolen_ his cake. The man, a little taller than him, had dishevelled, dark hair and was wearing a black coat. Right then he was taking a box that the woman behind the counter was handing him. Frank cursed him internaly, but then the man turned around to leave. Frank's narrowed eyes, widened instantly and his pissed off expression shifted into one of utter surprise when he realized that the man that had stolen his cake was no other than Gerard -fucking- Way.

“Gerard?” Frank said, but Gerard didn't hear him with all the noise in the shop and kept walking towards the door. “Gerard!” Frank repeated, louder this time and that made Gerard look back and spot Frank. Gerard lifted his brow and looked at him with disbelief. “Frank?” he stepped closer. “Yeah, it's me,” Frak grinned.

“Oh my god! Frankie,” Gerard said enthusiastically, put the cake box on a counter behind Frank and then leaned in to hug him. “It's been so long,” Gerard said quietly next to his ear. “I know,” Frank breathed out. He wasn't expecting being hugged by Gerard, but what dazed him was how familiar it felt. After all those years, the warmth of Gerard's embrace made Frank feel the same known contentedness.

Gerard pulled back after a moment and grinned. “So, what are you doing here? I heard that your band was on tour”. “We were but the tour finished last week, so I'm back in New York”. Frank said. “So, you live here now?” Gerard asked curiously. “Yeah, I rented an apartment a couple of years ago. It's more convenient living here that in Boston, you know, logistically,” he explained. “Yeah,” Gerard nodded. “How about you?” Frank asked him, “Last time I saw you, you were living here, right?” “Yeah, but I moved back to Jersey a few years ago, I only come here to work”.

Frank smiled and didn't say anything for a moment because he was busy staring at Gerard. His face had changed from the last time Frank saw him. He had the same bright eyes, but his features were different. Even when he managed to look younger than he was, his face had shifted from the child face he used to have in his teenage years and that remained throughout his early twenties. He was still a very handsome man, but in a more mature kind of way and that made Frank keep looking. “Sorry,” a woman carrying a big box filled with cupcakes, bumped against his shoulder and that made him avert his gaze and change the subject.

“You know that you stole my cake?” Frank said with a crooked smile. “What?” Gerard asked a little confused. “Yeah, that's the last mocka cake in the shop and I was about to buy it, but you asked for it first,” he said pointing at the little, pink box. “Oh...” Gerard's expression shifted, “I'm sorry, I didn't...” He stopped apologizing when he realized how ridiculous Frank's accusation was. “Since when you care so much about a cake?” He asked, smirking.

“Sorry, it's just that...” Frank took his hand to the back of his neck and scratched awkwardly, “That's my boyfriend's favorite and well...” He let out a sigh. “Our relationship it's been a little difficult lately. I thought bringing the cake as a sign of peace so we could have a truce at least for tonight, you know? It's Valentine's day after all,” he shrugged.

Gerard bit his lip and then nodded, “Take it,” he said. “What?” Frank lifted his brow. “Take the cake”. Frank hesitated a moment, then frowned, “Are you sure?” “Yeah, take it,” Gerard took the box from the counter and handed it to Frank. “I'll buy another one,” He moved to the front of the line to the spot where Frank was standing before and called the woman behind the counter. He picked another little heart shaped cake, but this one was covered with almond cream and strawberries. Frank paid for it and they walked out of the shop.

“So, tell me, how's that a rock star such as yourself is in a shop buying a cake? Don't you have an assistant or something that can do that for you?” Gerard said when they were standing on the sidewalk. “Nah,” Frank snorted. “Brent, the vocalist, has an assistant, she follows him everywhere like a puppy and does everything for him,” he wrinkled his nose, “I just find that ridiculous,” he added, Gerard was grinning at him. “And I'm not a rock star,” Frank stated matter-of-factly, “I just happen to be the rhythm guitarist of a semi known band,” he added dismissively.

“Well, you are famous enough,” Gerard pointed out. “The first time I saw one of your videos I was in a mall and some girls were repeating your name and drooling over you in front of a screen. Apparently you are a sex symbol now”. Frank giggled and a pink blush covered his cheeks. “I'm not,” he replied shyly and then looked down. “Um..." Frank bit his lip, "Thanks again for giving me the cake,” he said, changing the subject not very subtly.

“I told you, it's not a big deal,” Gerard shook his head, “It's just that Lindsey...” He stopped talking abruptly and gave Frank a look that he couldn't decipher exactly. “My wife...” Gerard continued and something inside Frank's chest crushed right there. “She's making a special dinner for Valentine's day and I told her that I would bring the dessert”. 

“You got married?” Frank asked quietly, his expression had changed from slightly embarrassed to stunned. “Yeah, two years ago,” Gerard replied, “I have a baby now”. “Really?” Frank tried to appear interested as Gerard talked about his daughter but it was really difficult. He was aware of that what he was feeling at the time was stupid because, what he was expecting? After all those years of not seeing each other Gerard had moved on with his life and now he had a family, that was just how things tend to happen, so Frank tried to get out of his head and focus on what Gerard was saying.

“Well, I'd love to meet her sometime,” Frank said when Gerard stopped talking. “Sure, you can come to my house any day,” Gerard offered, “But first we could meet up and have a coffee or something, you know, to catch up”. “Sure,” Frank replied. “Are you free tomorrow?” Gerard asked him, he was taking his phone out of his pocket. “Yeah, actually...” Frank snorted, “I'm free the next three months”. “Well, that's great,” Gerard smiled, “Give me your number and I'll call you, okay?” “Okay”. They exchanged numbers, said goodbye and then they walked in opposite directions.

When Frank walked into his apartment, he noticed that some dvds, cds and books were not in their respective racks, but inside a box that was on a couch. He frowned, but decided to walk to the kitchen and put the cake in the fridge before he called his boyfriend's name.

“Adam?” He said as he walked to the bedroom, but he didn't get an answer. “Adam?” He repeated a little louder this time and then he froze in the doorway. Adam had taken all of his clothes out of the closet and was putting them in his bags.

“Are you going somewhere?” Frank asked worriedly. “Frank, this isn't working,” Adam said sternly but he didn't turned to look at Frank, he kept folding his clothes and piling them inside the bags. “What do you mean?” Frank walked closer and reached out to grab Adam's forearm. He jerked away before Frank could touch him and turned to face him.

“Us Frank, you and I, we are not working,” he said severely. “But...” Something in Frank's throat tightened. “Adam please,” he stepped closer and tried to grab his hand, but Adam crossed his arms immediately. “I'm leaving,” he stated and Frank gasped. “Adam, no, please,” he begged, feeling like he was about to cry. “I'm leaving you Frank and I think that this is for the best,” Adam turned to the bed and zipped up his bags then lift them up and put them on the floor.

“Adam, please”. Frank reached out and held Adam by the waist. “Don't leave me, please...” he said pleadingly, his voice was cracked and a few tears started to drop down his cheeks. “I'll be here everyday for the next three months,” he sniffed, “We can figure something out to make things work. I'm sure everything will be okay”.

“Frank,” Adam grabbed his wrists and pulled back. “You'll be here the next three months, but you weren't the past eight months and I'm tired of this, I'm tired of watching you going away, I'm tired of being by myself waiting for you, I'm tired of having you back, not knowing for how long because you have to go back on the road,” Adam's tone had been growing harsher. “I'm tired of this and now I'm going”.

“No, Adam, please,” Frank stepped closer to hug him again, but in his desperation he leaned forward, pushing with all his weight, that made Adam trip and they both fell on the bed. Once Adam was lying on his back, Frank straddled him. “Please, don't go,” Frank ducked his face in Adam's neck and begged quietly. Adam tried to push him back, but Frank clenched his legs tighter around Adam's hips and grabbed his wrists, holding them back against the mattress.

“Stay, please” Frank shifted his body a little to submit Adam completely and started kissing his neck and jaw. “Stay with me, stay with me,” he repeated insistently between kisses. After a moment, Adam stopped struggling and Frank finally released his wrists, that was the moment when he felt it, Adam was hard beneath him.

Frank gasped and started shifting and rutting against the other man's body. Adam rolled his hips up and put his hands around Frank's waist. At that moment, Frank took the opportunity to lean up and kissed Adam deep and desperate on the mouth while holding his face with both of his hands.

“Stay, please” Frank said breathlessly once he pulled back. He started thrusting faster and harder and that made Adam let out a loud moan and arch his neck back. “Please,” Frank repeated before going down to kiss and bite Adam's clavicle and unbutton his shirt.

The move Adam made next took Frank by surprise. He pulled him up and then pushed him to the side. Now Adam was on top and Frank was gasping beneath him as Adam was taking off his clothes. 

Frank didn't know what was going on, he didn't know what made him act like that, begging desperately for Adam to stay when he knew that their relationship wasn't working anymore and that it wasn't going to get any better. He saw all the signs of the oncoming brake up weeks ago, but he decided to ignore them and the reason he did so was the same reason why he never broke up with anyone before until the other person had had enough and decided to leave.

He hated being alone and hated reliving the same pain and emptiness and desperation he felt when he and Gerard broke away. That happened fourteen years ago, but he felt the same every time and now he couldn't stop thinking about Gerard.

Adam was the one fucking him, but in his mind it was Gerard, Gerard touching him, Gerard biting his neck, Gerard inside him thrusting deep and hard and making him come.


	12. I would have been there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go for coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The details of what happened during the years they were apart are explained in this chapter.

When Frank woke up, Adam was not lying next to him on the bed, he wasn't in the room either, he was at the entrance of the apartment taking his bags out. Frank put on some pants quickly and walked out of the room when he heard a noise coming from outside. “Adam!” he yelled when he saw the other man leaving, then ran to meet him in the doorway.

“What are you doing?” He asked desperately and grabbed Adam's forearm tightly to impede him from pulling up one of the bags that were still on the floor. “I told you Frank, I'm leaving,” he said impassively. Frank clenched his hand tighter around his arm for just a second and then released it.

“But we...” he said quietly, choking a little, “We talked last night, I thought that everything was okay...” “We didn't really talk,” Adam interrupted, “We fucked,” he said sternly and that made something rise up Frank's chest. “So what? You fuck and run now?” Frank asked harshly, his desperation suddenly turned into anger. “No Frank, I told you, this isn't working anymore, I have to go now,” Adam was looking at him with earnest eyes. “Adam, I know that I've been a shitty boyfriend lately, but,” Frank tried to reason with him, “I'll be here the next three months, we can...” He faltered a little, “Just let me make it up to you, okay?” He offered but Adam didn't relent.

“No,” Adam shook his head decisively, “I can't stay any longer, I have to go,” Adam insisted and Frank saw his expression shifting suspiciously. Frank stared at him and frowned when Adam's gaze fell to his shoes. That's when Frank realized something, he hadn't considered any concealed motives behind Adam's decision, but now, he was.

“Why Adam?” Frank asked between gritted teeth, “Why you can't stay with me?” Adam looked up with big worried eyes, “Frank I...” he hesitated. Adam was hiding something, Frank was sure. “I found someone else,” Adam finally admitted and Frank felt like he had received a punch in the gut, but managed to help himself from yelling or crying or letting any of his emotions burst like the night before. Instead, he took a step forward and pulled the door open.

“You can go now,” he said with an even tone, keeping his eyes down. “Frank, I'm sorry, I...” Adam tried to justify himself, but Frank didn't let him. “There's no need to apologize,” he interrupted, “Just go”. Adam nodded weakly, grabbed his bags and walked away.

Frank was sitting on the floor with his back leaning against the door and his knees bent up against his chest. He hadn't moved from that spot since he slammed the door shut after Adam left the apartment, but then, he heard his phone ringing in his room. He tilted his head up and considered standing up and go answer it, but he didn't have the energy for that, so he shoved his face back between his knees and closed his eyes.

“Gerard,” he said quietly a few minutes later when he remembered that Gerard was supposed to call him to give him the details of their meeting. Frank finally stood up from the floor, walked to his room and grabbed his phone. He had a voicemail message from Gerard.

“Um... Hey Frank,” he heard Gerard's voice saying, “Sorry I didn't call earlier, but I've been really busy all day,” he explained. “I'll be out of here in an hour, though, so maybe we can meet outside the building where I work and then walk to a coffee shop near by,” Gerard gave him the address and then hung up.

Frank checked the time after that, it was late afternoon already and he couldn't believe that he had spent so many hours sitting by the door, moping. He considered calling Gerard and telling him that he wouldn't make it, but Frank definitely didn't want to spend the rest of the day there, in an empty apartment, feeling miserable. So he decided to call Gerard back, only that his throat felt wierd and he was sure that if he started talking, his voice would sound shaky and awful, so he sent him a text message instead.

After that, Frank tossed his phone onto his bed and went to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror for a long while. His eyes and nose were puffy and red from the intermittent crying he had been doing for the past few hours; his hair was a mess and he, in general, looked like shit.

Frank considered taking a shower, but there was no time for that, so he just washed his face and teeth, took some bottles out of the cabinet and let the hair products work his magic along with his brush. The result wasn't so great, not as they promise in the commercials, but at least his hair didn't look that bad anymore. Once he was dressed, he put his phone, keys, and wallet in his jacket pockets and walked out of the apartment.

By the time he arrived at the building, Gerard was already out there in the sidewalk, waiting for him. “Hey!” Gerard said cheerfully when he saw Frank walking around the corner and meeting his eyes. “Hi, Gee,” Frank replied mildly and made his best effort to smile. Frank's eyes must have been still red and swollen because Gerard's expression shifted immediately when the younger man got a little closer.

“Frank, are you okay?” He asked him, worried. That question took Frank by surprise. “Yeah, I'm okay,” he lied, “I'm just...” he averted his gaze and huffed. “I'm okay,” he repeated and tried to fake a smile again, but Gerard was frowning at him, so obviously he wasn't buying it. Frank started walking, but Gerard didn't move from the spot he was standing.

Frank turned back, “Let's have that cup of coffee, okay?” “Frank,” Gerard stepped closer, “Whatever it is that is bothering you, you know that you can tell me,” he said in a calmed, assuring way. Frank didn't know if it was that Gerard, after all those years, still could read him so easily, or if it was just that Frank was that transparent.

He sighed heavily and looked up at Gerard, “Adam left me,” he finally admitted. Gerard lifted his brow, “What?” He asked, disconcerted. “Last night, when I came home with the fucking cake,” Frank started, his voice suddenly sounded cracked, “He was packing his bags and I...” he gasped, feeling something tightening in his chest. “I begged him to stay and we had sex...” Now his breathing was uneven, “But this morning I found all his stuff in the doorway, Adam was about to leave when I confronted him and he admitted that he cheated on me,” he added, at the time his voice was painfully broken.

“Frankie,” Gerard exhaled and get a little closer. “But you know what?” Frank ignored Gerard's worried call and said, smirking, “The worst part is knowing that it was my fault”. Gerard frowned. “It was my fault for not being around, I... I didn't even make it for the holidays; I just came back home a week ago and I was so tired and still so busy, we didn't spend that much time together,” Frank was talking fast, it was as if he needed desperately to justify himself.

“Although...” He stopped abruptly and looked down to the floor with a thoughtful expression. “Adam used his alone time very well,” he snorted sarcastically. “He managed to find another guy and dump me”. “Frank,” Gerard cupped his chin and pulled it up to make Frank meet his eyes. “I want you to acknowledge something,” Gerard said, his tone was earnest and maybe a little harsh. “This is not your fault,” he stated, stressing every word. “It is not your fault that Adam is a douche bag and that he cheated on you, okay?” Frank bit his lip and nodded. “I know, is just that...” he gasped painfully and dropped his gaze again.

“Frankie,” Gerard grabbed his forearm and started rubbing it up and down, gently. Frank looked up at him, Gerard seemed anguished, he had his brow furrowed and was staring at him with concerned eyes. Frank knew that Gerard had this over empathetic way to deal with other people's emotions and he hated making him feel like that, but he couldn't help it.

He let out another gasp, a deeper, more audible one this time, and then started shaking. He was crying right there in the middle of the sidewalk. “Frankie,” Gerard said quietly and tugged Frank's arm, they walked a few yards and into an ally. “Come here,” Gerard said softly and pulled him closer.

At first, Frank let his hands rest lightly on Gerard's waist beneath his jacket, but then he grabbed the loose fabric of the other man's T shirt and clenched his fists. He was finally allowing himself to let out all the emotions that he was feeling. He cried for a few minutes against Gerard's shoulder, the other man was quiet the whole time, rubbing his back soothingly and Frank hadn't ever felt both, so protected and so vulnerable at the same time.

After a moment, Frank sobbed and sniffed for the last time, then pulled back and stared at Gerard. “You didn't visit me,” he blurted out, he didn't even know where that was coming from, apparently he was, indeed, letting all out. “What?” Gerard breathed out, “You said that you would visit me, but you didn't, you didn't even call me,” Frank's voice was still cracked, it was obvious that the lump in his throat hadn't faded away just yet. Gerard bit his lip, “I'll visit you Frankie, I promise,” he said quietly, then put his arms around Frank's shoulders and hugged him again.

They stayed like that for a while until Frank's breathing went back to normal. Frank let out a little sigh of relief when Gerard finally released his hold and stepped back. “So...” Gerard huffed, “I don't know about you, but I really need some caffeine right now,” he said and grinned. Frank chuckled despite himself. “Okay,” he nodded, “Let's go”. They walked to the coffee shop mostly in silence, but Gerard kept glancing at him out of the corner of his eye, every now and then. It was like if we wanted to make sure that Frank was really okay.

“I'll be right back,” Gerard said when they were standing in the doorway of the coffee shop and headed to the counter. Frank nodded and went to sit at one of the little tables that were placed by the front window. After a few minutes, Gerard came back holding a cup in each hand. They talked and drank coffee for hours. At first, Gerard was the one talking, mostly. That was because Frank felt a little worn out at the time, emotionally at least, but he was glad to hear what Gerard had to say.

He told Frank all about the work he had been doing after he quit his job at Cartoon Network; about his years in grad school and the people he met there; about how he met Lindsey at one of her band's concerts and how they got married and had a baby a little after that. Frank didn't feel very comfortable talking about that specific subject, but he listened attentively anyway.

“It all was pretty fast, you know?” Gerard said thoughtfully and then sipped his coffee. “I met her and somehow I just knew,” Frank nodded and sighed, then he turned his gaze to the side and squinted at the street through the window. He didn't want Gerard to see how uneasy he felt listening at him talking about his marriage, even though, Gerard seemed to notice because he changed the subject immediately.

“Sorry,” he said with a lopsided smile, “I haven't let you talk, but I'm shutting my mouth now because I really need to know what made you trade your career in the humanities for the wild life of a rock star”. Frank snickered. “I told you, I'm not a rock star,” he said earnestly. He hated that title because he was against the whole sex, drugs and shit, rock star stereotype. “And...” he continued after a moment, “The answer to your question is you,” he said and bit his lip.

“Me,” Gerard frowned. “Yeah,” Frank exhaled. “When I went back to Boston after that party where we met, I couldn't stop thinking about what you said, you know? About not walking away from the things that you love”. “Yeah, I remember that,” Gerard nodded. “Well, I had already done that before,” Frank said, looking directly into Gerard's eyes. “So..." he continued, “I thought that I wouldn't forgive myself if I did it again, so I went to my mom's house, unearthed my old guitar and started practicing daily; I went to every show I could and messed around with all kinds of bands for a while until I met Brent and the guys and they offered me to join their band”.

“So you didn't graduate?” Gerard asked him. “No,” Frank shook his head, “It was only one semester left when we got the contract and we needed to go to L.A to start recording some demos for the first album, so I dropped out,” Frank explained, “But I was considering doing that last semester and finally get my grade, you know?” Gerard nodded, “That sounds great, maybe you can take some time off and do that,” he suggested. “Yeah, maybe,” Frank replied mildly and turned to look through the window.

They stayed quiet for a moment until Frank started speaking again. “So...” he breathed out. “Are you gonna tell me why?” His expression was serious at the time. “Why what?” Gerard asked him, arching an eyebrow, he had no idea of what Frank was talking about. “Why you didn't contact me?” Frank clarified, “I gave you my address and my phone number but you never even called”.

“I...” Gerard faltered, “I lost the ticket you gave me,” he lied, but he didn't feel comfortable telling Frank the whole truth. “I tried to contact you after a while, but then you were already with the band and it was impossible to reach you”. “I started with the band almost two years after that,” Frank said with a questioning look. “Yeah, well... Frank,” Gerard squirmed, “You wouldn't have wanted me around, trust me”.

“What?” Frank frowned and Gerard sighed harshly. “I was depressed,” he admitted finally, “I was depressed but I didn't know it at the time and I was using pills and alcohol to numb what I was feeling and then to make me feel something again, I just...” He looked down and ran his fingers through his hair, “I was a mess and I wanted to isolate myself because I felt that I was hurting everyone around me and I didn't' want to hurt you like that, I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I did, so that's why I didn't contact you back then”.

Frank let out the breath he held as Gerard talked and grabbed the other man's hand firmly. “If you have called me, I would have been there with you no matter what,” Frank said and Gerard could hear some resentment in his tone. Gerard nodded, though, because he knew that back then only that his depressed brain insisted on telling him the opposite.

“But you're okay now, right?” Frank asked him, sounding a little worried. “Yeah, I'm okay, really,” Gerard nodded repeatedly. “I quit drinking and self medicating, then went to therapy and now I have a job that a like and a family of my own, so I'm okay,” he insisted.

“Good,” Frank exhaled then he raised from his chair, “Well, this has been officially one of the most emotional days of my life and..." He huffed, "I'm a little tired now”.  Actually, he was exhausted, but he managed to say that with a grin and Gerard felt relieved because if Frank could take his unfortunate situation with humor, he surely was going to be fine.

“Let's get out of here,” Gerard replied with a crooked smile and they both walked out the coffee shop.


	13. A song about petunias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They start writing a song about petunias.

It was a little disconcerting for Frank realizing how easily things went on between him and Gerard after so many years of being apart and after such an emotional restart.

In a few weeks they settled into a routine of calling and seeing each other frequently. They talked on the phone about what they did during the day, about something they saw on tv or read on the internet, or whatever that came to mind and Frank really appreciated having a person he could talk like that again.

They also met at least twice a week to do whatever, from going to a show and see some new, really loud band that Mikey was promoting, to going to the corner store and buy some groceries. No matter what the venue or the activity was, they always had a good time together and Frank really liked to have Gerard back as a friend.

That particular evening, they both were sitting on the couch in Frank's living room having pizza. Gerard had called him the night before and had told him that he needed that Frank used his musical skills to help him write a song. Frank didn't know that Gerard was still writing songs, but Frank didn't ask for details on the phone and maybe that was the reason why he wasn't understanding what the other man was saying at the time.

“So...” Frank started cautiously because he didn't know if Gerard was joking or if he was serious about what he just have said. “You want to write a song about petunias, is that right?” He asked to confirm the previous information he had received. Gerard couldn't talk because he had a mouth full of pizza, so he just nodded. Frank frowned. “Yes,” Gerard finally answered once that he had swallowed and Frank was puzzled by his earnest expression.

When they were teenagers, Gerard used to write songs about ghosts, zombies, vampires and other sinister stuff, but never something related to floral themes, not at least that Frank remembered. “Petunias?” The younger man asked again, because he didn't understand the motivation behind the song that Gerard wanted to write. Gerard rolled his eyes as if Frank had asked something obvious, then sipped his coke before talking.

“Yes, petunias,” Gerard repeated, “Bandit likes them and I want to write her a song for her birthday”. “Oh!” Frank breathed out, “You should have said that from the beginning,” he grinned, “Of course I'm helping you to write her a song”. Gerard beamed and leaned forward to put his plate on the coffee table and reach out for his messenger bag. He took an old notebook out of it.

While Gerard was flipping the pages carelessly, Frank could see that they were alternately filled with drawings and words. There were random series of lines scribbled down the pages along with random sketches and doodles. Frank outstretched his hand and put it over one of the pages that were filled mostly with words. Because of the that way the lines were written, Frank thought that they were poems.

“Do you write poems?” He asked when Gerard stopped flipping the pages. “No,” Gerard shook his head and hesitated for a moment before answering, “They're more like, um... Lyrics”. “Lyrics, huh?” Frank glanced curiously at the notebook. “So you didn't stop writing songs?” “Well,” Gerard pulled back a strand of hair with his fingers the way that he always did when he wasn't very comfortable while talking about something.

“Not exactly,” he said, “I've had this notebook since always, apparently...” He lifted the notebook and grinned. Frank could see how the edges of the pages were frayed and the covers were loose and about to come off. It was, indeed, a very old notebook. “So,” Gerard continued, “Every now and then I write down some lines that come to me while I'm doing random things like while I'm driving or when I'm in a meeting at work; I don't think they'll become real songs, but I write them down anyway so I won't forget, you know?”

"Yeah," Frank nodded. “Well, let me see,” he leaned down to see what Gerard had written from a shorter distance. Gerard started flipping the pages again until he found what he was looking for. In the middle of the page there was the drawing of a pair of little feet. “What's this?” Frank asked. “Those are Bandit's feet,” Gerard's lips curled into a small smile, “I drew them when Bandit was two days old,” he explained. “She and Lindsey had come home from the hospital that morning and Lindsey was feeding her; she had her wrapped in her arms with a blanket, but her tiny feet were hanging down and out of the blanket, so I had to draw them”.

Frank smiled. “So, this are the lyrics?” He pointed at the next page. “Yeah,” Gerard replied and Frank took the notebook from the other man's lap and started to read. “So... I was considering turning this into a story, you know?" Frank nodded without taking his eyes off of the notebook. "The story of a little girl that one day was planting petunias in her garden," Gerard continued, "But then a spaceship lands right in front of her so she gets in it and has adventures in the outer space until she becomes the princess of the galaxy,” he was talking fast and gesturing wildly. Frank could tell that Gerard was pretty excited about that song, he, on the other hand, not so much.

“The princess of the galaxy,” Frank repeated in the most earnest tone he could manage and then pressed his lips together to impede a chuckle from escaping out of his mouth. “Yeah, wouldn't that be cool?” Gerard said with an enthusiastic grin. Frank snickered but he had to agree, “Totally,” he said. “Okay, so...” Gerard took a breath before starting speaking again, “We just need to translate this into notes and chords and... You know,” he made a vague gesture with his hand that Frank interpreted as making a great song.

“Yeah,” Frank nodded and glanced back at the lyrics, he was already picturing the melody in his head. Apparently, Gerard's enthusiasm was contagious. “I think that we can do that," he said and then stood up, "Just let me go get my guitar”. They stayed on the couch for a long while trying to figure the way of turning the lines that Gerard had written into a song for Bandit. That was until Gerard's _filled-with-coke_ blatter made him stand up. “I'll be right back,” he said and headed to the bathroom.

Frank was curious, he couldn't help it, he was curious about what Gerard had written in his notebook so he took the opportunity to put his guitar aside, grab the notebook from the coffee table and start reading. Most of the lines didn't make much sense to Frank, they were good, though, Gerard had always been good with rhymes, metaphors, allegories and stuff, so Frank could see them as potential songs. But there were other pieces which references Frank seemed to understand. They talked about Elena, Frank could tell, about Elena's death and about Gerard's period of depression.

Frank suddenly felt like if he was prying, that he was reading something private that he wasn't supposed to read, so he flipped the notebook to close it and put it back on the table, but then one of the most frayed pages stuck out and Frank saw something that caught his eye. At the bottom of the page there was a line repeated several times like a frantic chorus. It read: “This is not over, I'm telling you, my love isn't over”.

Frank jumped in his seat when he heard Gerard's footsteps getting close. He flipped the pages quickly until he found the drawing of Bandit's feet and put the notebook back on the table. “Hey,” Gerard said as he sat down again. “Hey,” Frank replied nervously, he felt flustered all of the sudden. “I...” he tried to say something about what he just had read, but something completely different came out of his mouth.

“I still have some old notebooks too, they're somewhere in my mom's basement,” “Really?” Gerard asked, he didn't seem to notice anything odd in Frank's attempt of conversation. “Yeah,” Frank breathed with relief when he realized that Gerard didn't see him reading his notebook. “I used to write lyrics on them when I was bored in school, which was most of the time, actually,” he grinned. “Well, it would be nice to see what you wrote back then,” Gerard commented. “Yeah..." Frank considered it for a moment "Maybe I can take some of them with me the next time I go visit her”. Gerard's expression shifted.

“How is she, by the way?” he said, trying to sound nonchalant, but his tone revealed something else. “My mom?” Frank asked a little disconcerted by that question. Gerard nodded. “She...” Frank hesitated for a moment before continuing, “She's fine. She still lives in Boston, still works in the same office and she...” Frank paused and frowned, “She has changed you know?” Gerad arched an eyebrow, “What you mean?” Frank looked down and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I spend many years mad at her,” he started, “I was angry for what... For what happened before we left Jersey and as the time passed by, we started to grow apart”. Frank bit his lip and sighed. “So, I was twenty one when I talked to her,” he continued. “She called me the day before Thanksgiving to tell me that the whole family was going to my aunt Lili's house. I told her that I would be there and that I was bringing Evan, he was the guy I dated before Matt”. Frank clarified and looked up at Gerard, “Do you remember Matt from that party?” “Yeah,” Gerard nodded.

“Well, Evan's family was in Tulsa and he didn't have money for plane tickets and I wasn't leaving him alone on Thanksgiving, so I told my mom that I was bringing him and she snapped, basically, so I hang up on her. I was so furious at the time, but then I realized that that was her way to deal with stuff, you know? And I was tired of that, all I wanted was doing things right and stop fighting already, so the next day I went to my aunt Lili's house with Evan and before my mom could say anything I grabbed her by the arm and took her to the first empty room I could find; we talked for hours until she seemed to get it”.

“To get what?” Gerard asked, his expression was serious and somehow sad. “That if she didn't take me the way I'm, she was going to lose me and that I didn't want to lose her,” Frank explained and then huffed. “So that was basically the most intense and emotional conversation we've ever had”. “But now she's okay with...” Gerard made a gesture with his hand as if he wanted Frank to complete his sentence. “With me being gay?” Frank asked, “Yeah, she is,” he nodded. “She went to one of those support groups for parents and even did some activism for a little while,” Frank leaned down to grab his can of coke from the table and took a sip.

“She has finally accepted it and you know what?” He stopped with a lopsided smile, “That's actually annoying sometimes,” he snorted. “She gave me the number of this guy the other day...” “A guy's number huh?” Gerard interrupted with a mischievous grin. “Yeah, he's her neighbor,” Frank explained, “I met him once when I went to visit and, he's actually cool,” Frank said nonchalantly. “Really?” Gerard was smirking at him. “What's his name?” He arched an eyebrow and asked.

“Steve” Frank answered, “He's an engineer and works in this big electronics company designing robotic stuff, so he has this really cool robot prototypes that he tests in his garage; the time I was there he let me fly this drone thing that his work team built”. “He did, huh?” Gerard said, still smirking. Frank nodded enthusiastically, remembering that actually, he had a very good time with the guy.

“Yeah, and he also likes Black Flag and has this collection of...” Frank stopped talking when he noticed that he got a little over excited whilst talking about Steve, he looked up at Gerard suddenly feeling self-conscious. “So, yeah...” he added in a calmer voice and licked his lips. “He's cool,” Frank said, aiming for nonchalant, but Gerard had an arched eyebrow and a wicked, lopsided smile on his face.

“Well...” Gerard trailed off, “It seems that your mom has done a very good job as a matchmaker, because you _so_ want to have Steve's babies,” he waggled his eyebrows in a ridiculous, mocking way, . “I don't...” Frank protested and his face turned red instantly. “Shut up!” he said and punched Gerard on the shoulder, but instead of showing a hint of pain, the older man just giggled, so Frank had no choice but to inflict him a ticklish punishment.

Gerard sank in the couch laughing loudly while Frank was pocking ruthlessly at his ribs. “Frank!” Gerard yelled, but he couldn't stop laughing, “Frank!” he said again, clenching his body and swinging his arms in the air as an attempt to protect his body from Frank's atack. “Stop it,” he tried to grab Frank's hands, but then bursted into laugh again. “I'll take it back, okay? Stop!” he said when he could calm himself down a little.

“You'll take it back?” Frank stopped moving and looked at him with and evil gaze. “Yes,” Gerard said breathlessly, “You don't want to have Steve's babies...” He started, still grinning, “You just want to bone his brains out”. “I don't!” Frank yelled indignantly, “The guy's not... He's not even my type,” he whined. Steve was a chubby, balding, dorky guy. He was kind of interesting, sure, but Frank wasn't that desperate and he had to punish Gerard again for suggesting that, so he started poking his ribs again.

“Frank, no!” Gerard yelled, but couldn't stop laughing until the sides of his abdomen started to hurt. “Ouch! It hurts! Stop!” He complained repeatedly and curled into a ball, at that moment Frank decided that that was enough for Gerard to learn his lesson, so he stopped poking. Gerard sat back and let his head lay back on the top edge of the couch, he was still smiling and panting a little. Frank did the same and now they were facing each other with just a few inches of space between them.

“So, you're dating again, huh?” Gerard said quietly with a small smile. Frank nodded, “I guess it's time for me to start trying, but I don't know,” he shrugged. “Do you still have feelings for Adam?” Gerard asked cautiously. “No, that's over,” Frank shook his head, “It's just that it has always been hard for me to find someone, you know?” Gerard frowned. “But you've dated a lot of guys, havent' you?” Gerard pointed out because he didn't understand what Frank meant by that.

Frank didn't feel very comfortable talking about that with Gerard, but he wanted to be honest with him so he answered. “Yeah, I have, and it usually goes well on the outside,” he explained, “But in the inside, I always feel like there's something missing.” “What's missing?” Gerard asked softly, frowning a little. “I don't know...” Frank bit his lip and considered the question for a moment, “Like a connection?” He sighed. “That's another thing that was wrong in my relationship with Adam, that we never felt connected, at least I never really felt it,” he huffed and looked down. As his eyes dropped, he saw Gerard's hand resting idly on the couch and smiled to himself.

“I haven't felt really connected to anyone since you,” Frank confessed and when he looked up, he felt something fluttering in his his stomach and his pulse started to race. Gerard was staring at him intently, his lips slightly parted and he licked them subtly before tilting his head to the side a little. Gerard was about to kiss him, Frank was sure and he really, really wanted it to happen, so he leaned forward to press his lips against Gerard's without even thinking, but before he could do that, Gerard jumped out of the couch.

“Um...” Gerard said, nervously and looked down at his watch. “It's late...” He blurted out, his eyes were huge and his face slightly flushed. “I have to go now,” he leaned down to take his bag and his notebook from the table. “Okay,” Frank nodded, not sure of what else to say. “So, we'll work on that song some other day,” he managed. “Yeah, sure, I... Um..” Gerard squirmed. “Maybe you can go to my house next time,” he suggested and started walking towards the door. “Sure,” Frank rose and followed him. “So, I'll call you, okay?” Gerard said in the doorway, “Okay,” Frank replied weakly.

After Gerard left the apartment, Frank went to the window and waited to see the other man walking out the building. Another thing that was a little disconcerting for Frank was how easily he was falling for Gerard again.


	14. The green couch incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard almost kissed Frank again.

The silence taking over the room while they were having dinner that night, was very unusual and no less awkward. Normally, Frank and Gerard would be chatting animatedly and laughing the whole time, telling Lindsey all about that new band they went to see with Mikey or about the ideas they had previously discussed for the plot of Gerard's new comic book.

Lately, the conversations were mostly about their progress in that song they had been working on for Bandit's birthday, but that had been delayed because they started working on some of the other lyrics that Gerard had written. Frank had insisted on how good they were and said that it would be a shame if they didn't try to turn them into songs. Gerard had complied after a while and actually, he was very pleased with the resulting tunes so far.

That night, though, Frank and Gerard had barely exchanged a few words and most of them were related to the items on the table. They were like: “Do you want some more pasta?” or “Can you pass me the salt, please?” They had been suspiciously quiet and over-polite the whole time and Lindsey seemed to be feeling as uneasy as the two men sitting there in front of each other.

“So,” Lindsey turned to look at Frank with a polite, but not quite authentic smile, “Gerard told me that you've been looking for apartments”. It was clear that she wanted to break the awkward tension between them by initiating a conversation; Gerard wasn't quite sure that it would help, but he had to thank her for trying.

“Yes,” Frank nodded, “I've been looking for a new place for almost two months now,” he said, stirring his food mindlessly with his fork. “Sometimes it can be hard to find a place in the city,” Lindsey pointed out, “Have you seen an apartment you've liked yet?” She asked and then had one more bite of her meal.

“Well... I think that's been the main problem,” Frank snorted, “Irene, my real state agent...” he sipped his iced tea before continuing, “She has been showing me apartments all around the city and she had been managing the frustration fairly well until last week, when she gave up and sent me a list of houses here in Jersey. We went to see some of them and I suddenly realized it,” he glanced at Gerard, who was quietly eating across the table.

“There was always something off with the apartments: the location, the space, the lighting or whatever,” he waved a hand as he talked, “And that was because I wasn't looking for an apartment in New York, I was looking for a house in Jersey but that I didn't know it until now, isn't that odd?” He grinned his first authentic smile since they had sat at the table. Gerard breathed out with relief and smiled back. Maybe they could pretend that nothing had happened between them that night just like they did the time before when Gerard almost kissed Frank.

The day after that happened, Frank acted totally normal and didn't bring up the subject as Gerard thought he might, so apparently, everything was fine between the two of them. There was no need to talk about almost kisses and what they probably meant. Even though, after that incident, Gerard had intended to be more careful whenever he was around the other man and not let anything like that happen again.

That's why he started to ask Mikey to go with them more often when they were out and he asked Frank to meet him mostly at his house, whenever they had time to work on his songs, because Gerard thought that the house was a safe area with Lindsey and Bandit there and it actually was, until that particular evening.

Gerard was home alone, his wife and the baby were out visiting Lindsey's father and Frank had arrived unannounced a few hours after they left. “Hi,” he said softly when Gerard opened the door. “Hi,” Gerard replied starled and stared at Frank for just a second, trying to figure out the reason why the other man was there, standing in his doorway, before letting him in.

Frank had a wide smile on his face, got his guitar case hanging from his shoulder and was holding a six pack of coke in his lap. Whenever Gerard saw Frank there, in the doorway, he had the same unsettling sensation of déjà vu because it was the same every time. It was the same glint in Frank's eyes, the same warmth irradiating from his wide, yet kind of shy smile and the same fluttering feeling in Gerard's stomach that he had felt fourteen years ago. It was unsettling mainly because he didn't know how to explain to himself that recursive feeling.

“Are you busy tonight?” Frank asked and handed him the cans, oblivious of Gerard's dazed expression. “Um...” Gerard lifted his eyebrows and he had to search in his mind for a moment before saying, “I have a stack of drafts to check and organize waiting for me on my desk, I was about to do that”. Frank smiled lopsidedly at him, “Well, I hope that you don't mind changing your plans because I have lots of ideas for that song about Elena and I couldn't just tell you on the phone, so I decided to come,” he explained as he walked through the hall and headed to the living.

“Also,” he stopped in the middle of the room, then lifted the strap of his guitar case over his head and started taking his guitar out. “I've been trying to figure how to fix the bridge in Bandit's song and I think that I finally got it,” Frank sat down on the green, velvet couch that he liked so much, and put his instrument on his lap before looking up at Gerard, grinning enthusiastically.

Gerard was taken aback by his unbidden presence, that was obvious. Since they almost kissed in Frank's apartment, a couple of weeks before, Gerard felt more confident around him when he was in control of the situation and had a specific plan for their meetings, but Frank was unpredictable sometimes and that shattered Gerard's efforts to remain in control.

“Well, I can't wait to hear your ideas,” Gerard commented, trying to smile back and, in that way, hide his uneasiness. “Just... Um...” He remembered that he was still carrying the pack of cans in his arms. “Just, let me take these to the kitchen”. Frank nodded and started  tuning his guitar.

Gerard took a deep breath before walking out of the kitchen holding a can in each hand and a couple of napkins. “It's pretty quiet in here,” Frank pointed out when Gerard finally joined him in the living. “Is Bandit already sleeping?” He asked as he reached out for the can of soda that the other man offered him. “No, Lindsey went to see her dad and she took Bandit with her”. “Oh,” Frank nodded, “So, do you have the notebook?” he asked, tilting his head to the side, a little, his big bright eyes boring into his own.

Gerard frowned, “The notebook?” He asked to himself and it took him a moment before reacting to the question. “Yes, let me go get it,” he said in a rush before turning around and walking to the studio. He huffed harshly as he walked into the room and opened one of his desk drawers. He was distracted and having weird reactions around Frank, that made him consider that maybe he was more nervous that he thought he was. Even though, he tried to push that thought to the back of his mind and gather himself up. This was just an impromptu song writing session and Gerard could handle that perfectly fine, or at least that's what he said to himself.

“Here,” Gerard handed Frank the notebook, it was already opened at the page were the lyrics for _Helena_ were written. Gerard had complied with Frank's request to show him the lyrics he has written, but only those he selected. Gerard didn't want the other man to read the lines that he had written years ago, with Frank in mind. Frank grabbed the old, shattered notebook, placed it on the coffee table and then started playing the melody.

After a moment, Gerard sat on the armchair near the couch and quietly watched Frank playing. He was puzzled by the way that Frank made him feel. Every time he looked at him, he couldn't help but notice how good-looking he was, but it wasn't just that. Gerard had met plenty of handsome men in the course of his life and it was nice admiring them the same way he could admire a work of art. Looking at Frank was totally different, it was because appart from admiring his features, he felt drawn to him.

“I...” Frank looked up and caught Gerard staring. "Um...” The younger man trailed off and dropped his gaze. “How long it has been since you last played guitar?” He asked casually. Gerard didn't expect that question at all. “I don't know,” he shook his head and pursed his lips, “A few years?” he said, dubiously. “Would you like to give it a try?” Frank, looked up smiling and outstretched his arm to offer him the instrument.

“Frank,” Gerard snorted, “You know that I suck at playing guitar”. “Nonsense,” Frank waved a hand dismissively. “You used to do it well enough, your problem is that you can't sing and play at the same time and I don't blame you for that, not everyone can walk and chew gum,” he said with a mocking grin and a smug eyebrow. “Sure," Gerard squinted at him, "Not everyone is a musical prodigy such as yourself,” Gerard said raising an eyebrow at him, that made Frank chuckle.

“Come here,” the younger man said, patting the seat next to him. Gerard stood up and sat on the green couch just a few inches away from Frank. He grabbed the guitar and put it on his lap faltering a little. Frank shifted just a bit closer and reached out to put the other man's hands in place. Gerard shivered slightly at his touch, but tried to hide it by clasping tighter the wooden surface of the guitar, then he looked up.

Frank was looking at him intently and their eyes locked for a second before Frank averted his gaze and turn to take some music sheets out of his guitar case. He flipped the pages until he found the right one, then he put the sheets on the coffee table. “I want you to start with the chorus,” Frank said, pointing at the scores. Gerard nodded uncertainly and started playing, getting some of the notes wrong. He huffed with frustration, “I told you Frank, I can't play”. “You're doing it just fine,” Frank reassured him, “Try again, from the top,” he demanded.

Gerard had never felt confident about his abilities for playing instruments, but he knew that if he declined, Frank would keep insisting and the thing was that he really wanted to give it a try, so inhaled deeply, pressed his lips together and frowned. He took a moment to fucus on the scores before he started playing again, this time he hit each of the notes.

“See,” Frank said proudly, beaming at him “I told you”. Gerard nodded, his smile was as wide as Frank's. “So,” the younger man grabbed the music sheets, “This is the part I want to change,” he said pointing at the bottom of the front page. “The thing is that if we change this part, we may also have to change some of the verses”.

“Really?” Gerard put the guitar aside and considered it for a second, “Let me...” He leaned down to grab his notebook, unaware that Frank had shifted his body at the same time. Now they were face to face and incredibly close. Gerard could see Frank's dark pupils flickering a little under the light of the lamps on the wall, he also saw Frank's lips parting slightly with something like want. The attraction Gerard felt towards Frank was undeniable and he couldn't run away from it, not when the other man was so close, when his eyes were boring deep into his own and he was feeling the persisting need to kiss his lips again.

“Gee, we're...” The two men jumped out of the couch when they heard Lindsey's voice coming from the doorway. Lindsey stood there for a moment, gaping and looking at them with a disconcerted expression. Then she spoke again, “I didn't know that you were here,” she said, blinking and turning to look at Frank. “I...” The man faltered, “I wasn't planning on coming tonight, but I had lots of ideas for the songs we've been working on and I couldn't wait to share them with Gerard, but...” he looked down, “I'd better go now...”

“No," Lindsey cut him off, "Stay for dinner," she offered, courtesly. "My dad made enough pasta for feeding six people," she let out a small laugh, "We need you to help us eat all this,” then she lifted a big, round container that she was holding on her hands, on demonstrative way. “Let me help you with that,” Gerard said and stepped closer to grab the container.

“Okay,” Frank muttered weakly, accepting the invitation. He looked at Lindsey and then glanced awkwardly at Gerard but then suddenly, the sound of a little, sweet voice made him look away. “Hi,” Bandit had just walked into the room and was waving her hand at Frank. “Hi baby, how are you?” Frank said, smiling at her, he stepped closer to grab her by the waist and lift her up.

As the night went on, no one mentioned anything about the previous incident. They all were in separate rooms and acted as if nothing had happened. Lindsey was in the kitchen heating the pasta and making a salad while Gerard was at the dining room setting the table. Meanwhile, Frank had stood in the living, playing with Bandit and a sponge ball.

“Time to go to bed,” Lindsey chimed in a while later and lifted Bandit in her arms. “Good night,” Frank said quietly at the girl, waving a hand. “Night,” she replied, already yawning and letting her head rest on Lindsey's shoulder.

Once that the three adults were sitting at the table, an awkward atmosphere took over the room. Nobody was going to say anything about it, but they all could feel it. It was like when something wrong or embarrassing happens and the people involved just try to push it away and pretend that they didn't see anything, like when someone opens the bathroom door and you're sitting on the toilet with your pants down to your knees.

The whole time Gerard tried to avoid making eye contact with Frank because he didn't know how would he react if the other man looked back at him, so he focused on staring down at his plate and occasionally, glanced at his wife. They didn't talk much either, not until Lindsey brought up the subject of Frank's search for an apartment.

When Gerard saw Frank smiling at him across the table, he let himself relax a little and joined in the conversation. They talked about real state and house inspections for a while until, unexpectedly, the conversation diverted to the oncoming reunion of Lindsey's band. Sometimes Gerard forgot how much Lindsey loved to be in a band and perform on stage and how much she missed that, but she didn't talk about it anymore, actually they didn't talk or spend that much time together anymore. Gerard stayed quiet thinking about that as Lindsey filled Frank in with the details.

The moment they finished their meals, Lindsey started gathering the plates from the table and Gerard stood up to help her. “I guess that it's time for me to go,” Frank said, fidgeting a little in his chair. “Just let me take this to the kitchen and I'll walk you out,” Gerard said while lifting the pile of plates. The other man nodded and went to the living to grab his things.

“So," Frank started speaking when they both were standing beneath the dim light of the porch. "I think I already made a decision,” he said and Gerard heard something odd behind his earnest tone. “You've finally decided for a house, huh?” He asked him curiously. “I think I have," Frank nodded, "And Irene desperately wants me to sign the contract, but I want a second opinion first, so...” He looked down, the shadow of his eyelashes obscured his cheeks for a second. 

“Would you come with me and see the house?” Frank bit his lip and looked up at Gerard with big hopeful eyes. “Um...” The older man hesitated, “I'll be very busy this week,” he lied, but felt the need to offer something else instead, “Maybe the next one?” “I'll be in Boston next week, remember?” Frank said, “Yes, um... You're visiting your mom, right?” Gerard remembered Frank mentioning that a few days before. The other man nodded, “And they want me to give them an answer this Friday”. Gerard huffed, “I guess that you'll have to decide without me”. “I guess so...” Frank agreed and emitted a deflating sigh.

“I'll see you in two weeks, then,” Frank said after a moment and stepped closer to put his hand over one of Gerard's, clenching it lightly. “Yeah,” Gerard replied in a small voice, feeling something sinking in his stomach. “Bye,” he added in what sounded almost like a whisper as he saw Frank walking down the steps and into the street lights.


	15. Tell me about him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lindsey asks some questions about Frank.

Gerard was completely exhausted that night, he had been working all day and part of the night for three straight days because he had to present a first version of the storyline for his new comic book. It wasn't that Gerard didn't work hard everyday or that he tended to procrastinate, that much, the thing was that he had never believed in deadlines, not at least when applied to his work. When it comes to art, you can't set a date for inspiration to come or to expect that a piece will be finished in time with office hours.

That's what Gerard thought and he had let his boss know his opinion about that particular subject on several occasions, even thought, he had a contract he had to stick to and no other choice than confine himself in his studio the whole weekend and finish that already. He finally finished  a little after one a.m.

Lindsey had put Bandit to sleep several hours ago and then waited for Gerard to finish his work and join her in bed, but she gave up close to midnight and now she was already sleeping. Once he gathered and organized all his stuff, Gerard left the studio and went upstairs. He entered the dark bedroom quietly, lifting his feet just a little above the floor to avoid shuffling, the way he usually did when he didn't want to make any noise.

Given the location of the house and the ubication of the windows, the moonlight filtered through their glass most nights and softly illuminated the rooms. That night, though, was moonless and remarkably dark. It took Gerard a while before his eyes adjusted to the darkness, but he didn't want to turn on the lights and bother his wife, so he walked through, groping one of the walls that he used as a guide to get to the bathroom and turned on the lights there, instead.

After brushing his teeth and changing his clothes, he turned the lights off and the pitch black darkness took over the room again. That's why he didn't see one of his shoes standing in his way to the bed. Gerard tripped and in, an attempt to keep his balance, his knees bumped against the mattress.

“Gee?” Lindsey said in a thick, sleepy voice, “I tripped with my shoe, go back to sleep,” Gerard whispered and got on the bed. Lindsey shifted and pushed down the sheet that was covering her face. “Did you get to finish?” She asked, craning her neck a little. “Yeah, it's done, I'll show it to Dan and the other guys in the morning,” Gerard replied quietly and tucked himself up.

“Good,” Lindsey said with a yawn, she let her head sink back on the pillow and adopted the same position he had before, facing in the opposite direction of the room. Then she spoke again. “Your phone rang a couple of times since I put Bandit to bed,” she said. Gerard had left his phone charging on the nightstand that morning; he had came back to unplug the thing at noon and then had forgotten about it the whole day, so he reached for it to see who had called. He had missed a call and a text message from Frank.

Gerard hadn't seen or spoken to Frank in two weeks and he didn't want to admit it, but he was really upset about it. He had imperceptibly adjusted to a routine of talking to Frank and seeing him pretty often and, he hadn't realized it before, but he felt at ease knowing that he could reach him easily just by pressing a button or taking the train in the opposite direction after work and head towards his apartment. But now that the other man wasn't around and that Gerard hadn't been able to gather the courage to call him after that incident in the living, he craved for his presence.

Gerard read the text and let out a sigh, involuntarily. “Who was it?” Lindsey asked. “It was Frank, he's coming back tomorrow,” Gerard explained. Lindsey turned around and moved a little closer. “Are you seeing him then?” she asked, quietly. “I don't know... Maybe,” Gerard shrugged and put the phone back on the bedside table. “I'll call him in the morning,” he said and laid down on the bed again.

“Gee,” Lindsey called his name after a long moment. Gerard had his eyes closed and was already falling asleep. “Mm,” he hummed a reply. “Tell me about him?” “What?” Gerard's eyelids felt heavy with fatigue, but he managed to open them slowly and then he saw Lindsey's dark, round eyes fixed on him. “Tell me about Frank,” she said, there was something in her tone that Gerard couldn't pinpoint exactly.

“What do you want me to tell you?” Gerard asked disconcerted. He had given Lindsey all the basic information about Frank, who he was, where they knew each other from, how long it had been since they last had seen each other, plus, Frank and Lindsey had conversed on multiple occasions when the other man had been at the house. “You've talked to him a lot of times,” Gerard pointed out, because yes, it wasn't like Lindsey didn't know Frank.

“Yeah,” she replied, “But I want to know about _you and him_ ”. “Oh,” Gerard exhaled, panic took over him instantly. That was it, Lindsey was finally going to say something about that time when they almost kissed and she saw them. Gerard had expected this to happen, but he wasn't prepared for it, at all. He froze for a moment and waited for Lindsey to continue.

“You two were in a relationship, right?” She said in a way that almost sounded casual and Gerard felt the tension of his body giving in a bit; apparently she wasn't going to make a big deal out of this, after all. “Well... Yeah,” Gerard breathed out, “We used to date, but it was years ago, when we still were in high school”.

“How did you meet him?” Lindsey asked, curiously. “He was friends with Mikey; I didn't know that at first, I had seen him around a few times before Mikey introduced us to each other”. Lindsey went quiet for a couple of minutes and Gerard thought that that was all, she was going back to sleep, but she had more questions.

“So...” She started. “You two were in high school... Was he your first?” “My...” Gerard snorted nervously, “Lindsey, what? Why are you asking me this?” He asked bewildered. “I just want to know,” Lindsey half explained. “We can talk about these things, right?” Her tone was firm and it didn't seem like she was going to relinquish until Gerard gave her an answer. “We'll talk about your exes next time, then,” Gerard threatened, but he didn't really mean it, he didn't want to know about Lindsey's exes.

“Sure,” she replied confidently. “So, tell me, was he your first?” the woman insisted and Gerard huffed heavily. “He was a lot of firsts, actually,” he said in a small, almost shy voice. “He was the first boy I ever kissed,” he commented, there was a hint of melancholy in his tone. “And was the first person I fell in love with,” he wanted to add but didn't.

“And what happened?” Lindsey asked, “Why did you break up?” “We...” Gerard bit his lip and thought about it for a moment. “We never broke up,” he said. “You didn't?” Lindsey inquired, confused. “No," Gerard shook his head and sighed, "Not really". He knew that that was an odd thing to say, but it was true and of course, Lindsey needed more details to understand it. “So what's the story?” She asked.

“His mom...” Gerard stared, “She didn't want us to be together, you know, so we stopped seeing each other and then they moved to Boston, after that..." Gerard huffed, "We were out of touch for a long time”. “Mm...”  hummed Lindsey, pensively and didn't say a thing for a while. Gerard inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, he was determined to fall asleep, but then, Lindsey's voice chimed in again.

“Did you love him?” she asked, unexpectedly. “Maybe I still do,” Gerard said to himself and squeezed his eyes shut before opened them once again. “Yes,” he answered kind of breatheless, after a moment. “Good night, Gee,” Lindsey said simply and turned over. “Good night,” he replied.

Despite of his best efforts to keep the conversation he had with his wife the night before out of his mind, Gerard couldn't stop thinking about it. He was distracted during his presentation, especially when Dan, his boss, commented something about the background story for one of the characters. That background story was Frank's idea. Gerard didn't mention that, he just nodded and then his mind drifted away from the discussion that Dan and the his work team were having about the plot.

Gerard was confused, he was confused about what he was feeling for Frank but he also was having second thoughts about his marriage. Maybe he had had them for a while, but he hadn't had the courage to admit it, not even to himself, but to be fair, he could tell that Lindsey was going through the same. They had been growing apart slowly, sometimes it felt like the only thing that kept them together was Bandit, and Gerard didn't like to think about that, but maybe it was true.

Everything happened so fast in their relationship, from the first time they saw each other and hooked up, to the day when they found out that Lindsey was pregnant and decided to get married. Gerard had fallen for her incredibly fast and he was convinced that staying with her was the right thing to do.

She loved him and it was the right kind of love he needed at the time to help him get out of his loneliness and to give him the stability he needed and so many more reasons to stay sober, but deep inside, Gerard always felt that there was something missing, a missing piece that he couldn't pinpoint exactly. Even though, he had decided to marry her and he was going to stick to that commitment, so he thought that the best he could do was stay away from Frank for a while.

After the meeting had finished, Gerard went out of the building for a smoke. He leaned back against the side wall and fumbled in his pocket for his pack of cigarretes, then he heard his cell phone ringing. It was Frank. Gerard sighed and considered it for a moment before answering.

“Hello,” Gerard said, faltering a little. “Hey, I'm back,” Frank replied, cheerfully. He gave Gerard a brief summary about his trip and asked him if he wanted to meet him and finish that song for Bandit already. “I'm still very busy,” Gerard said, “They asked me to make some changes to the storyline and I still have to convince the executives to increase the budget to bring out the comic, so I have a lot of work to do”.

“Okay,” Frank accepted that explanation easily, but disappointment was present in his tone. “So, let me know me when you have time,” he said. “Sure,” Gerard promised and he hated lying to Frank, but what he was supposed to say? “Hey Frank, I think that I still love you so we can't see each other anymore?” That was absurd and stupid because he wasn't even sure that that was actually love, maybe it was something like a remnant, an attraction lingering between them.

An uncanny one though, it was the kind of attraction that made him sense the presence of the other man in the room, that made him turn around and look up, wanting to meet his eyes. Gerard had known about that kind of attraction, he had heard people talking about it, had read descriptions written in all kinds of stories, he had seen it portrayed in movies, but the truth was that he had only felt it once, he had only felt it with Frank.

And it was strong, stronger than his common sense apparently, because now, one week after he decided to stay away from Frank, Gerard was standing in the doorway of the other man's apartment, waiting for him to open the door.

 


	16. Filthy words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank, Gerard, some memories from the past and some dirty talking.

“What the hell am I doing here?” Gerard ran his fingers through his hair nervously for the second time. He hadn't stopped to think about what he was doing until he was standing in the threshold of Frank's apartment and had already pressed the doorbell button. Half an hour earlier, he had been walking the twelve blocks that he usually walked after work to take the train back to Jersey, but then, right outside the station, he turned around, crossed the street and got in a cab that took him to Frank's place.

As he walked into the building, Gerard started to feel anxious, his mouth was dry, he had a knot the size of a football tied in his stomach and his heart was pounding. He knew that being there was a bad idea. After the two times that they had almost kissed, he didn't trust himself being with Frank alone, but they hadn't seen each other in three weeks and he had been feeling the persistent need to see him, to be near him again and he was tired of fighting against it; that evening he decided to give up.

Gerard closed his eyes and inhaled deeply to calm himself down. “This is just a friendly visit,” he said to himself. There was no need to be nervous, this was just him visiting one of his old friends who he hadn't seen in a while, that was all, nothing else was going to happen. He exhaled slowly through his mouth once more before he saw the door being pulled open.

“Gerard!” Frank yelled enthusiastically and jumped out to catch him in an all encompassing hug. Gerard was taken aback by that, but he managed to slide his hands around Frank's waist and hold him. He breathed into Frank's hair, it was soft and it smelled like smoke and shampoo. That scent was... Peaches? Gerard wasn't sure, but he had missed it.

“Happy birthday, old man,” Frank said quietly next to Gerard's ear. “My birthday was almost two weeks ago,” Gerard pointed out. “Yeah, but I hadn't seen you before and now you're here,” Frank pulled back, grinning, “You finally made it”. “Yeah,” Gerard smiled back, “I had some free time, so I decided to come visit you”. Frank nodded and looked into Gerard's eyes for a moment, the smile on his face didn't fade a bit.

“Come on in,” he stepped back and beckoned. Gerard walked into the apartment and started talking, trying to keep looking back at Frank, “Sorry I didn't call before, I...” He stopped when his shin bumped against something solid. “Ah!” He growled and leaned down to rub the part right beneath his knee where a sharp pain started to radiate. As he looked down, he could see that the solid thing his shin had bumped against, was a metal crate filled with tools and bottles of paint that was on the floor next to the wall.

“Are you okay?” Frank asked him worriedly. “Yeah...” Gerard looked up and saw that there was about a dozen boxes piled along the hall. He frowned with confusion. “Are you moving out?” Frank shook his head, “Not until next week,” he said. “But I started packing already so I won't be rushing at the last minute, you know”. “So you bought that house, huh?” Gerard asked, curiously.

“Yeah,” Frank huffed a laugh, “I wasn't sure at first; buying real state is a big deal, but then Irene took me there for the thrid time and I just knew that it was the right decision,” Gerard nodded in recognition, he had felt the same when he and Lindsey bought their house. “Plus,” Frank added, “It'll be nice being a resident of New Jersey again”. Gerard grinned. “I'll start calling you neighbor, then”. Frank snickered.

“So, I see why you've decided to start packing now; how many things do you own?” Gerard asked, perplexed when he saw the quantity of boxes, crates and bags that were invading the living room. They were on the floor, over the couches and chairs, on the coffee table, beneath the coffee table and even over the shelves on the wall.

“More than I need, evidently,” Frank took his hand to the nape of his neck and looked around the room, seemingly overwhelmed by the amount of work that packing all those things would require. “And it's time for me to get rid of all the unnecessary stuff so, now that you are here, you could help me with that”. 

Gerard accepted willingly. When in an uncomfortable situation, he always felt more calmed if he had a specific task to focus on instead of being wandering around awkwardly, plus, helping Frank to pack his things was a perfectly innocent excuse to spend some time with him.

“So,” Frank stood in the middle of the room with his hands on his waist. “I'm starting with those boxes,” he pointed to a group of boxes that were piled in the hallway. “Do you remember that I told you that I was bringing some of the old notebooks I kept in my mom's house?” Gerard nodded. “Well, mentioning that to my mom wasn't a very wise move because the minute I told her, she started taking boxes out of the basement and into my car; apparently she needed the space or maybe she just wanted to get rid of my old stuff,” Frank said, grinning.

“So, are you keeping all these?” Gerard walked closer to the pile of old, shabby boxes, peering at the ones that were open. Frank shook his head, “I don't think so, I started checking the ones on the top and they're pretty much filled with junk, but I found some CDs and tapes I haven't heard in ages and some of the band pins I used to collect, so I have to check every box and see what else I can find before starting throwing things away”. Frank stepped closer, he grabbed one of the boxes and took it to the coffee table. “I even implemented a system”. “You did?” Gerard quirked his eyebrows up, impressed by that.

“Yup,” Frank replied, “Those boxes and bags over there,” he said, pointing to his left, “Are the things to throw away; you can put all the useless junk there”. He stepped backwards, “The ones by the couch are the things to give away; all that I don't need or want but that other people might use”. “Okay,” Gerard nodded. “And finally,” Frank added, “The stuff I will keep is on that chair; those are things that I might need, but mostly, useless crap with a sentimental value”.

“Got it,” Gerard pulled the strap of his messenger bag over his head and shoved the bag in a little empty space on one of the armchairs, then he rolled up his sleeves and grabbed a box. “You can put it here,” Frank said while clearing one of the lamp tables that were placed next to the wall. Gerard took the box there and started rummaging.

He found a broken disc man, a damaged wrist watch and a one legged Batman action figure; all that went immediately to the throw away pile. Then he took out a pair of rollerblades that were old, but in pretty good conditions so maybe some kid would make good use of them; he put them into one of the give away boxes. Then he walked back to the table and something he found at the bottom of the box caught his eye.

“Old comic books!” Gerard said, grinning and taking a stack of comics out. “Those are going directly to the keeping pile,” Frank said decisively, “Let me see,” he walked across the room and outstretched his hand. Gerard handed him half of the stack and started checking the other half. Frank flipped through the pages of an issue of Daredevil  and suddenly, an old photograph flew out. He leaned down and pick it up from the floor.

“Hey!” Frank yelled when he saw the picture. “I found a photo of My Chemical Romance”. “Really?” Gerard opened big eyes with surprise, he didn't even know that those existed. “Yeah, look,” Frank stepped closer and held it high for the other man to see. “Oh,” Gerard breathed out, he suddenly remembered the time when they took that photo. It was taken a few hours before they played at their first gig.

It was a picture of him, Frank, Mikey, Ray and Bob, standing on the sidewalk in front of the Way's house, smiling at the camera under the sunset light. “You looked so young,” Gerard commented, pointing at Frank's child face on the picture. “Well, I was young... We all were,” Frank said, grinning. Gerard nodded and grinned back, then took the whole stack of comic books to one of the boxes of things to keep and walked into the hallway to grab another box.

Meanwhile, Frank stared at the photo a little longer. “You were wearing your turtle neck shirt here,” he said, turning to look at Gerard, “You really loved wearing those back then, right?” he added. “No, I didn't,” Gerard said firmly, putting the second box on the table. “I actually hated them”. Frank frowned, “Then why you kept wearing them all the time?” “Because of you,” Gerard replied while he was lifting the cardboard flaps. Frank blinked and Gerard could see the puzzlement on his face so he gave him a further explanation, “Because of your stupid biting kink,” he added.

“My what?” Frank asked, bewildered. “Don't you remember Frank? My neck and shoulders were covered with hickies and I had to wear turtlenecks and scarfs to hide them; I had to wear them even when it was too damn hot outside”. Frank's eyes widened and he started giggling. Gerard gave him a dirty look. “Okay...” Frank said a little out of breath, after a moment. “Maybe I left some little marks on your skin every now and then, but it wasn't that bad,” he shrugged with one shoulder, dismissively.

“They weren't just some marks,” Gerard corrected him sternly, “They were dark bruises and it wasn't every now and then, but very often”. Frank bursted into laugh again and Gerard squinted at him. Frank wasn't getting it, Gerard had suffered to hide the hickies he had on his neck from his parents, his teachers and his bandmates and Frank was laughing at that, the asshole. “Admit it Frank, you had a biting kink out of control at the age of sixteen,” Gerard said in a smug tone.

Frank had to press his lips together to make himself stop giggling. “Okay,” he took a deep breath before talking. “I'll admit it only if you admit that you loved it,” he offered, arching an eyebrow mischievously. Gerard narrowed his eyes again and dismissed that comment with a wave of his hand, then he kept rummaging into the box.

Frank pursed his lips, “Don't you dare to deny it Way,” he said, stepping closer and getting his indignant on. “I know that you loved it,” he stated, “I remember very clearly how you got every time I did that”. Gerard glanced at him, giving him an indifferent look. “Do you remember that time when we went to the movies?” The younger man asked. “Frank, we were at the movies all the time, you have to be more specific,” Gerard pointed out and he didn't care how petulant he sounded. Frank's arched eyebrow went even higher.

“Well, then,” he huffed pissily before continuing, “I'm talking about _that specific time_ ," he stressed out, "When we went to see some shitty movie, which plot I don't even remember because I was busy the whole time, kissing and..." He gave a tiny shrug. “Okay,” he conceded, “Biting your neck, but you were panting and moaning so loud that some old couple in front of us turned around to see what the hell was going on,” he said, waving an accusing finger in front of Gerard's face. 

Gerard looked up at him and bit back a grin, he actually remembered the disturbed expressions on the old folks' faces. “And then,” Frank added, indignation still present in his tone. “Before the credits started rolling, you took me out to the alley behind the theater and pinned me against the wall,” he said, moving closer and getting into Gerard's space.

Frank looked into Gerard's eyes and his expression shifted all of the sudden. He inhaled deeply and then started speaking in a lower, huskier voice, “You basically humped my leg until we both came, don't tell me that you don't remember that,” the younger man said, then he tilted his head a little and licked his lips in a subtle, yet provocative way. Their eyes were locked until Gerard's gaze dropped to stare at Frank's tempting mouth.

He couldn't lie, Gerard remembered that night clearly because that was the first time that he saw Frank having an orgasm; that was the first time he felt Frank coming while pressing his crotch against Gerard's body; Frank's leg clenched around his thigh, the two of them moaning desperately and Gerard feeling Frank's nails digging deep down his back underneath his shirt. Gerard remembered that maybe a little too vividly, because now his breath was hitching and all of the sudden, he felt a wave of heat rising from his neck up to his cheeks.

“Do you remember that, Gee?” Frank asked, huskily and glanced down. “I'm sure your body does,” he bit his bottom lip, “You're getting hard,” he pointed out with a tiny nod and Gerard's mouth dropped open. He looked down and saw the noticeable bulge growing in his crotch. Opposite to what he had thought that morning, that was a very bad occasion to wear tight jeans, but Gerard couldn't control his reaction, he was turned on by the memories that the other man was bringing up and by his proximity.

Gerard tugged his shirt down eagerly, trying to cover his erection. “Don't hide it, Gee,” Frank commanded, shaking his head. “I like to see you like this,” he added quietly and leaned in a little, trying to meet Gerard's eyes, but the other man was looking down, his hands clenched in the fabric of his shirt and his cheeks still burning.

“Gee, it's okay,” Frank said in a reassuring way, then reached out to put his hands on the little table behind Gerard. Now Frank's arms were surrounding him, he was practically pinning Gerard, except for the fact that he wasn't actually touching him. Frank was close enough for Gerard to feel the warmth of the other man's breath next to the left side of his neck, but it seemed that Frank was actively avoiding any actual contact.

“Just think about it, Gee,” he whispered. “You get all nice and hard as I talk about us, dorky teenagers fooling around in some alley so many years ago,” he said quietly, his lips were almost brushing Gerard's ear and that made his erection twitch. “Now think how would you feel like if I actually put my hands in your pants right now”. Gerard gasped and stepped back, his back bumped against the box he was checking just minutes before.

“Frank, what are you saying?” Gerard asked, bewildered, still avoiding making eye contact. He was feeling pretty uneasy with this whole situation and he wanted to move away, to face Frank and tell him that this wasn't right, but he couldn't. Frank's closeness was keeping him from moving and his voice kept him from thinking straight. He had been sinking gradually into Frank's voice, that enticing voice that started resonating in his ears again.

“What would happen if I put my hands on your stomach and then slide them very gently, down to the space between your legs?” Frank continued, ignoring Gerard's previous question. Gerard gasped and then caught his lower lip between his teeth to help more gasps or anything else from slipping out of his mouth. “What if I put one hand on your hip while I tuck the other one beneath the waistband of your jeans?” Gerard shivered, he had never heard Frank talking like that before and it was both, unsettling and incredibly hot.

“How would it feel if I move it a little lower and grab that big _cock_ of yours?” Gerard tilted his head back and let out a soft, breathy moan. He couldn't help it, he just loved the way that word resonated in Frank's mouth, it sounded so dirty, so sexy. Frank seemed to notice the effect that he was having on Gerard because he smirked mischievously and then chewed his lip before continuing.

“Now imagine how good it will feel when I glide my hand along the lenght of your dick and stroke it up and down," Frank cooed, "Slowly at first and then fast and tight, just the way I like it,” now Gerad was panting blatantly, head ducked in the other man's neck, inhaling his intoxicating scent. “Imagine the feeling of my hand, or better...” Frank grinned lopsidedly, “The feeling of my mouth around your _cock_...”, he said sultry, emphasizing that last word that Gerard loved to hear coming from him. “My warm, wet, mouth surrounding your length...”

At that point, Gerard was completely out of his mind, his erection was already aching beneath his pants and all he wanted to do was to grab Frank by the waist and kiss him eagerly, to kiss and lick every single part of his body and then take him to his bed and fuck him hard against the mattress, but he couldn't do that, he had to restrain himself from moving because he didn't want to do something he would regret later.

Frank shifted a little and put his hand on Gerard's hip. The older man cringed and tried to jerk away, but Frank used his other hand to caress the right side of Gerard's face, gently, then Frank ran his fingers through the other man's hair going from his temple to the nape of his neck. The touch of Frank's hand felt like electricity running beneath his skin and Gerard wanted to feel Frank's hands all over his body.

Frank pulled Gerard's head by the neck just a little closer, then their eyes locked for a moment. They both were breathing heavily and their faces were flushed from the heat they were irradiating. Gerard closed his eyes and let himself sink into that sexy situation again. “Would you like that, Gee?” Frank asked, taking his face a little closer to the point where their noses were almost touching. A breathless “Yeah” was Gerard's immediate response, but then he came back to his senses and opened wide eyes.

He stepped aside abruptly. “No Frank,” he raised his voice, his breathing was still uneven, but it wasn't because of the arousal anymore, it was because of the dread that suddenly took over him. “I can't,” Gerard yelled, “You know that I can't, I'm married, remember?” Gerard covered his face with his hands and  ran his fingers through his hair, then he tugged some strands hard, feeling utterly confused and desperate.

“I don't know what we are doing Frank...” He huffed and looked up at the other man. “I just... I just wanted to see you, but...” Gerard felt something tightening in his chest, it was like if there was not enough air in the room for him to breathe properly; he couldn't stay there any longer.

He turned around and took his messenger bag from the chair where he left it, then walked quickly through the hall and out of the apartment, ignoring the voice that was yelling behind him, calling him desperately.


	17. Hands on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard spends some time in the shower.

Gerard was fuming as he fumbled in his pockets for his car keys. “Where are the fuck are the fucking keys?” He said angrily when he didn't find them in the pockets of his jeans nor in the ones on his jacket, then with a sudden flip of his hands, he poured the contents of his messenger bag over the hood of his car and looked through them, desperately.

Gerard swore a little more, ignoring the disapproving glances that the people passing by the parking lot gave him, until he finally found the damn key ring clinging to the neck of a small plastic giraffe property of Bandit's that he, for some strange reason, had been carrying around the whole day without even noticing.

After shoving all his stuff back into the bag, he got in the vehicle and slammed the door harder than he intended. He inserted the key, but before turning the engine on, he propped his elbows on the steering wheel, covered his face with his hands and closed his eyes while taking a deep, tranquilizing breath.

He knew that he had to calm himself down before going on the road because he was still feeling too upset; what had happened earlier at Frank's apartment had really fucked him up. Gerard stayed in that position for a few minutes, focused on controlling his breathing and taming his emotions. 

The truth was that Gerard had never been in a situation like that one before and he was going through a swirl of emotions that were too overwhelming for him to deal with. At first, when he ran out of the apartment and along the street to take a taxi cab, it was dread, the feeling of being doing something wrong, stealthy, something which consequences he couldn't ponder exactly, but that was more than he could handle.

Then, as he was getting on the train back to Jersey, Gerard started to feel angry, he was fucking furious at Frank for doing what he did, for playing with him the way he did, trying to seduce him like that. “How could he even dare?” Gerard squeezed his body in one of the seats by the window, then he rubbed his hand roughly against his face and ran his fingers through his hair.

“He knows that I'm married,” he thought looking into his mind for an answer that would help him understand what made Frank act like that, but he was too pissed off at the time to think clearly, so he just sat back in his seat, arms crossed against his chest, his fists tightly clenched under his pits and tried to focus on staring at the rails, still feeling rage going through his veins.

He only took his eyes from the window a couple of times during the ride to glare and mutter curses under his breath at the people that were talking too loud on the other side of the aisle. They were chatting cheerfully about their perfect, little lives while Gerard was there, curled up on his seat, fuming.

As soon as the train got to his stop and the doors opened, he jumped out the wagon and walked hurriedly out of the station and toward the lot of a strip mall where he used to park his car during the day.

While he was walking the few blocks that separated the station from the mall, Gerard could feel a crisp, spring breeze cooling down his cheeks. He hadn't seen his face in hours, but he was sure that they were still flushed with anger. Gerard hated feeling like that, he hated feeling so fucked up, but the discomfort that his own emotions were causing him, had only helped to feed his rage and make him feel even more upset.

The cycle ended once that he got in his car and remained there, alone, with his eyes closed, ignoring the world around him and just focusing on the motion of his chest rising and falling as he breathed in and out slowly. That was a technique he used to apply at times when he was feeling anxious during the period of his recovery and he was glad that it still worked for him after all those years. After a series of measured breaths, he started to feel calmer, or at least less upset, so he decided that it was safe for him to start driving back to his house.

As the car was moving along under the street lights, Gerard tried to keep his mind focused on the road, but all he could think of at the time was Frank. Frank had tried to seduce him, did that mean that he wanted to be back with him? Or it was simply a reaction to the previous occasions when Gerard had almost kissed him? Because, yes, if this was a game, Gerard had started it and he, at least, had to admit that. But if Frank had wanted to make a point, he could have said something about those incidents and talk to Gerard sensibly, not pin him against a table and say all those things.

Gerard had never heard anyone talking like that before and maybe that was the reason why that situation had been so striking for him. Gerard was kind of shy, so even when he could be very vocal in his mind during sex, he rarely let those thoughts to turn into words and slip out of his mouth, that's why hearing Frank talking to him so provocatively and so naturally had been both, shocking and an unexpected turn on.

Suddenly, Gerard brought to his memory flashes of what had happened previously in Frank's apartment. He pictured himself standing with his back against the table, his face down, his cheeks hot and his heart beating incredibly fast beneath his shirt as Frank leaned in, sliding his arms around him, not touching him but still very, very close, and ducked his face in Gerard's neck.

As he evoke that, Gerard could remember the feeling of Frank's warm breath brushing against his ear while the other man was speaking sultry. He remembered the way his body shivered and his breathing hitched as the descriptions of what Frank wanted to do were getting more and more explicit.

Frank never uttered that kind of talk back when they were together, not even during the hottest moments of their make out sessions, but they were kids back then. It seemed that Frank had picked up some interesting skills along the way and Gerard didn't know what other skills Frank had learned since then, but the mere thought of that was making his jeans feel a lot tighter.

Gerard glanced down when he stopped at a red light only to confirm that, yes, he was hard again. The effect that Frank had on him was too powerful, even when he was away from him and Gerard could barely resist anymore. He started breathing heavily, his eyes still fixed on the road, but his mind was far away from there as he recalled the images that Frank had installed in his head with his words.

The anger and desperation Gerard had felt during that last hour, were washed off of his body as a wave of want hit him again. He wanted Frank, he wanted him so bad that all that he could think of as he drove closer to his house, was the things the other man had whispered next to his ear and the way his whole body reacted to that.

The abrupt sound of a horn, brought Gerard back from his thoughts, at that moment, he realized that he was just a block away from the street that he used to take as a short cut, so he glanced at the rear mirror, switched lanes and turned to the right. Gerard parked in front of his house a few minutes later and leaned down to take his bag from the passenger's seat.

He shifted a little to reach it and emitted a little gasp when the friction caused by his movement and the tightness of his jeans, sent a delightful, tingling sensation to his groin. He really wanted to repeat that sensation, so he glanced around furtively to make sure that there wasn't anyone out there and slowly slid his hand from his hip to his crotch, biting his bottom lip hard as his head fell back on the top edge of the seat.

His own touch felt so good that he couldn't help but keep pressing and rubbing a little more until a quiet, breathy moan escaped from his mouth. It was evident that his erection wasn't going away by itself and Gerard was dying to do something about it, but taking care of it in his driveway wasn't and option because one of his neighbors passing by on their night walks might witness that and he didn't want to be accused of indecent exposure or something, so he thought that he could sneak in the house and go directly to the bathroom in his room to rub one out in the shower.

Having figured his plan, Gerard got off the car, hung his messenger bag across his chest and back and placed it strategically in front of his crotch to hide the very notorious bulge in his pants. He jogged across the garden, climbed the steps quickly and walked into the house as quietly as he could, feeling his breathing and pulse going faster every second. He snuck through the living room and the hall and was about to put his foot on the bottom step of the staircase when he heard the voice of his wife calling him from the kitchen.

“Gerard, it's that you?” Lindsey asked. “Yeah,” he replied in a slightly strained voice, then sighed and turned around. There was an unexpected change of plans, but he still could go to there, say hi to his wife and baby and then make his way to the shower. He walked into the kitchen and saw Lindsey with her elbows propped on the counter and some menus on her hand as she was talking on the phone, ordering some food.

Meanwhile, Bandit was sitting on a tall chair, eating her dinner. “Hi B, how are you?” Gerard said, smiling fondly at her. The little girl greeted him with a chirpy “Hi” and then said something indecipherable in baby language. “Hey, I found this,” Gerard said, taking the toy giraffe out of his bag. “Giraffe!,” the girl said –or tried, she had a little trouble pronouncing the Rs– and made grabby hands.

As soon as Gerard handed her the toy, Bandit used it as a spoon, dipping the head of the animal into the bowl of mashed potatoes and then taking it to her mouth. Gerard cringed a little and laughed. He knew that it wasn't very proper, but if his daughter wanted to do that, she at least could do it in a more sanitary way, so he took the toy to the sink before the confused expression of the girl. “Let me wash it first,” he said and started scrubbing the giraffe with a sponge and some soap.

“It's great that you found it, she's been asking for it the whole day,” Lindsey said after she hung up and put the phone on the counter. “It was in my bag for some reason,” Gerard explained while he was walking back to where the baby was sitting and handed her the toy. Lindsey stepped closer and the moment that Gerard leaned down and shifted his body to press a kiss on her cheek, she felt his husband's half erection against her hip.

It had been a while since they last had had sex, but by the way that Gerard kissed her it was evident that the man wasn't about to do something to change that fact. Gerard stepped back immediately and repositioned the bag with a quick pull. Lindsey looked up at him, his neck and face were slightly flushed and his hair was a little more dishevelled than usual.

“Are you having dinner with me?” She said in a casual tone. “Yeah,” Gerard nodded, “I just want to take a shower first”. “Okay,” Lindsey replied, “The food I ordered will be here in about twenty five minutes”. “Good,” Gerard gave her a small smile. “I'll be right back,” he said before sprinting out of the kitchen and toward the stairs.

“Gerard,” Lindsey called his name from the hallway when he was about to put his hand on the rail. “Yeah?” He answered, but didn't turn back to look at her. “Where have you been?” Gerard's stomach flipped. He didn't expect that question at all, but he was already feeling guilty for what had happened in Frank's apartment and for what he was about to do, so he didn't lie. “I was with Frank,” he said under his breath and walked up the stairs quickly.

Once he got to the bathroom, Gerard stood behind the door, a hand pressed against his forehead and his eyes closed. “What am I doing?” he said to himself. Now that the initial rush he had felt in his car and as he snuck into the house had faded, he wasn't sure about sticking with the plan he had anymore, maybe he could just take a quick shower and forget about the whole thing, but then he remembered who started all this.

He involuntarily pictured Frank in his head and brought back the series of memories he had evoked during his ride back home: the display of the other man's sexiness, his closeness, his smell, the way that Gerard's body reacted when he heard those filthy words being whispered in his ear, and he inevitably started to feel the beginnings of arousal again.

Gerard inhaled deeply as his hand moved slowly down to the space between his legs. He palmed his cock over his jeans and started rubbing gently repeating Frank's words in his mind and feeling his erection growing beneath his clothes. There had been so many times when Gerard had felt attracted to Frank while they were hanging out together since they started being close again, but this was actually, the first time that he was letting himself do something with that, this was the first time that he was allowing himself to fantasize about being with Frank.

After a while, the friction caused by his hand was both, too much and not enough. At that moment Gerard opened his eyes and saw the shower in front of him. He stepped closer and started taking his shoes off without even bothering on untying the laces, he just slid his feet out and threw the shoes away with a quick kick. Then he unzipped his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt with diligent hands; a second later, both pieces of clothing fell down to the floor.

Gerard reached down to unbuckle his belt, but then he realized that he was going too fast; he had at least twenty minutes to do this, so he decided to take best advantage of every minute. He leaned down and pulled his socks off, then stepped into the shower feeling the cold tiles beneath his bare feet and turned the water on.

He stepped back before the water started to run, and put his hands in his pants to unbuckle his belt and unzip his fly. With his thumbs tucked beneath the waistband of his jeans, he started pulling them down very slowly. Once they were down to his ankles, he stepped out of them and kicked them away. Gerard stood straight again and did the same with his briefs. 

This time, though, as he leaned down, tugging his underwear with his thumbs, he looked back over his shoulder, imagining that he wasn't alone in the room, that Frank was standing behind him, watching quietly as he got undressed. The idea of being watched, of having Frank staring at him, tracing every line and curve of his body with his gaze, made Gerard's cock twitch.

Once he was completely naked, he outstretched his hand to check the temperature of the water, it was hot, but not too much, just the way he liked it. Gerard walked in and stood beneath the hot spur a couple of minutes until every part of his body was soaked, then turned around and grabbed a bottle of body wash that was on a little ledge on the wall and poured a small amount in his palm.

The sensation of his slippery hand, making the first direct contact with the sensitive skin of his dick was simply delicious. Gerard started gliding his hand from the base of his cock up to the tip, stroking leisurely with his fist still loose, applying just a little pressure around the shaft. After a moment, he increased the pace and the pressure and brought his free hand down to cup his balls, tugging a little and feeling the weight of them between his fingers.

With a gentle motion of his thumb, he started rubbing circles around the tip and it all felt so good that he gasped repeatedly as his back and neck arched. Gerard felt the droplets running down his chest, drawing watery paths down his skin and for a moment he imagined that instead of water, it was Frank, Frank's lips tracing a path of kisses down his chest, stomach and lower.

He pictured Frank kneeling down in front him, replacing Gerard's hand with his own and then with his mouth. Gerard started stroking faster and harder as he imagined the feeling of the wet warmth of Frank's mouth surrounding his cock. A throaty “Ah!” followed by a series of short, breathless moans escaped from his mouth before he put the hand that was between his thighs, against his mouth.

Gerard got so carried away that he could barely hold the overwhelming need of release any longer. With a last movement of his thumb around the tip of his dick, Gerard came hard and his short moans turned into a long, deep groan of pleasure. "Ah!" He heard his own voice resonating in the tiled room and perched an arm against the wall in front of him to support himself while his hips were still jerking with the last spasms.

After a minute, Gerard looked down with half lidded eyes and watched the traces of cum being washed off his hand by the running water. He stayed like that, with his head down resting against his propped forearm, breathless and feeling completely blissed out. It had been a long time since Gerard had had an orgasm that intense and it took him a while to recover.

Once that his breathing was norma again and that he realized that he had probably wasted too much water, he stood up straight and washed his hair and body quickly. When Gerard walked out of the bedroom and into the hall, already dressed and combing his damp hair with his fingers, he saw Lindsey coming out of Bandit's room.

“I just put Bandit to bed,” she said, her expression was kind of gloomy. “I left a container with food on the counter,” she added. “You're not having dinner with me?” Gerard asked her, feeling a little disconcerted. “I already ate something, but I'm feeling really tired right now,” Lindsey explained, grimacing a little. “Okay,” Gerard nodded. He stared at her face for a moment and she actually looked very tired, but he also noticed that her eyes and nose were slightly red.

“Maybe you're getting a cold,” he suggested. “Yeah, maybe,” she rubbed her face with her hand and closed her eyes for an instant, “I'm going to sleep now”. Gerard stepped closer and pressed a kiss on her forehead, “Good night, Linds”. “Good night, Gee,” she replied then walked to the end of the hall and into their bedroom.

Once in the kitchen, Gerard put a container filled with food in the microwave. As he was setting the time of heating, he considered calling the doctor the next morning. He knew that Lindsey rarely got sick, but when she did, it was bad and she could get really sick in just one day.

What Gerard didn't know, though, was that Lindsey wasn't sick; he didn't know that she had been crying while he was upstairs jerking off, thinking about Frank.


	18. The talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank goes to Bandit's birthday party and talks to Gerard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Supposedly, in this chapter I was going to continue the dialog between Gerard and Lindsey that happened after she catches the two men kissing and that appears in the first chapters, but this chapter is too long already, so I decided to add another one. That way this fic will have twenty chapters total.

That Saturday, Frank woke up early – early for him at least, it was a few minutes past ten – and went downstairs to have some breakfast. He sat on the counter with a mug filled with coffee and a bagel and turned on his laptop. As every morning, he started with the usual, checking his email and his social network accounts and aswering the new messages, then he worked on finishing some lyrics.

When all he had left from his bagel was just a few crumbles and his mug was nearly empty, he stood up and went to the living room to look for his old printer. He looked for it in at least ten of the numerous boxes and crates that were still invading a big part of the total surface of his new house until he finally found it inside a box that had a label with the words “ _Computer stuff_ ”. “Of course it was here,” Frank squinted and kicked himself mentally, then he stood up from the floor, a little shakily because his knees felt soared from been kneeling down for so long.

He put the machine on the counter and plugged it, then he spent some time installing it and making it work properly. Later, he spent some more time looking again among the piles of boxes for the one with the label that read “ _Office supplies_ ” where he was hoping to find some paper sheets that he needed to print the scores for a song. Having done that, he turned off the laptop, put his plate and mug in the sink and went upstairs to take a shower.

It wasn't long before he was standing in his closet with a towel wrapped around his waist looking for something to wear. Some droplets started dripping from his damp hair and down to his bare shoulders as he was trying to decide, so he unwrapped the towel to wipe them off and stood there a few more minutes, still undecided and still naked.

He finally chose a simple outfit, just a pair of dark jeans, a plain T shirt and some sneakers and got dressed quickly, before going back to the bathroom to dry his hair and apply some product on it. He ran the comb through his hair several times and then stopped for a moment to stare at his reflection. He let out a long breath and rubbed a hand roughly against his face, leaving red marks across his cheeks and forehead.

Frank was nervous, really nervous, but he was also determined. He was going to go to Gerard's house, find him and talk to him, and no matter how scared he was about getting a negative response, he was sticking to that plan. Frank stood still in front of the mirror a little longer, though, inhaling deeply and looking into his own big, worried eyes before he made himself go out of the bathroom.

Once he was in his room, Frank unhung his acoustic guitar from one of the walls and took a little envelope and a box with a bow on it from his bedside table. Then he went downstairs to grab the sheets that he had just printed and walked out of the house.

The ride wouldn't be long; he hadn't told anyone, but one of the main reasons why he had decided to buy that particular house was the fact that it was no more than twenty minutes away from Gerard's. 

Frank tried to focus on the road as he was driving, but it was difficult, he had a million things in his mind along with an anxious feeling hovering in his stomach, so he decided to go over the things that he wanted to say to Gerard as an attempt to clear up his head a little.

First of all, he wanted to apologize for what had happened before. The last time that Gerard was at his apartment, Frank screwed up badly. He tried to force Gerard into something that the other man wasn't ready for and that he wouldn't do, not at least while he was still married, but the thing was that Frank had been desperate after three weeks of not seeing Gerard and before the possibility of loosing him.

Frank had seen the other man getting away from him gradually since the first time that Gerard had almost kissed him. They started to see each other less and less frequently and it was mostly at Gerard's house, with Lindsey and Bandit there. Besides, Mikey started to come along every time they were out, which was ridiculous, they didn't need a chaperone to watch them while they were hanging out together, but Frank had held his tongue and didn't mention anything about it, instead he decided to wait, to give Gerard some time to acknowledge what he was feeling at the time and to decide what to do about it.

Nevertheless, Frank was running out of time and out of patience. Sometimes it was really hard for him to hide his feelings and keep pretending that he just liked Gerard as a friend. Sometimes it was hard making himself look away from Gerard in order to help anyone from catching him staring; it was hard to make himself step back or move away to avoid standing too close and in that way, lessen the need to reach out and touch. And sometimes, when Gerard was sitting next to him, it was hard to restrain himself from taking his hand to the nape of the other man's neck, pull him closer and finally, finally kiss him, but he had to remain in control.

Frank remembered very well the way he felt when Adam cheated on him and he didn't want Lindsey or anyone else, for that matter, to go through that because of him. But Gerard had tried to kiss him twice, so Frank was convinced that there was something lingering there and the other man just needed some time an a little push to admit it. The thing was that Frank had tried to push Gerard by talking dirty to him, and even when it had been incredibly hot at the moment, it happened to be a wrong move. 

Frank wanted to make things right this time, though, so after parking in front of Gerard's house, he gathered all his stuff, got out of the car and crossed the street, ignoring the insistent thump of his heartbeat and the huge knot that he had clenched in his stomach.

Frank stood in the doorway and was about to ring the bell when, out of nowhere, two kids opened it, jumped out and almost ran over him. Frank stepped aside instinctively and then peered inside. The house was full with people that Frank didn't know. Most of them were children of all sizes and shapes that were walking in and out the house carrying plates with cake and wearing colorful hats made with balloons.

Coming to Bandit's birthday party to talk to Gerard had seemed like a good idea when Frank first made his plan. He thought that it would count as a neutral location and that, if surrounded by people, Gerard would feel more comfortable while talking to him, but now that Frank was there in the middle of the party, he wasn't so sure about that anymore.

He sighed and walked in anyway, he had decided to finally have a serious conversation with Gerard and that was his last chance to do it in person before Frank had to go on tour with his band and spend the rest of the year out of the country, so he couldn't back down now.

“Frank!” He heard a voice calling him as he was walking across the living room. It was Mikey who was hanging out in the garden, he was standing by the sliding door that separated the house from the exterior and next to a table full of food. Frank waved at him and was about to walk there and join him when the sight of a known face made him head towards the kitchen first.

“Hi,” Bandit greeted Frank with her sweet, little voice when he got closer. “Hi baby! Happy birthday!” Frank said, enthusiastically. He couldn't help but to laugh a little at the sight of Bandit's face. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were covered with chocolate frosting and she kept trying to reach it with her tongue while she was sitting on the counter by the sink and Donna was bringing a damp cloth to wipe her face.

“This is for you,” Frank handed her a box wrapped in yellow paper that had a little ribbon on the top, it was some toy that Frank had picked up for her the day before. The girl accepted it happily; she grabbed it with both hands and shook it next to her ear, making the moving parts of the toy crash against the interior of the box. Frank grinned fondly at her once again, but his smile vanished quickly when he felt someone getting closer to him.

“Frank,” he heard a voice almost whispering his name behind him and turned around. The moment he saw Gerard right in front of him, his heart rate increased exponentially and the feeling of a knot clenched in his stomach, came back with a vengeance. “Hey Gee,” Frank said, faintly.

Gerard was staring at him with big, startled eyes, clearly disconcerted, but he didn't say anything until Donna and Bandit left the kitchen. “What are you doing here?” Gerard asked quietly, furrowing his brow. He seemed pretty surprised of seeing Frank there, at Bandit's party, but he didn't seem angry, so Frank counted that as a point in his favour.

Frank chocked a little before answering, “Sorry for dropping by like this,” he said, awkwardly scratching the nape of his neck, “But Mikey told me about the party and I just...” He lifted his head up and looked back into Gerard's eyes. For a moment, Frank considered to give him some excuse like that he had wanted to come and say happy birthday to Bandit, but he decided to skip that and go straight to the point. “I need to talk to you,” he said and held his breath as Gerard stared at him a little longer.

“Um...” Gerard finally blinked and shook himself a little. “Okay,” he puffed up and nodded jerkily. “We should go talk at someplace more private, though,” Gerard added and started walking towards the door. Frank followed him in silence, or at least not talking, because with all the fuss in the house it was impossible to have a moment of silence as they were walking across the living room and down the hall.

Gerard stopped in the doorway of his studio and pushed the door open. “Come on in,” he said quietly and beckoned. Frank stepped inside, faltering a little and walked to the middle of the room, then he took a deep breath before turning back to look at Gerard. The other man was standing by the closed door, staring at him.

His expression was hard to read, it seemed that Gerard was taken aback, but he also looked sad and confused, all at the same time. Suddenly, Frank realized that he was having the same fucked up mix of emotions, only that in his case, the most overpowering one was dread, the fear of what might happen next.

As he had planned before, Frank wanted to start with an apology for what had happened the other day, but for some reason he couldn't phrase one. He exhaled and decided to go with something easier instead. “I finished the song for Bandit,” he commented in the most even tone he managed at the time and then tugged the strap of his guitar case up over his head. He turned around and put the case on Gerard's draft table, unzipped it, and tucked one hand inside to take some paper sheets out, those were the scores of  _Small petunia of the galaxy_.

“I changed the bridge and the chorus a little bit, but I think that it works,” Frank explained as he stepped closer and extended his arm holding the sheets in his hand for the other man to take them. Gerard looked down at them and then up at Frank, and hesitated a little before grabbing them. He started reading and after a moment, his lips quirked in what resembled a small smile. “Yeah, I'm sure it does,” Gerard said, not taking his eyes from the sheets.

“I brought my guitar in case that you want to play it, I can...” Frank offered, but Gerard cut him off before he could finish his sentence. “I don't think that's a good idea,” he shook his head. “Right,” Frank emitted a defeated sigh and bit his lip. “Maybe another time,” he added, without much hope. “Maybe another time,” Gerard echoed.

They stayed there in silence, first staring expectantly at each other and then looking away with an awkward move; the two of them were trying to say something but didn't know how to start, until Frank did.

“I'm leaving tomorrow,” he blurted out. “What?” Gerard's expression shifted instantly, “Where are you going?” He asked and Frank could detect some alarm in his tone. “We're starting the tour in Europe,” the younger man explained, “Remember that I told you?” “Yeah, but...” Gerard frowned, “You said that it wouldn't start until June,” he added, disconcerted.

Frank nodded feebly, “June starts in three days”. “Oh,” Gerard exhaled and for an instant, Frank saw despair reflected in his face. “How long it's going to be?” Gerard asked quietly, his brow deeply furrowed. “Five months,” Frank answered, “They might extend it up to six if things go well”.

Gerard sighed and rubbed his face roughly with his hand, then his gaze dropped and he stared at the floor for a moment, still frowning. “I...” He moved forward tentatively and pressed his lips together as an attempt to hold back his words. Frank stared at him and waited patiently until the other man decided to speak again. “I'll see you by the end of the year, then,” Gerard finally muttered and, with a defeated look, he turned around to leave. Frank's heart dropped.

“Gerard, please!” He ran after him and grabbed his wrist before Gerard could pull the door open. “Let me go,” Gerard commanded, tugging his arm back and trying to move away. “No,” Frank replied firmly. “We have to talk,” he stated, tightening his grip. “Talk about what?” Gerard asked, he sounded exasperated but he didn't dare to turn his face and look at Frank, instead he kept his gaze fixed on the door.

“About us, Gee, about...” Frank stopped talking, feeling his throat tighten all of the sudden. He closed his eyes for just an instant and let out a sigh in order to calm himself down. “I love you, Gee,” he confessed in what he intended to be a calmer voice, but that came out shaky, instead. Gerard sighed and released his hold from the knob. Frank could see that the other man was still tense under his grip, but he didn't seem like he was about to escape by the door anymore, so he let out Gerard's hand and decided to continue.

“I love you and I want to be with you,” Frank said, stepping a little closer and sounding more confident this time. “Frank,” Gerard breathed out and finally turned to look at him, “What are you saying?” he asked, distress visible in his eyes. “Gee, I...” Frank faltered, but he knew that he had to be more assertive in order to obtain the result he was looking for so he tried to say exactly what he had planned before.

“I said that I love you and that I want to be with you and I'm pretty sure that you feel the same, but you are too scared to admit,” he looked carefully at Gerard's expression after he said that, realizing that his tone had been harsher than he intended, but Gerard didn't even flinched and he didn't deny what Frank had said either.

“Frank, I can't,” Gerard turned his face away and inhaled deeply, “You know that I can't, I'm married”. “I know that!” Frank raised his voice, frustrated. He stepped back and ran a both hands through his hair, feeling utter desperation. “I know that you're married Gerard, but...” He huffed and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Do you remember the letter that you wrote me before I moved to Boston?” he asked, trying to find a hint of hope in Gerard's answer. “The letter?” Gerard raised his eyebrows. “You still remember that?” “Remember it?” Frank snorted. “I still have it,” he fumbled in the pockets of his jeans and took out a little envelope that he held it up for the other man to see.

Gerard let out a little gasp and curiosity made him step closer. Frank had kept that letter for almost fifteen years and somehow, Gerard felt deeply moved by that. “Here,” Frank handed him the letter. Gerard reached for it reluctantly, but when he had it in his hand, he couldn't stop looking at it.

The envelope that used to be a deep sky blue when he first made it, was now a faded grayish color. Suddenly Gerard remembered the night when he wrote that letter and how after he finished it, he realized that he needed an envelope, but he didn't have one at hand, so he looked through the pieces of colored paper that he had sprawled all over his desk – they were the leftovers of some an art project he had been working on that week– and picked up a blue piece. He folded it until he got the right shape, then he glued the flaps carefully before putting the letter in.

When Gerard opened the envelope, he saw that the letter was still folded inside. He took it out and spread it gingerly. The white, smooth sheet of paper that he had torn from his notebook fourteen years ago, was now yellowish and wrinkly. After so many years, the ink was faded, but he still could read his own handwriting on it, it was a little different from his present writing but it still had many of its characteristic features.

Gerard's stomach sank when he reread the lines he wrote for Frank when they were still teenagers. He didn't dare to speak or look at the other man until Frank got closer and started speaking. “You said that it wasn't the right time back then, but maybe it is now,” the younger man said, pointing at the letter and looking up at Gerard with big hopeful eyes.

“Frank,” Gerard breathed out, his voice sounded broken all of the sudden. Frank ignored his call and shifted closer, moving into Gerard's space. “I know that this might sound crazy, but I think that I never stopped loving you...” “Frank, please,” Gerard interrupted, pleading for Frank to stop talking.

“I'm serious Gerard,” he insisted, “All this time I was looking to have the same we had back when we were teenagers, but I never found it; I know that I loved other guys after you, but it was never the same, it was never what I have with you now and I just realized that it is because it's always been you Gerard; all this time I've been waiting for you,” Frank spoke forcefully and Gerard was hardly breathing at the time.

The younger man was standing so close and was looking into Gerard's eyes so intensely, saying all those things that Gerard had felt as well and that he had figured out on his own some time ago, but he hadn't had the courage to admit. “You promised that we would be together some day, Gee I...” Frank gasped painfully, “I love you”. “I love you too,” Gerard admitted at last and it sounded like if the words had been ripped out of his chest.

He reached out to slide his hands around Frank's waist and finally closed the small gap between them. Their lips crashed together in a desperate motion and Gerard had never felt like that in his whole life. All his feelings – love, lust, longing – poured into a hungry kiss. Gerard clenched his fists tightly in the fabric of Frank's T shirt as the other man was pulling him closer by the neck, searching for a better angle to deepen the kiss.

For a moment, everything around Gerard disappeared, his whole attention was focused only on three things: the warm touch of the other man's hand against his cheek, the taste of Frank's mouth that, somehow, was the same after all those years and the electrifying sensation of their tongues and lips and bodies crashing together in a frantic move. That was until he heard a hiss coming from the doorway.

Gerard gasped into Frank's mouth and pulled away. When he turned around, he saw that Lindsey was standing there.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard and Lindsey talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a title for this chapter, I couldn't think of one. Do you have any suggestions?

Gerard's head was spinning at the time. Everything had happened so fast for him; one minute he was kissing Frank desperately in the studio, feeling that everything was finally back into place, and the next one, he was in his bedroom trying to talk to Lindsey, to give her some sort of explanation, with the impression that everything around him was close to falling apart.

About twenty minutes earlier, Gerard had seen Frank walking through the living room from the garden. He saw when Mikey waved his hand enthusiastically at someone and curiosity made him step closer to see who it was. The immediate reaction of his body as he recognized the man with the guitar case, making his way to the kitchen, reminded him how strong it was what he felt for Frank how hard it was for him not being able to do something about it.

“Go talk to him,” Mikey told him, softly. Gerard hadn't mentioned anything to Mikey about what had happened between him and Frank, but Mikey could read them both very easily, so Gerard was convinced that somehow his brother knew, he knew that something was going on between them and that it was about time to finally put their cards on the table. Gerard let out a sigh when he felt Mikey's hand on his shoulder; his brother had stepped closer and was looking at him expectantly as he was trying to figure out what to do.

“Okay,” Gerard nodded weakly after a moment and walked to the kitchen. Gerard watched as Frank was talking fondly to Bandit and saw the way that his daughter's face lit up when he gave her a birthday present. Gerard couldn't help but to smile at that, but then he called Frank's name and the startled expression that the other man had on his face when he turned around, made Gerard feel terrible, knowing that he was the cause of that.

At that moment, he wanted to get closer and reach out to grab Frank's hand or to caress his cheek or to do something, anything to wipe the worry out of his face, but his mother and his daughter were right there behind them, so Gerard had to restrain himself from moving and from talking until Donna and Bandit left the room.

After that, Frank asked him to have a conversation and Gerard accepted willingly because there were many things that they needed to discuss and it was about time to do it. They couldn't keep pretending that they saw each other only as friends and that nothing had happened between them. Gerard was expecting Frank to say that when they got in the studio, but instead, Frank told him that he was going to be out of the country for the rest of the year.

Gerard suddenly realized it: Frank was not there to sort things out, he was there to tell him goodbye. Gerard's heart sank at that. He hadn't realized how bad he wanted to be with Frank until the moment when he was going away from him, but what he was supposed to do? He couldn't ask Frank to stay because it was a work thing and if he did, what could he offer in return? They couldn't be together, not while he was still married to Lindsey, so Gerard decided to do the right thing and say goodbye to Frank and hope that all could end there. Frank was leaving him again and maybe that was for the best.

But then Frank said that he loved him and that he wanted to be with him and Gerard felt cornered. He felt the same and wanted the same, but he also loved Lindsey and he didn't want to see his family breaking apart because of him. It wasn't until Frank showed him the letter that he had written so many years ago and until he kissed Frank again, that the he knew exactly what he really wanted and now the challenge was to find a way to make that happen without hurting the people he loved the most.

The moment that Gerard saw Lindsey standing in the doorway watching them as they were kissing, he realized that it was already too late for that.

 

“Are you gonna tell me Gerard?” Lindsey had finally moved from the window and was now standing a few feet away from him, her head was tilted to the side in question. “Do you love him?” She asked firmly and Gerard knew that she wouldn't relent until she got a straightforward answer. “Yes,” he finally admit it, “I love him, but I love you too Linds,” he stepped closer and met her eyes.

“You can love two people at the same time, right?” He asked, almost pleading, but he wasn't looking for an answer, he was looking for understanding, he was hoping that Lindsey could understand what he was going through. Lindsey didn't respond, though, she just stared at him with big, glassy eyes. She pressed her lips together and sighed, after a moment, she started crying.

A deep feeling of sadness raised to Gerard's chest and it was making him hard to breathe. He hated seeing Lindsey so hurt because of him, but he had no idea what to do to fix things at that point. Gerard swallowed back the lump that had formed in his throat and started talking, he needed to say something to justify himself.

“Lindsey,” he said and reach out to rub a hand gently up and down her forearm. “We were so young back then, me and Frank I mean,” he explained. “He unexpectedly moved out of Jersey and our relationship never really ended...” Gerard had to stop talking to gulp again. “The thing is that all this time a part of me was waiting for him, you know? I was hoping that we could be together again,” Gerard paused, but this time it was for him to let out a deep gasp.

He suddenly realized that he had never said that to anyone before, but it all was true. Deep inside, all those years he had been hoping that Frank would come back to his life and that they could be together again, even though, he decided to marry Lindsey. “But I married you Lindsey, I decided to marry you,” he said emphatically, hoping that she could understand what that meant but the woman jerked away and her expression hardened instantly.

“Well, maybe you shouldn't have done that,” she said harshly and wiped some tears off her face carelessly with her hand. “Maybe we shouldn't have got married in the first place,” she raised her voice and Gerard felt helpless. “What? Lindsey, no!” he cried out. “I love you, okay?” he said forcefully, “I decided to marry you because I love you,” he insisted.

“We have a family together and that doesn't have anything to do with Frank,” he desperately needed Lindsey to understand that he had married her because he loved her, because he had loved her from the very beginning and that back then he had abandoned all hope of being with Frank, but then, he realized that maybe Lindsey wasn't talking about him anymore.

“Unless that...” Gerard hesitated, “You regret that we got married?” He asked, anguished. “No, Gee, I...” She huffed and then ran a hand through her hair. “I don't know!” She yelled, desperation evident in the tone of her voice and in the way that she clenched her fists and flung them in the air. Then she closed her eyes for a second an took a deep breath to calm herself down, meanwhile Gerard was watching her carefully.

“Gerard,” Lindsey turned to look at him, “Everything was so fast,” she started explaining. “You were still too young in your recovery and we barely knew each other when we found out that I was pregnant and then everything changed for me, with the baby and the whole housewife thing,” he was talking fast and vehemently. “I'm just...” she stopped to catch her breath. “I'm not sure that I want this anymore”.

“What?” Gerard couldn't believe what Lindsey was saying. “You have to admit that things were wrong even before Frank,” she said sternly, then went to sit on the edge of the bed and covered her face with her hands. Gerard stared at her, disconcerted, trying to figure out what had gone wrong.

Then he remembered how it had been for Lindsey after they got married. She had renounced to her band and to her dreams. All that she always wanted to do was living on the road and be playing and making music, but she quit doing that when they found out that she was pregnant. He never asked her to do it, he never would, but he never did anything to encourage her to stay in the band either, nor to keep working on her own art projects, so that got lost once they got married.

Gerard felt incredibly guilty at the realization of that. He walked to the bed and kneeled down in front of her, then grabbed her hands from where she had them pressed against her face and pulled them down to her lap. “Lindsey,” he said quietly, lacing their fingers together, “I'm so sorry”. Lindsey looked up at him. “I know, Gee,” she muttered, then licked her lips. “But things don't work out between us anymore,” she shook her head feebly. “I know,” Gerard breathed out.

 

***********************************

 

“Frank! What happened?” Mikey entered the room a little after Gerard left. He looked alarmed and Frank realized all of the sudden that by trying to get back with Gerard, he was hurting everyone around him, Mikey and Bandit, but especially Lindsey. “Um...” Frank's gaze dropped, he couldn't look at his friend in the eyes at that moment. “I...” He bit his lip. “We kissed,” he admitted, ashamed.

“Oh my god!” Mikey huffed and ran a hand through his hair angrily. “Frank, what are you doing?” He asked severely. Frank felt sick to his stomach, he had never heard anyone saying that guilt felt like nausea, but that's what he was feeling at the time. “I love him, Mikey,” he said after a moment, feeling an urgent need to justify himself. “I...” He gasped. “I don't think that I ever stopped loving him, I know that it sounds crazy, but...” Frank couldn't finish his sentence because what he was feeling at the time was too much for him to handle.

“Mikey...” he said pleadingly and started hiccuping. Frank didn't want to start crying, not in front of Mikey, but he couldn't help it. He wiped off a couple of tears that started to fall down his cheeks with his fingers and then gasped again. “Frank,” Mikey's tone softened and he got closer and put his hand on Frank's shoulder, patting it softly.

Frank was waiting for Mikey to tell him how bad he had screwed up and how stupid and reckless he had been, but Mikey didn't speak, instead, he gave him a few minutes to calm down. “He's married,” Mikey said in his ever contented tone once that Frank stopped shivering under his hold. “I know,” Frank sniffed, he looked up and deep into Mikey's eyes for just a second before averting his gaze and letting out a deep sigh.

“I'd better go now,” he said, defeated and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Mikey nodded and stepped aside. Frank took his guitar case from the drafting table and hung the strap on his shoulder. “Bye Mikey,” he said weakly before walking out the room. “Bye Frank,” he heard his friend's quiet voice behind him.

Frank walked along the hall and suddenly saw the people that were standing in the living room; he thought about all the guests that were at the house at the time and inexplicably felt trapped. He wanted to be out of the house as soon as possible, so he walked quickly through the room, ignoring the curious glances from whom he assumed were Gerard's and Lindsey's relatives and friends, and made his way out, taking the garden as a short cut.

There was no need to stay any longer, he had gone there to get an answer and he had got it. Gerard loved him, they loved each other, but they couldn't be together. It was exactly what had happened fourteen years ago, happening all over again.


	20. Life through pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised, they have a happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I've written so far, that's why it took me so long to finish it and post it.  
> I really hope that you enjoy reading the final part of this fic :D

It was past midnight when Frank finally arrived in New Jersey. From the back seat of the taxi cab, he could see rows of houses and trees illuminated by the street lights as the vehicle was getting closer to his own house. Those were the same old streets that he had walked countless times during his childhood in the town that had recently become his home again. The sight of them brought pleasant memories to Frank.

When the car stopped moving he got out and waited for the driver to open the trunk and take out his luggage. Once that all his bags were piled on the sidewalk, he turned around and his lips curled into a small smile as he saw the facade of his house. He walked to the porch with a sensation of contentment that he hadn't felt in a while, although, he had felt something resembling that when the manager of his band informed them that they had predicted heavy snowstorms in Russia.

It wasn't that Frank was happy about the bad weather affecting that part of the world, but thanks to that, they cancelled the last shows of the tour and the band came back to the States two weeks earlier and that way, he was able to spend most of December at home. Frank was shivering a little as he fumbled in his pockets for his key ring. A north wind was blowing persistently at the time and it was too damn cold out there, not as cold as Russia of course, but still.

The moment he got the door open, he turned on the lights and the heating, left his bags in the doorway and then headed to the kitchen. He was desperately craving for coffee, but instead, he made himself a cup of hot chocolate that he sipped slowly as he made his way up to his bedroom.

He didn't want any caffeine in his system since he was planing on spending the whole weekend in a state of hibernation and he didn't want any stimulating substances to interfere with his plans. Opposite to his bandmates, jet lag didn't cause him sleep difficulty, but made him zonk out as soon as was able to lay down on any semi comfortable, horizontal surface he could find and close his eyes.

Frank was sure that the amount of hours he spent asleep after every international tour surpassed the daily requirement for humans, but he didn't give much thought to the possible effects of that on his health; he just needed to hibernate for a couple of days and after that, he would be perfectly fine, as always.

So that was exactly what he did. He spent the weekend sleeping, just having a few periods of wakefulness per day that were long enough for him to grab something to eat and drink and maybe watch a movie or something else on the TV and then, going back to napping.

By Sunday evening, the ringing of the doorbell woke him up. He had fallen asleep on one of the couches in the living room while he was watching some old movie. The day before, he had heard the doorbell and also heard the voices of some woman and a man coming from outside.

He figured that they have probably been Mary and Nathan, his neighbors. They were nice people, sure, but they were also too talkative and bit nosey and Frank was still too sleepy to be in the mood for socializing with the people in the neighborhood, so he decided to ignore the ringing.

This time, though, the sound of the bell was more insistent, they kept pressing the button at least once every minute, so he thought that maybe they had seen earlier the delivery guy bringing him some food and that they had figured that Frank was actually there, so he had no choice but to stand up and go answer the door.

But then, when he pulled it open, he had a series of bodily reactions that there was no way that any of his neighbors could be causing him. There was only one person that could make him feel that sudden jolt all over his body.

“Gerard?” Frank said, utterly surprised when he recognized the man standing in front of him. “Hi, Frank,” Gerard tilted his head a little and gave him a small smile. “Hi,” Frank breathed out. His mouth was suddenly dry and his heart was pounding like crazy. He wasn't expecting to see Gerard there at all, so instead of saying something else, he stared at him for a moment, dazed by his presence.

Gerard looked the same as six months ago, except for his hair that was longer and bit messier than usual. For a split second, the unbidden thought of reaching out and brushing off the strands of hair that were falling over his forehead and obscuring his eyes, crossed Frank's mind, but then Gerard shifted in his place.

Frank noticed that he was hunched in his coat; he had his hands shoved in his pockets and his chin buried in the thick scarf that he was wearing. Suddenly, Frank realized that Gerard had been standing there in the cold for several minutes. “Come in,” he said, finally reacting and stepped back to let the other man walk inside. 

“Mikey told me that you were back,” Gerard said as Frank was closing the door. “So I decided to drop by and say hi,” he added with a shy grin. “Well, it's nice to see you again,” he smiled back and waited for Gerard to take out his coat and unwind his scarf.

It was more than nice to see Gerard again, actually, but Frank wasn't sure of the point from where they were supposed to start, from the part where they were only good friends? Or from the part where they both said that they loved each other, but they couldn't be together because of their circumstances?

The thing was that they hadn't talked since Bandit's birthday. After Frank left the party, he went back to his house to start packing his bags and the next day he got on a plane to Germany, first thing in the morning. He spent half of the year away and even when all he wanted to do while he was on tour, was talking to Gerard again, he didn't call or email him because he didn't think that it was the right thing to do at the time.

Gerard didn't try to contact him either and Frank thought that it was for the best. Frank would get over him eventually or at least that was what he had hoped, but right then, the other man was there in his house in what was, apparently, a friendly visit and was smiling at him as if nothing messed-up had happened between them.

“So, this is your new house,” Gerard stood in the middle of the hall and looked around, taking an exploratory glimpse. “Yeah,” Frank nodded and then squinted at the unpacked boxes that were still remaining by the wall. “It's still a mess,” he said, scratching his head awkwardly and feeling the need to excuse himself because of it, “I haven't had time to finish unpacking and start redecorating and...”

“I think it's nice,” Gerard cut him off with a smile. Frank looked up at him and exhaled, “Thanks,” he replied quietly and felt his pulse speeding up the moment that the other man's eyes fixed on his. Staring into bright hazel, Frank realized that despite all his efforts to move on and get over Gerard, his feelings for him were still alive and still strong.

“Um...” he blinked after a moment and looked away. “I made some hot chocolate,” he remembered, suddenly. “Do you want some?” He offered, facing Gerard again. “Sure,” the other man nodded. “Why don't you go to the living, I'll be there in a minute”. “Okay,” Gerard agreed, gladly.

He turned around, walked the few yards that separated the hall from the living room and sat down on one of the couches. Meanwhile, Frank made his way to the kitchen and took a series of deep, reassuring breaths as he was filling two mugs with the sweet, dark liquid that he had prepared hours earlier and put them in the microwave.

When Frank entered the living, he saw that Gerard was flipping on some magazine that was over the coffee table. “Here,” Frank stepped closer and handed him a mug. “Thanks,” Gerard replied, putting the magazine aside. “It smells good,” he commented, over the rim of the mug and started blowing on it. “It is good,” Frank said confidently and sat down next to him. “It has soy milk and some organic cocoa that I got from this new store that I found in New York”. Gerard nodded and took his first sip.

“So,” he said after swallowing. “Are you quitting coffee or is this a new trend?” Frank chuckled. “No,” he shook his head, “Not a new trend and I still love coffee, but I need to sleep like 18 hours a day after every tour so I've been avoiding caffeine the whole weekend”. “Um...” Gerard hummed delighted as he took another sip.

“This is really good, maybe I'll trade coffee for cocoa too,” he looked down at the mug he was holding in his hand with a pensive expression like if he was seriously considering quitting his caffeine addiction. Frank grinned at that and suddenly realized that he wasn't tense or nervous anymore, it was surprising how fast he started feeling comfortable around Gerard again.

“So, how you've been?” Gerard asked him, casually. Frank leaned forward to put his mug on the little table in front of him before answering. “Good,” he said, it was a short and kind of empty answer, but what else he was supposed to say? He wasn't going to bring up how awful he felt after he left Jersey six months ago.

“And how was the tour?” Gerard crossed his legs and tilted his head in question. “The shows were awesome,” Frank smiled to himself when he remembered how good the concerts had been in most of the venues. “In some cities the kids were wild,” he commented, “They were?” Gerard asked curious. “Yeah,” Frank sighed.

“I don't know if kids are getting louder and crazier with the time or if it is just that I'm getting older,” he said, his tone got a little gloomy at the end. Gerard smirked, “I think that it's a little of both,” he reach out to pat softly the back of the hand that Frank had resting on the edge of the couch as a gesture of sympathy.

Frank snickered. “How about you? Mikey told me that you were still working on your new comic book,” he commented and reach out for his beverage. “Actually...” Gerard wrinkled his nose, “It'll be out in stores next February,” he said a little shyly. “Really?” Frank lifted his brow, surprised by that. “That's great news, man!” He added, excited. “You have to show it to me before it goes to the stores, though, I want to be the first one on reading it”. “Okay,” Gerard agreed with a smile. “Actually, you can come over to Mikey's and I...” He gaped and contentment suddenly vanished from his face.

Frank stared at him a little preoccupied. “Um...” Gerard hesitated, “I don't know if you knew, but I've been staying with Mikey this past months”. Frank actually knew that, but he hadn't wanted to mention it before. “Yeah,” Frank breathed out. “He told me, he also mentioned that you....” The younger man averted his gaze and bit his lip. I was hard for him to talk about that specific subject, but it seemed that he had no choice at the time. “That you are getting a...”

“A divorce?” Gerard completed his sentence. Frank nodded. “Yeah, we..” Gerard huffed and then shifted in his seat to face Frank completely. “Lindsey and I decided that it was for the best”. Frank didn't know exactly why, but he felt like if someone had poured ice cold water all over him when he heard the other man saying that.

“Gerard I'm sorry if I...” “No,” Gerard cut him off, immediately. “No, Frank,” he said, firmly. “It wasn't because of you, okay?” Gerard gave him an earnest look and grabbed his hand. “We realized that we were not working as a couple anymore and that was it”. Frank sighed and thought about it for a moment.

“So...” he frowned. “How it's gonna be? With Bandit I mean”. Gerard licked his lips and squeezed Frank's hand a little tighter. “I see her every other day and she stays with me and Mikey on the weekends. I'm planning on getting my own place soon, though, because when Lindsey starts touring again with her band, Bandit's going to stay with me the whole time”.

Frank lifted his brow, “Well, that's... That sounds good,” he said, cautiously. “Yeah, it is,” Gerard grinned. “It's a good arrangement,” he added. At that moment, Frank felt his shoulders relaxing. Gerard seemed to be doing fine with his divorce and that was a relief for Frank, also it was really nice feeling the warm touch of Gerard's hand on his own.

“So...” he looked up at him. “You're a new single on the market, then,” he said, playfully and Gerard chuckled. “I guess I am,” he bit his bottom lip and looked intently at Frank. “I was hopping that I wouldn't stay single for much longer, though,” he added and Frank's pulse started racing once again.

Their eyes locked and they stared at each other for a long moment. Frank was strangely aware of his breathing at the time and noticed how it got slower and deeper with anticipation, but then Gerard turned away abruptly. “I brought you something,” he said out of nowhere and stood up. “You brought me something?” Frank asked, disconcerted.

“Yeah, it's like a...” Gerard looked down at him, “Like a housewarming gift”. Frank narrowed his eyes. “Did you bring me one of those baskets full with cleaning products?” Gerard let out a laugh. “No,” he shook his head. “It's something completely different, let me go get it, it's in my car”.

He walked quickly towards the door and Frank followed him, but he stopped by one of the front windows. He pulled back the curtains and watched as the other man was taking something out of the trunk of his car. It was a big, flat, rectangular thing wrapped in paper. “A painting,” Frank thought.

“You brought me a painting?” He asked the moment that Gerard crossed the threshold. “It's not a painting,” Gerard shook his head and his lips curled into a lopsided smile. “Then, what is it?” Frank asked, impatience obvious in the tone of his voice. “You have to unwrap it to find out,” Gerard said, still smiling and Frank didn't hesitate in taking it and put it on the hall table.

He started tearing off the paper carelessly and parts of a wooden surface appeared before his eyes. “Turn it over,” Gerard told him and when Frank did, he saw what it was. It wasn't a painting, but a collage made with pictures of him and Gerard. Frank stared at it speechless. The background of the collage was black and it had a series o photographs overlapped with drawings and little objects, diferent bands memorabilia like pins, stickers and guitar picks.

Frank wanted to examine carefully the piece so he started with a group of pictures that were at the top. He recognized himself playing on different stages, so those had to be taken during the band's live shows in the most riveting moments, judging by his own poses. In most of them, he had his neck was arched, his mouth half open, his eyes shut, his guitar clutched tight against his body, whoever took these photos was able to capture the precise moments when he was completely lost in the music. “I got those from some of your fans,” Gerard explained. “Oh,” Frank breathed out, that explained why he hadn't seen those pictures before and why they were so good.

Then he looked down to the side and his attention focused on a piece of paper that he remembered seeing years ago. “You designed this,” he said, pointing at a flyer for the first gig that My Chemical Romance got. It had the drawing of a couple, a boy and a girl, standing in front of each other about to kiss and splatted with blood. “Yeah, I did,” Gerard nodded. “It turns out that Ray had kept a copy all this time,” he explained. “Really? Wow,” Frank was definitely impressed by that.

Below the flyer there was the photo of him, Gerard, Mikey, Ray and Bob that he himself had found in one of the boxes that had been stored in his mom's basement. He frowned because he actually remembered framing that photo and putting it on the mantel in the living. Then, he looked down and recognized some of his photographs from when he was in collage that he kept in some albums. “How did you get these?” he asked, pointing at them.

“So...” Gerard faltered a little before answering. “Maybe I broke into your house at some point,” he admitted, sheepishly. “You did?” Frank chuckled. “Yeah, with a little help from Mikey and Irene's assistant”. “Manuel?” Frank arched an eyebrow. “Yep”, Gerard nodded, “It turns out that they still had a copy of the key that opens the back door and Mikey only had to flirt a tiny bit to convince Manuel to lend it to me”. Frank let out a laugh.

“You went to my mom's house too, huh?” He said running his fingers over a set of old photographs from when he was little. “Yeah, getting her adress and finding her house was relatively easy,” Gerard explained, taking a hand to the back of his head. “Getting her to lend me the photos not so much; she keeps those albums like holy relics”. “I know,” Frank agreed with a grin.

Among his own pictures there was a bunch of Gerard's photographs from when he was in collage, one he assumed was taken in the facilities of Cartoon Network, a few of him in comic conventions and some recent ones of him and Bandit playing happily at a park.

There was also a bunch of photos from when Gerard was a kid. Frank had seen one in particular a lot of times, every time he went in the Way's house, actually, because it was in their living room. It was a photo of baby Gerard and baby Mikey wearing blue shirts and grinning at the camera. Then he noticed an image that didn't seem to fit with the theme of the piece.

“It's that the picture of a cake?” He said, squinting at it. “Yeah, I had to make a special order, they only make the heart shaped ones for Valentine's day”. “Oh my god!” Frank chuckled and shook his head. He looked back at the collage and couldn't stop smiling; he was amazed by the work that Gerard had done and the effort he did to collect all those pictures and put them together, but then he noticed something at the bottom corner of the frame. It was a little piece of yellowish paper. Frank froze suddenly and felt a lump rising up in his throat.

“It's that...?” he turned to look at Gerard with a mix of surprise and hope. Gerard nodded and stepped a little closer. Frank's eyes went back to the college to double check the that piece of paper. The letters were blacker than the last time that he saw them, Gerard must had trace the outline of the words with a marker, but even if they were completely faded, Frank would recognize them anyway.

He took a hand to his mouth and inhaled deeply, feeling his heart beating faster. “You really mean that?” Frank asked after a moment, his voice sounded a little strained, but he was too moved, he couldn't help it. “Yeah, Frank, I do,” Gerard said, looking deep into his eyes, then he took a step further, slid one hand around Frank's waist and place the other one on his hip.

Frank didn't know what to do or what to say so he just stared back. Gerard pulled him closer with a light pull and started rubbing one thumb over his cheek, gently. Frank shivered a little at the touch. “Frank,” Gerard said quietly. “I love you,” he whispered and his long finger cupped his chin.

“Gee...” Frank couldn't say anything else, not because he didn't want to, but because at that moment, Gerard leaned in and kissed him. The difference between their previous kiss and this one was huge. The time they kissed at Bandit's party it had been something stealthy, desperate and tempestuous.

This time, though, there was nothing preventing them from being together and there wasn't a swirl of messed-up emotions taking over them, so now the kiss was slow and gentle. For a long moment, Frank let himself sink in the sweet sensation of the brushing of their lips and in the warmth of their bodies pressed together.

He had wanted this to happen so badly and for so long, but now that he finally had it, he realized that as good as it was, it wasn't enough, it couldn't be enough until he got all of Gerard. So he started stroking Gerard's lips with his tongue and making his way into the other man's receptive mouth.

Soon, the kisses became deep and hungry and their breathing got shallower. The space between their bodies was minimal, nevertheless the closeness didn't seem to be enough for Frank, he needed more contact, so he held Gerard by the hips and stepped forward, pushing him back without letting their lips separate.

The moment that Gerard's back bumped against the wall, Frank slid one leg between his thighs and started rolling his hips, making their growing erections rub together. A moment later, Gerard moaned into Frank's mouth and tilted his head back. 

“Frank,” he gasped, “Wait,” he pressed one hand against Frank's chest, pushing him back lightly. Frank froze immediately. He looked at Gerard and took one step back. Suddenly he started feeling worried. Maybe Frank was doing something wrong, maybe he was trying to push things too fast and Gerard wasn't ready for that yet, maybe... “Can we go to your room?” Gerard asked and when Frank heard that he was able to breathe again.

He took a moment to stare at Gerard before answering. The other man's hair was all messed up, his lips were red and shiny with spit, his cheeks were as flushed as Frank's must have been at the time and the tails of his shirt were sticking out from his sweater because of the way that Frank had been tugging his clothes up, desperately looking for points where he could have direct contact with his skin, but Gerard didn't look scared or hesitant, instead, he looked as eager as Frank was to take that further.

“Sure,” Frank replied. With their hands twined, they went upstairs in silence. As they were walking up the steps, Frank noticed from the corner of his eye, that Gerard kept giving him glances as if his whole attention was only on him. The younger climbed the top step with a leap and turned back. “Come on,” he beckoned and tugged lightly Gerard's hand.

The moment they entered the room, Frank dropped Gerard's hand and wrapped his arms around the other man's neck. The combination of arousal and anticipation was making Frank feel the heat irradiating from his face and the sensation of his pulse vibrating within his ears. He looked into Gerard's eyes and leaned in.

The kiss that followed was deep and dirty and he didn't want to separate his lips from Gerard's not even to take their clothes off, even when he was desperate to have direct contact with his skin, but the time they would need in order do that, seemed to be too much for Frank.

They broke the kiss eventually because Gerard needed to catch his breath, although, Frank didn't give him much time for that. He waited for just a second or two before leaning in, this time he caught Gerard's bottom lip between his teeth and started tugging a little. With one leg hooked around Gerard's, Frank started rolling his hips slowly. Gerard gasped into Frank's mouth as their bodies were rocking back and forth rhythmically.

“Frank,” Gerad pulled back a little. “Wait,” he said out of breath. Frank stopped moving suddenly and put down his leg, feeling disconcerted. Was Gerard having second thoughts? Frank didn't know, but he was desperately hoping that it wasn't the case because he was incredibly turned on at the time. “I just...” Gerard bit his lip, “I want to go slow”. “Slow?” Frank wasn't sure what he meant by that, so all he could do was give him a confused look.

“Yeah, just...” Gerard reached out to rub Frank's chest idly with one hand and pulled him closer with his other one. “Let me take care of this, okay?” Gerard he said, his voice was husky and his pupils were still blown, so Frank knew that Gerard wanted that to happen as much as he did. “Okay,” the younger man nodded faintly and let Gerard put his hands around his waist and tug his hoodie and the tank top that he was wearing underneath, up and over his head. After tossing both pieces of clothing to the floor, Gerard did the same with his sweater and shirt.

“Take off your shoes,” he commanded. Frank leaned down, and took his socks off along with his sneakers. Once that they were both barefoot and shirtless, Gerard grabbed Frank's hand and led him to the bed. “Lay down,” he said softly. His eyes were fixed on Frank as the younger man sat on the bed and laid back, propping his elbows back on the mattress and letting his head fall slowly on the pillow. Gerard gave him a small smile before climbing on the bed and laying down next to him.

Frank shifted and bent his knees so they could be laying face to face, with their legs intertwined. After that Gerard grabbed one of his hands and laced their fingers together. For a long moment, the silence in the room was only interrupted by the quiet hiss of their breathing.

“I love you Frankie,” Gerard whispered, he was brushing his fingertips along the inside of Frank's hand and forearm, tracing delicate lines over his tattoos, and Frank felt lulled by that. “I love you too, Gee,” replied fondly and shifted a little to move up the arm he had resting on the mattress and slide it over Gerard's head. He started caressing the other man's head gently, hooking his fingers in the locks of his hair. 

They cuddled like that for a long while and Frank was transfixed, looking into the bright hazel of Gerard's eyes that flickered whimsically under the light of the lamp placed on the bedside table.

All of the sudden, memories of the countless nights during the tour when all he wanted was being with Gerard like that and all he could do was closing his eyes and try to picture the other man's face and remember the sound of his voice, came to his mind. “It was so hard being away from you,” he commented, his tone was unavoidably gloomy. “I know,” Gerard exhaled and reached out to caress Frank's cheek. “It was really hard for me too, but we're together now,” he smiled and it was genuine and comforting in a way that told Frank that despite the time they were apart, they were finally getting a chance and that could sweep away all the paint that they had felt before.

They stared at each other until Gerard's gaze dropped and he leaned forward, looking intently at Frank's mouth. The kiss was soft, their lips and tongues were brushing tenderly and their hands moving gently along the smooth skin of their backs. Frank was finally getting what Gerard meant by slow.

When in a hot situation like this one, Frank usually was fast and a little rough, quickly discarding clothes and throwing himself on top of the other person to kiss, bite and grind and get as most body contact and friction as he could, but the rhythm that they had set at the time was really, really nice. With their bodies entangled in a delicate motion, he could savor every kiss and every inch of skin beneath his fingertips.

After a few minutes of slow kissing, Gerard pulled back a little only to tilt his head to the side and start pressing his lips along the line of Frank's jaw. “Mmh..” Frank moaned softly when Gerard reached his collarbone and shifted to lick and bite lightly a patch of skin above his clavicle.

Frank had gone completely relaxed before while they were cuddling, but now he was fully hard again and desperate for friction, but he was letting Gerard go as slow as he wanted, so he just bit his lip, shut his eyes and allow himself to enjoy, as much as possible, their time together.

The next move that Gerard made was unexpected, he pushed Frank back by the shoulder propped himself up and hooked his leg higher over Frank's thighs. He leaned down and the moment that Frank felt the pressure of the other man's his lips and teeth sucking and tugging gently his nipple, his neck and back arched. He groaned when Gerard moved to the other side and did the same with his other nipple. That felt so good, even though,  Frank wanted more.

“Gee,” he gasped. “Um” Gerard hummed a reply, not bothering with taking his lips off of Frank's chest. “Touch me,” he said, desperately and that made Gerard look up. Some strands of hair were falling over his forehead, obscuring his eyes, even though, Frank could see a suggestive glint in his gaze. “Do yo want me to touch you Frankie?” Gerard asked in what resembled an innocent tone. “Yeah,” Frank breathed out.

“How do you want it?” Gerard tilted his head and arched and eyebrow in question. He wasn't really looking for an answer, Frank could tell because Gerard started speaking again almost immediately, reciting a known line. “Do you want me to put my hand on your pants?” He said sultry, hooking his fingers in the waistband of his sweatpants. Frank realized quickly the kind of game that Gerard wanted to play at the time and he was more than willing to go along with it.

“Do you want me to slide my hand down to the space between your legs, Frankie?” He continued talking low and seductively, caressing Frank's chest with one hand and gliding the other one lower to palm the bulge of Frank's erection. “Mmh...” The younger man caught his bottom lip between his teeth and sank his head back on the pillow.

A breathless moan escaped from his mouth when Gerard started moving his hand up and down, rubbing gently over the thin fabric of his pants. Frank started writhing and his moans went louder as Gerard increased the pressure and the speed of the motion of the hand.

He shifted his head to the side as a sudden jolt of pleasure hit him and Gerard took the opportunity to bury his face in his neck and speak next to his ear. “Do you want me to tuck one hand in your pants and grab that big cock of yours?” He asked and Frank chuckle at that, he couldn't help it. “Oh my god!” he tilted his head up and propped one elbow on the mattress.

“Who taught you to talk like that?” he asked, playfully. Gerard grinned fondly at him, “Some guy I know,” he shrugged. “Well, that guy has a dirty mouth, let me tell you,” Frank said, still grinning. “Yeah...” Gerard bit his bottom lip. “I was hoping that it would get even dirtier,” he looked intently at Frank and leaned down again.

This time he kissed Frank on the mouth, long and deep before burying his face back in his neck. He slid his hands down Frank's stomach and started pulling the waistband of his sweatpants and shorts. “Take them off,” Gerard said and Frank obeyed immediately, only that it was a little hard for him to focus on taking off his pants down while Gerard was sucking his earlobe in such a hot way.

 When both pieces of clothing were finally down to his ankles, Frank tossed them to the floor with a kick. Gerard wasted no time on pulling down his remaining clothes and throw them away as well. Then he reached down and clenched his fist around Frank's cock. He started stroking leisurely, using his fingertips to spread the precum along the shaft and make the gliding of his hand slick and easy.

“I wanted  to be with you like this so badly, Frankie,” Gerard said next to his ear. “Yeah?” Frank replied breathlessly, writhing under his touch. “Yeah, while you were gone, all I wanted was having you here with me and being able to hear you moan like this and feel you come in my hand,” Frank had never heard Gerard talk like that. The sound of his voice, his closeness, the touch of his hands and his lips, alt that sent Frank to the edge. 

“Gee, I'm... Ahn!” Frank groaned when Gerard increased the speed of the strokes. “Come on," Frankie,” he muttered, encouraging him. “Let me feel it,” he tilted his head and buried his teeth in Frank´s neck. "Frankie..." the vibration of the other man's words being pronounced against his skin, sent shivers down his spine. “Oh god!” Frank's back arched involuntarily, he was so close that he couldn't hold it any longer, even if he wanted.

All his muscles tighten and then relaxed suddenly as a massive wave of pleasure hit him from head to toe. He came hard and it felt so good that he could feel, if only for a split second, as if his body had gotten suspended in the air. He sank his head back on the pillow, panting and noticed that his fingers were still digging in the soft skin of Gerard's back.

He released his hold and that allowed Gerard to shift his body and kiss softly, yet insistently the curve of Frank's shoulder at the same time that he started grinding against his thigh. Frank wouldn't let Gerard to get himself off like that, so he held him by the arms. “Gerard, wait,” he said, still panting. “Just give me a minute, okay?”

“Okay,” Gerard accepted willingly and rolled over to lay down on his back. Frank gathered some energy for a minute and then got on his knees and started rubbing the other man's chest and abdomen with both hands. One of them slid lower and grabbed Gerard's dick. He was leaking so Frank's nimble fingers glided easily along the length of his cock. Now that he was relaxed and blissed out, he wanted to prove Gerard that he could go slow as well, unfortunately, Gerard was already so close to the edge that he didn't have much time for that.

“Ahn,” Gerard moaned in a strangled voice when Frank's tightened his grip around his cock and started stroking faster. He clenched his hand around Frank's wrist and the younger man knew that it was his cue. He leaned down and wrapped the head of Gerard's dick with his lips, only the head while his hand kept working along the shaft.

He started making circles with the tip of his tongue when he felt it. Gerard came with a loud groan and Frank held his dick in his mouth just enough for him to catch a hint of Gerard's taste. He pulled back and shifted his hand, letting the remaining spurs of cum drip on Gerard's stomach. Once that Gerard fell back boneless on the mattress, Frank moved forward and pressed a soft kiss on Gerard's lips before laying down and wrapping his arms around him.

The following morning, Frank woke up with arms still around Gerard's torso. The other man was deeply asleep and Frank stared at his serene expression for a while, but as much as he wanted to stay there snuggling beneath the warmth of the blankets, his bursting bladder made him get out of the bed.

After walking out of the bathroom, he thought that since he was already up, he might as well go downstairs and make some coffee, so he could wake Gerard up with the smell of his favorite beverage. While Frank waited for the machine to start brewing, he remembered that the collage that Gerard had given him was still on the small table placed in the hall.

Frank had meant to hang it on one of the walls in the living the night before, but after they had sex, they stayed cuddled for a long while. The younger man got up first and invited Gerard to join him in the shower, then they went downstairs to grab something to eat. They shared a pizza while watching the latest chapter of some sci-fi show that Gerard liked.

Once the show was over Gerard's full attention went back to Frank and they started kissing on the couch, which led to a heated making out session against some wall – because Gerard didn't wait for them to make it to the bedroom – and was followed by the first time that Frank felt the other man's fingers making their way inside him while Gerard was kneeling in front of him, giving him the best blow job he had received in years. So no, they didn't have time to hang the collage the night before, but it gave Frank the opportunity to look at it closely.

His gaze drifted along the surface covered by pictures, until his eyes fixed on one of the bottom corners. He stared at the piece of paper from that letter that Gerard wrote for him more than fourteen years ago, that read _my love for you isn't over_.

Frank put his hand on it, felt the texture of the paper under his fingertips and smiled.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Let me know if you like this, comments are always welcome :)


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